I should like to say that I, personally, am quite relieved to have not fallen in love with a cow this year. Mind you, there is nothing wrong with a tender steak dinner. Simply that a line ought to be drawn between loving animals and... well.

[Soryk pauses.]

Loving animals.

[With a flick of his wrist, he continues.]

On a related subject, after a good deal of thought, I have decided it is far past the time in which I should like some information on the creatures we refer to as 'Pokémon.' Their properties, naturally, and other such traits.

[Someone's poisoning extravaganza didn't go quite the way he planned.] For instance, what allows a Pokémon to die and yet, miraculously return from the dead? Eating habits. Life cycles. And so on.

I always thought they were merely animals with a higher intelligence than that of a house pet, yet it seems there is something more to them. If you are a Pokémon, share with me some about yourself. If you have a Pokémon, tell me about your companion. I would very much appreciate it.

( [SUPER BACKDATED HOSPITAL ACTION.] )

[MEANWHILE IN THE MORE OR LESS PRESENT she was actually making a video post, which happened practically never. It was, however, still too cumbersome to type very well, and she had a number of things to bring up. None of which were her extended absence, which she didn't expect anyone to actually notice.]

Hello... I'd like to apologize for the disarray in the library. We are working to put it back in order as quickly as we can.

[Because it got wrecked. Wheatley has been doing the best he can, but he was Wheatley. Things were going about as well as anyone could expect.]

In order to speed this process, I would like to ask if there is anyone currently present that is skilled with robotics? My assistant's robotic chassis was... unfortunately incapacitated. It would be greatly appreciated if we could ask for your assistance in repairing it.

[She looks about as uncomfortable as someone who only linefaces could. The little girl looked down at her desk for a few moments and then she picked up a piece of paper with a crude drawing of a flower on it, holding it up to fill the whole frame.]

... I am also... searching for this flower, if anyone has seen one. There used to be a small patch of them in the forest, but that part of the forest no longer exists. I do not know where else to look... They are somewhat large, and come in different colors. I would be very grateful if anyone could point me to where they have seen one. It is... very important.

Thank you.

[It's near impossible for Soryk to not sound particularly bored and it doesn't always mean that he is. Just that he's grown an apathetic tone for most of his life that he can't seem to avoid it, even when carrying on casual conversation.]

Considering the nature of the celebration, I fully expect to see the Headless Horseman or his shade about. In fact, I may be downright disappointed if I am not privvy to an onslaught of—

[He clears his throat and does a horrendously haughty accent before he ends it with some outlandish laughter. Except mayhap it doesn't sound too different from how he normally sounds.]

—"Here's my body, fit and pure! Now, your blackened souls I'll cure!"

[As he composes himself once more, he continues.] Truth be told, however, how is it that this world can hold some similarities to the one I left behind? Is it intentional, or does it imply that this very world is a parallel to the one I came from?

And I still have not the slightest why anyone here would celebrate just such an occasion. It hardly seems more than a reason to make merry.

[The video clicks on to Sable, surrounded by different spooOOOooOOOooky masks.]

Hello, everyone! I know that Halloween is just a week away, and I'm not sure if everyone is set on what costume everyone is wearing on that day... Ah, if you'd still like to dress up for the occasion, but you haven't set your mind on what you'd like to dress up as, then I might have a solution for you.

[Sable holds up one of the masks - a spooOOooOOoooky werewolf mask!]

My sisters sent me a box full of these masks. It turns out that they had a surplus of masks, and so they sent me some in the hopes of selling them. But...you don't have to pay for these, not if you want to. I know that sometimes money can be a bit tight, so, I'll be giving these away. If you want any of them, please come by my office and pick them up! Here, let me show you...

[Sable adjusts the camera down towards her sewing desk to show the masks all in their glory.]

I've got some mummy masks, Frankenstein masks, werewolf masks, ghost masks, bug masks and skull masks! And, if none of those strike your fancy, then of course I'm available to make something for you instead. I'd love to work on some Halloween costumes! I'm thinking about switching up what I usually dress up as...oh my, I need to get started planning on that. Feel free to swing by my office to pick some masks up or to give me a project to do, I don't mind at all.

[Wild BEARTIGER appears!]

Are you guys freakin' seeing this?? Of course you're freakin' seeing this. There's a big ass island up in the sky! Does anybody know how to get up there? Because I wanna check this out. I mean, holy crap, this is big.

In case you see a blonde guy with four arms walkin' around don't worry it's just me. Max.

I guess I turned into a Machamp overnight? I woke up with four arms. And blond hair. And I can turn into a Machamp.

Slowpoke says he could take me, but I think I could put up a pretty good fight.

I gotta think more carefully about how I grab for stuff and type. That'll take some gettin' used to.

So anyway. I got four arms now. Just felt I should tell you guys. I'll be fine.

I bet I can shoulder press like, a whole snorlax. I wonder if I can blacksmith better. Probably lots of advantages to havin' more arms.

