[VIDEO]

[tank_rockarms]

::The video feed turns on. It's clearly coming from Max's account, but there's no Max pictured on the video. Instead, there is a slowpoke on the screen.::



::Five minutes of Slowpoke staring into the camera passes.::

::Then suddenly, the slowpoke opens its mouth and says...::

Sllllloooooowwwwwwpoooooooke. Slllllllllllllllllllllloooooooooooooooooooowwwwwww. Poke. Poke.
[Poketranslation: Hagakure, I'm having headaches, too.]

::Seven more minutes of Slowpoke staring at the screen occurs.::

::Suddenly, from off screen, the sound of a door opening. Maximilian Justice Powers, wearing a leather apron, and covered in soot on his face and forearms appears in the background. He lifts his prodigious arm up and sniffs beneath it.::

Gah, I smell like a pig made outta iron and sweaty balls. I gotta get a shower in before lunch.

::The apron gets tossed to the side, followed by his shirt and then, whoops, there goes his pants, too and. . . . . . and . . . his orange star boxers. All tossed into a pile. He turns around and looks at the room. He notices Slowpoke at his over-sized computer desk.::

Slowpoke, how'd you get up to the computer? ::He looks more intently:: How'd... how'd you get the video light thing to come on? I can never figure that out... Are you? Are you makin' a video? Am I? . . .

::Max's hand slowly lowers down to cover his nethers, and he then reaches over and grabs a pillow off of his bed and holds it in front, as it seems a bit more likely to make sure everyone is covered than just his hand when in motion, then runs up to the computer, so now it's all shouting muscles behind a pink, happy-faced blob::

OH GEEZ, YOU CAN'T MAKE A VIDEO WHEN I'M NAKED HOW DO YOU TURN THAT THING OFF?

::Max just starts randomly hitting keys on his keyboard::

IS IT STILL ON? ::it's still on::

HOW DO YOU TURN IT OFF WITHOUT SMASHIN' THE COMPUTER?

::Slowpoke speaks::

SLOOOOOOOWPOKE POKE.

[I think you look nice with a beard.]

::Slowpoke's tail slowly reaches up to the keyboard and hits a couple of keys while Max contemplates turning his computer into a used-to-be-a-computer. The feed cuts off.::

Comments

Re: [Video reply. Some... time later.]

[tank_rockarms]

You... work for an army, Sonny?

Re: [Video reply. Some... time later.]

[punchtheflute]

Yeah! Since, like, October last year? Mostly I just fetch the Boss coffee and seven hams and do paperwork. And build him snowmen with rocks in their tummies and I do motivational speeches sometimes for the Goombas and Koopas. That part isn't really in my job description? But it's kind of silly that some of them just kind of wander off ledges into lava or bottomless pits or other stuff. They're worth more than that, you know? They're good guys. I like to see them empowered with a sense of positive personal agency within their jobs as conscripted minions.

So, I have sort of the same kind of job as You and Vinnie!

Re: [Video reply. Some... time later.]

[tank_rockarms]

Sonny... I woulda gave you a job in the Orange Star Army. And you could have been doin' training with Vinnie when he was here. Weight lifting and joggin', too. Get you down to like 20% bodyfat, and big as a house.

You wouldn't have to work for some other army. I mean, I'm a little bit hurt that you didn't come ask to be in my army if you wanted an army job.

Re: [Video reply. Some... time later.]

[punchtheflute]

I wasn't really looking for an army job exactly? I was just looking for a job job. And so King Bowser seemed interested in hiring me after seeing my resume.

Don't be upset! I didn't mean to upset anyone. I just wanted to do more things and earn my own money to pay for my own needs. I used to rely on everyone else all the time for almost everything and it wasn't working well for me for a while... I'm proud that I got my own job, using my own resume that I made for myself. You know what I mean?

You're still my best friend and the closest thing I have to a Brother who's never been on Red's team. You don't have to be my Boss as well.

Re: [Video reply. Some... time later.]

[tank_rockarms]

You work for Bowser? Ain't he sort of a jerk? Like, a really big jerk?

[punchtheflute]

What? No way! Some people think that but actually he's really nice. People just don't understand him. You should try talking to him one day for yourself and then you could see that he's just a big, nice kind of fire breathing Blastoise guy.

You guys actually have plenty in common! I bet you could both eat seven hams.

[tank_rockarms]

Are you... sure about that?

I mean, yeah, I could eat a bunch of ham... but just 'cause a guy can eat a bunch of ham doesn't mean he's a good guy or not.

[punchtheflute]

Oh, I don't mean he's a good guy because he can eat a lot of ham. Just that it's something you two could do together if you ever wanted to say Hi to him and get to know him better. That's all!

[Look the idea of his best friend and his Boss being buddies is just awesome, OK? Plus he has no idea what munsterbation is.]

He does things to help out around the school. Sometimes, he has to get me to help him do that because people jump to conclusions about him. People don't jump to conclusions about me. I can use my people skills to help him help the school. It's a really rewarding feeling.

[tank_rockarms]

And you're sure about all of that? You're real sure about your boss bein' okay on the inside? Real, real sure about that? Don't he kidnap ladies?

[punchtheflute]

I think he's had problems with the monarchs of neighboring Kingdoms from time to time but I try not to ask too many questions about that stuff. It's more of a personal matter, you know? You have to know where to draw the line between being a busy bee and a busy body in the work place.

But yeah! I'm real sure he's a good guy!