smashacademy | [VIDEO]

Entry tags:

[VIDEO]

::The video feed turns on. It's clearly coming from Max's account, but there's no Max pictured on the video. Instead, there is a slowpoke on the screen.::

::Five minutes of Slowpoke staring into the camera passes.::

::Then suddenly, the slowpoke opens its mouth and says...::

Sllllloooooowwwwwwpoooooooke. Slllllllllllllllllllllloooooooooooooooooooowwwwwww. Poke. Poke.
[Poketranslation: Hagakure, I'm having headaches, too.]

::Seven more minutes of Slowpoke staring at the screen occurs.::

::Suddenly, from off screen, the sound of a door opening. Maximilian Justice Powers, wearing a leather apron, and covered in soot on his face and forearms appears in the background. He lifts his prodigious arm up and sniffs beneath it.::

Gah, I smell like a pig made outta iron and sweaty balls. I gotta get a shower in before lunch.

::The apron gets tossed to the side, followed by his shirt and then, whoops, there goes his pants, too and. . . . . . and . . . his orange star boxers. All tossed into a pile. He turns around and looks at the room. He notices Slowpoke at his over-sized computer desk.::

Slowpoke, how'd you get up to the computer? ::He looks more intently:: How'd... how'd you get the video light thing to come on? I can never figure that out... Are you? Are you makin' a video? Am I? . . .

::Max's hand slowly lowers down to cover his nethers, and he then reaches over and grabs a pillow off of his bed and holds it in front, as it seems a bit more likely to make sure everyone is covered than just his hand when in motion, then runs up to the computer, so now it's all shouting muscles behind a pink, happy-faced blob::

OH GEEZ, YOU CAN'T MAKE A VIDEO WHEN I'M NAKED HOW DO YOU TURN THAT THING OFF?

::Max just starts randomly hitting keys on his keyboard::

IS IT STILL ON? ::it's still on::

HOW DO YOU TURN IT OFF WITHOUT SMASHIN' THE COMPUTER?

::Slowpoke speaks::

SLOOOOOOOWPOKE POKE.

[I think you look nice with a beard.]

::Slowpoke's tail slowly reaches up to the keyboard and hits a couple of keys while Max contemplates turning his computer into a used-to-be-a-computer. The feed cuts off.::

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

::So you actually watched 12 minutes of a slowpoke just staring into a camera? You did?::

Hi Max! Hi Slowpoke!

Sorry to hear about your headaches, Slowpoke. Do you think a Full Heal would help? Because I have a Full Heal I could give you.

Max.... You.... that was.... Hmmm.

I'm really sorry that happened to you. Don't be too worried, OK? Probably hardly anyone saw anything!

[ Wrong.

She saw.

She saw it all. ]

[first you flash his ex

now you flash his robodaughter

MAX, YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAAAAAAAAR]

::This was not his fault. He had nothing to do with this. You cannot blame him.::

::You had to learn some day. You've learned from the best.::

Sonny, this thing got posted? You watched it? You saw stuff?

What... did you see?

....uh. Um.

Pretty much everything? I mean, I don't care because it's not like we've never been in the locker room together or anything. But probably some people might be... uh...

You know what? Don't worry about it! Pokémon never wear clothes. Humans are kind of funny about clothes. Slowpoke isn't wearing clothes and he doesn't care. Probably no-one will even say anything.

Yeah, well, I don't like waggin' my dick around on the internet for no reason.

....there's a reason to wag that around on the internet?

[Oh poor, innocent, chaste, uneducated Sunshine Mortimer with his Safe Search and his limited interest in the internet beyond recipe websites.]

Uh. Yeah. Porn. Lotta porn out there. Lotta porn on the internet, Sonny.

I could probably make some cash doin' that if I wanted to, considering.

::considering::

....oh.

Oooooooooooh.

....I don't look at that stuff. I prefer kitten videos on MewTube.

I can lend you money if you ever really need money that bad. You don't have to do stuff like that. Just let me know. It's OK, Max.

Sonny, I got my own line of protein powder, and I'm an army general. I ain't hurtin' for money.

I ain't gonna make money by turnin' pornstar.