Don't worry, I'm still gonna do everything I normally do. Blacksmith in the morning and weight trainin' for anybody that needs it, me included. So, yeah. Just, you know. Like regular.

It's like Christmas and my birthday and winning a war all rolled up into one.

[WHAT'S THIS it's another mysterious post with no network username attached. NINJA MAGIC!??!?? Ninja magic. Astute observers might recognize the voice as belonging to Sheik.]

Don't go into the bunkers alone. I'm sure at least some of you are thinking it.

[Guess who went into the bunkers alone.]

I need someone more mechanically-minded than I to take a look at something.

---
( private to Daisy )

[Suddenly, a man with a strange seaweed hair style. He looked rather upset, or did he? It was unclear. Because at some degree, Garry was happy about being back; but there was a very big confusion. Garry could've sworn this place seemed far more different than when he last left. Then he saw the calendar, and well.]

I...I don't believe this! How could so much time have passed since I left! I was only gone for a couple weeks and now this place tells me it's been months??

That makes no sense!! I didn't want to have been gone for so long, now the school year is over!

[He took a moment to then calm himself down. Forgetting that this meant there were those who didn't know him, or hadn't seen him for a while. This made for a great impression/return to the school. Garry had to recover, quick. After all, he wanted to come back to the crazy. People he missed and the teaching he missed, let's not screw this up.]

Anyway-! I'm Garry and I'm your old, er, or new Painting teacher. Nice to meet you all, or see you again. Whichever!

Aaaah, I suppose if anyone still needs me before the school year for anything, let me know!

Oh gosh, I'm so embarrassed.

Hello, one and all! I'm Randall Ascot and I will be joining you at the start of the next school year here at Smash Academy. It's... [ THERE'S SO MUCH WEIRD SHIT AROUND HERE. ] Certainly been interesting thus far!

However there is something I urge you to look over before we continue, hm?

( you knew this was coming )

::The video feed turns on. It's clearly coming from Max's account, but there's no Max pictured on the video. Instead, there is a slowpoke on the screen.::



::Five minutes of Slowpoke staring into the camera passes.::
( Did you keep watching, or did you stop? If you kept watching... )

Hey, uh...

[Hey, it's...this guy! Some of you might remember this guy, but it's been a while. How long has it been? Like two years? Yeah, he maybe looks about two years older. He's still squinting, though.

Maybe he is a little embarrassed about being gone for as long as he has, even if he was off doing important things.

He sits against a backdrop of a normal teacher's dorm, except there appears to be a very large swath of tarp covering where a back wall should be. He thumbs in the general direction of this gaping hole.]

The wall of my dorm kind of got knocked in when that giant monster was rampaging through prom. It was repaired, but then it fell again, and it hasn't been fixed since. Is that normal?

[Someone please help this poor man.]

[The silence is probably more enjoyable than whatever condescending tone Soryk wears.]

How good to speak with you all again. And for those of you who do not know me, or have for one reason or another, forgotten me, do pay a visit to the poisons instruction room and I imagine I would be pleased to make your acquaintance.

With that aside, there are two things of import I should like to discuss. One being the final exam for my class. I have chosen a suitable challenge that I think will be more of use.

Each student has been assigned a specific plant and a specific poison, along with the procedures required to make the final result. The final product must be delivered to me prior to the gala, otherwise I will be barring you from attending. Simple, no?

[He laughs. That horrible, obnoxious laugh. No, seriously. Who let him out of his cage.]

( PRIVATE SECRET TEXT MESSAGE TO HIFUMI YAMADA )
---
[WHAT'S THIS it's another mysterious post with no network username attached. NINJA MAGIC!??!?? Ninja magic. Sheik is, of course, half-shrouded in darkness as usual. It's all very mysterious.]

I am looking for no more than two or three individuals willing to accompany me on an excursion into the bunkers beneath the school. I do not expect it to be dangerous, but volunteers should be willing to defend themselves if necessary.

• Aquenda - A letter and with it pressed flowers, perfectly preserved and dried.
• Ellistree - A rather small dagger with an intricately designed handle and scabbard.
• Vianca - A leather-bound book written in his own hand complete with sketches of various plants in the academy's forest and their venomous properties.
• Zelda - A bracelet and with it a missive requesting that he be allowed to see her later.

[Soryk sounds mostly like he's full of a flamboyant disbelief. Which is really no different from how he normally is.]

My gods, the way things turn here is astounding.

One day, everyone seems to be quite chipper enough in their own personal world. And then the next, we fall to some goblin engineering robotic offspring taking a delightful escapade through our halls.

How am I to complete my research with such an atrocious racket taking place?

[Oh. Woe is him, evidently. Or maybe he's just being really sarcastic. Take your pick.]

A casual Monday outing turned tragic when two men were brutally gunned down in front of Malo's Gun and Ammunition mart. The victims; Kaplan Stridehr and Marple Dethrris were found dead with a single Aperture-Brand Resolution Pellet to the head. A third victim, Hendorff Ditherrs, was found at the scene asphyxiated to death. All three of the victims regularly donated community service hours to the FLUDD orphanage and were cherished by their grieving families.