Good. I'm glad. I just wanted to let you know that if it ever came down to it, I would help you. Like if your protein powder ever became unpopular and the Army fired you and the school decided not to pay you.

Probably I could get you a job at my work. It's an army too. You have experience. Probably you'd get paid more than me to start out.

You... work for an army, Sonny?

Yeah! Since, like, October last year? Mostly I just fetch the Boss coffee and seven hams and do paperwork. And build him snowmen with rocks in their tummies and I do motivational speeches sometimes for the Goombas and Koopas. That part isn't really in my job description? But it's kind of silly that some of them just kind of wander off ledges into lava or bottomless pits or other stuff. They're worth more than that, you know? They're good guys. I like to see them empowered with a sense of positive personal agency within their jobs as conscripted minions.

So, I have sort of the same kind of job as You and Vinnie!

Sonny... I woulda gave you a job in the Orange Star Army. And you could have been doin' training with Vinnie when he was here. Weight lifting and joggin', too. Get you down to like 20% bodyfat, and big as a house.

You wouldn't have to work for some other army. I mean, I'm a little bit hurt that you didn't come ask to be in my army if you wanted an army job.

I wasn't really looking for an army job exactly? I was just looking for a job job. And so King Bowser seemed interested in hiring me after seeing my resume.

Don't be upset! I didn't mean to upset anyone. I just wanted to do more things and earn my own money to pay for my own needs. I used to rely on everyone else all the time for almost everything and it wasn't working well for me for a while... I'm proud that I got my own job, using my own resume that I made for myself. You know what I mean?

You're still my best friend and the closest thing I have to a Brother who's never been on Red's team. You don't have to be my Boss as well.

You work for Bowser? Ain't he sort of a jerk? Like, a really big jerk?

What? No way! Some people think that but actually he's really nice. People just don't understand him. You should try talking to him one day for yourself and then you could see that he's just a big, nice kind of fire breathing Blastoise guy.

You guys actually have plenty in common! I bet you could both eat seven hams.

Are you... sure about that?

I mean, yeah, I could eat a bunch of ham... but just 'cause a guy can eat a bunch of ham doesn't mean he's a good guy or not.

Oh, I don't mean he's a good guy because he can eat a lot of ham. Just that it's something you two could do together if you ever wanted to say Hi to him and get to know him better. That's all!

[Look the idea of his best friend and his Boss being buddies is just awesome, OK? Plus he has no idea what munsterbation is.]

He does things to help out around the school. Sometimes, he has to get me to help him do that because people jump to conclusions about him. People don't jump to conclusions about me. I can use my people skills to help him help the school. It's a really rewarding feeling.

And you're sure about all of that? You're real sure about your boss bein' okay on the inside? Real, real sure about that? Don't he kidnap ladies?

I think he's had problems with the monarchs of neighboring Kingdoms from time to time but I try not to ask too many questions about that stuff. It's more of a personal matter, you know? You have to know where to draw the line between being a busy bee and a busy body in the work place.

But yeah! I'm real sure he's a good guy!

So good to see humans here are just as scatterbrained as anticipated. Do be certain to keep yourself covered.

[Humans are so unsightly.]

I was in my own room! How was I supposed to know Slowpoke was makin' a video when I showed up?

::Your face is unsightly.::

Mayhap you ought to learn to control your animals better.

He ain't an animal that I control, he's my friend. He's a pokemon, and pokemon are people. Just animal people.

He likes to crash on my floor, so I let him crash on my floor.

To be perfectly fair, some people ought to be controlled. I know absolutely nothing about these pokemon of which you speak, but if it looks like an animal and sounds like an animal, then it is an animal and to some degree, they do follow command.

Uh, like, a bunch of the students and teachers at this school are pokemon. Sonny, that Jock Kid, Jolt, Char, Bulba, Nyx, lots of them are.

So, don't just go thinkin' that people's people and animals are animals without thinkin' about stuff first.

I do so hate having to break this to you, but you are an animal, and so am I as well. Perhaps you ought to reevalute your statement, or simply accept that we shall not be able to see eye-to-eye on this matter.

Anybody ever tell you before that you're a dick? 'Cause you're bein' a giant dick right now. At first you weren't usin' animal the way you're usin' animal now, but since you went and changed what you mean by it, you're callin' me an idiot 'cause you think you're a smartass.

Actually, allow me to repeat myself. I never changed the meaning of the word 'animal.' I said you should learn to control your animals better.

You took great offence to me calling that creature an animal, though that is clearly what it is. The term 'animal,' is not an insulting one, so I find it interesting that you interpreted it as one. Being an animal is a very natural core of existence and it is something we all have in common.

While I did say that some animals should have been controlled, that also was not an offensive implication. For some can cause some conflict, large or small. Yours did, after all, though it was small in my eyes--though mayhap not to others.

I respect your opinion and your right to share it, but I cannot agree to stating things in the fashion you want me to state them. Before you deny that, your accusation--

"...you're bein' a giant dick right now."

--means that you would prefer I soften my words instead of being straight forward and direct with you. I never called you an idiot. You took offence to me calling an animal an animal and to further demonstrate why the term is not insulting, I used you and me as an example. If I truly wanted to insult you, I never would have included myself in that pool.

Now, as I have likely wasted a good deal of your time by explaining myself, I imagine you will pick out plenty that you are offended by, so I will save you the trouble and leave you to your business. You have an interesting way of thinking, and it is probable that you share that in common with the people of my world. We will never see eye-to-eye, but at the end of the day, I will still respect that about you.

... it's like talkin' to Hawke.

[That's unexpected beyond belief.]

...Who?

A guy I know who hates me 'cause he thinks I'm dumb and also 'cause I kicked his ass when his punkass army tried to invade my country.

Usually hatred and loathing comes about by better reasons than someone's stupidity or lack thereof. I am willing to wager he despised you for being triumphant in war. People seldomly enjoy losing one from personal observation.

Yeah, probably. He always was a sore loser. But I'm pretty sure he felt he was better'n me 'cause I was just a dumb tank jockey instead of bein' smart like him.

::This has been a very strange conversation.::

Smart is all relative and subjective. People who feel superior look down on others. But superiority is a façade. A person who acts that way, usually has a plethora of insecurities that he hides behind arrogance.

[And that's something Soryk can relate to. He's lashed out once or twice at others, and not truly because of anything they did.

But he's trying to be better about that. Sort of. It's a long process.]

I got no idea how I'm supposed to read you.

My advice would be to read me like you would read anyone else. There is always more at work than what you see, and what you are shown may not necessarily be all there is.

I never intend to come off as rude, though once upon a time, I likely did so deliberately. I have a way of wording things without consideration for others. It is something I will work on.

[A tiny step for the good of things. What an accomplishment.]

Yeah. Alright. Well, I'm glad you ain't tryin' to be rude to people anymore. That's a step in the right direction.

Just, you know. Show a little more respect for pokemon bein' their own guys, I guess. It ain't my fault he did what he did, and he's his own guy.

I am still going to call them animals, but I have never denied an animal did not have their own will. Where I come from, some of the wild animals get tamed and used for combat alongside the master, but at the end of the day, they still have the freedom to gnaw off the face of the one who tamed them.

An animal is an animal is an animal, but even I believe they have their own souls and sentience.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[VIDEO]

somewhere

Re: somewhere

[Video reply. Some... time later.]

[ here not here vide-oh. ]

[not here either]

Re: [not here either]

Re: [ here not here vide-oh. ]

Re: [Video reply. Some... time later.]

Re: [Video reply. Some... time later.]

Re: [Video reply. Some... time later.]

Re: [Video reply. Some... time later.]

Re: [Video reply. Some... time later.]

Re: [Video reply. Some... time later.]

Re: [Video reply. Some... time later.]

Re: [Video reply. Some... time later.]

Re: [Video reply. Some... time later.]

Re: [Video reply. Some... time later.]

Re: [Video reply. Some... time later.]

Re: [Video reply. Some... time later.]

Re: [Video reply. Some... time later.]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

[audio]

Re: [audio]

Re: [audio]

Re: [audio]

Re: [audio]

Re: [audio]

Re: [audio]

Re: [audio]

[audio]

Re: [audio]

Re: [audio]

Re: [audio]

Re: [audio]

Re: [audio]

Re: [audio]

Re: [audio]

Re: [audio]

Re: [audio]

Re: [audio]