The murder suspects, Kiyotaka Ishimaru, Vivan Johnson, and Rick Johnson, all attend Smash Academy and have been interrogated at least once by the FDCPD. Rick has been hospitalized for the time being with life-threatening injuries, though his condition is stable. He will be questioned when he regains consciousness. It's unclear if his injuries were inflicted in self-defense, or by the other two Smash Academy students in the middle of the attack.

The Smash Academy students claim they were the ones who acted in self defense, but FDCPD has not reached a clear verdict yet to a very messy and terrible situation.

"It's not completely clear this was in self defense." says the police chief. "If you're not looking to kill, you don't put a bullet in someone's head."

Several eye witnesses to the attack also claim the smaller student, Vivian, was the one who open fired and murdered the victims, unprovoked. All three are on juvenile preemptive probation until further investigations are finished. It should be worth noting, again, these were non-human students of Smash Academy, a fighting school that accepts many different kinds of unnatural, humanoid creatures. They could still be considered dangerous despite the probation. Aperture Science is also being questioned for product deficiency, but has not returned any of our calls.

[Lakitu, an unnatural, humanoid turtle man, shuffles the papers on his desk and prepares for the next, possibly vaguely related news story.]

An abandoned church on the east side of the city was mysteriously engulfed in flames last night. Fire accelerants were noted in the area, suggesting that this was no accident. It's uncertain if this incident is related to the gun attack, but non-human terrorists are suspected given the target. If you have any important clues or tips to report, please call the FDCPD immediately.

It's truly terrible this historic building has been reduced to tinder and ashes. Residents are outraged and are calling for Martial law. Mayor Tabuu is taking this into consideration with rising rates of violence and crime, but states he is not likely to come to a decision or see any action result for a least a month, especially given the complicated nature of FDC. Martial law would necessitate the need for an outsourced, contracted military, and the Mayor wants to ensure he has the best for the job.

---

[video]

[Seth appears on video, close up and fiddling with the camera before settling in his seat, a grim expression on his face.]

In case you weren't aware about a certain fiasco that happened between Mary and Vianca a while ago, a new development has recently come to my attention, and I for one am ashamed. Shame on you!

Honestly, she's just a child and didn't know any better. That's no reason for anyone to go antagonize and bully her! I want to think better of our student body.

You're all so quick to turn a blind eye when that murderous swordsman returned to campus. You hardly bat an eyelash at knowing there's at least three new and different murder suspects residing right here! Have any of you even seen the news lately? They're right here, living amongst you all--murderers as your very neighbors. But the moment a naive little girl does something she didn't even know was wrong you ostracize her unfairly. I don't want to name names but you know who you are.

Everyone's double standards here are truly unsettling. You should all think on your sins.

[Ahem. He clears his throat and adjusts his collar, as if to clear out all that ~undignified emotional outpouring~]

Anyway, I apologize if any of that came across as harsh or blunt, and Mary's poor name shouldn't be dragged through the mud any longer. Mary has all my condolences, I wish her the best and above all that this doesn't happen again. That was a while ago anyway--old news. She should know better by now.

I'll see to it personally.

[The feed picks up and to some, it might be a familiar face. The half-elf girl seems to be in good spirits as she finishes drying her hair and pulls the bathrobe tighter around herself before addressing the device.]

Hello Academy residents! I have returned. I hope you all enjoyed your seasonal time as much as I did. I ventured off into the wilds and learned many new things about this place I now reside in. While it was greatly enjoyable I had to return in order to continue my time in this school which I'm looking forward to!

Has anything happened in my absence? How has everyone been? Feel free to come visit if you'd like! I've been moved to BW-17 and I promise I'll be properly dressed by then! I just couldn't wait to say hello!

See you all 'round.

[Ellistree winks and blows a kiss at the screen before going off camera to dress.]

[There's a parrot hanging off one of her horn, chewing on one of her braids. Aque doesn't seem to mind at all.]

I wonder about the lessons taught here, sometimes. U-um, not that they are bad or wrong! No, what I mean is, where I am from, we would learn from stories. Stories that happened to people, stories about the gods, that kind of thing. Things are very different here. Different is not bad, but...

Ah... To tell the truth, I miss having stories to listen to like that. Usually they come from the elders, but anyone can have something to tell, I think.

So the thing I am trying to say...

[Suddenly she makes a small sound of surprise, as Moema has taken interest in her shiny earrings instead. She grabs the bird and places him out of camera with a Taurahe scolding. RUDE, Moema.]

Uh, right, what I was trying to say is that I want to hear the stories of this world. How was it created, anyway? There are some things so much like home, but at the same time, so many differences. It is a very, um, curious thing! So I want to know more about it. Or about anything. Even a story of just this city, too. Or about the gods and spirits. Probably, I will enjoy hearing anything. Hehe...