[When the feed crackles to life, Dr. Eggman is sitting up in a hospital bed, wearing one of those backless hospital gowns, tubes coming out of his nose and arm. He does not look to be in a good mood.]

WHERE. IS. THE CHEERLEADER?!

::The monitor turns on. In front of the screen is a large, spiky-haired, imposing man with the sort of scars that imply he is either really cool or got into a lot of fights when younger or perhaps both. His beard is a thing of beauty; it seems as if it would be able to cut through steel, should he jab quickly enough.::

My name is Doumeki Kai. I have arrived at this school to assist the junior member of the Yuuhi Ouendan Squadron, Tanaka Hajime. I am his head officer in the squadron. His well-being is of the utmost importance to me.

While here, I will be teaching a class. Upon my arrival, I was informed that the position of Physical Education instructor had been vacated by the previous instructor, a member of the Enlightened Nobility ouendan squad.

::There is a small pause in what he is saying. There's something he's not saying here.::

I am certain that you have been taught at an adequate level before this point, but my training is likely to be more intense than what you have experienced in the past. Please be aware that I am a strict observer of punctuality and preparation. Please make certain to arrive on time and ready to participate.

::His fist raises into the air and his eyes take on an intensity, as if there were a brilliant fire burning in the distance which they are reflecting.::

I EXPECT NOTHING BUT SUCCESS FROM EACH OF MY CHERISHED STUDENTS. THE THOUGHT OF YOUR HAPPY, SHINING FACES PARTICIPATING WITH CANDOR AND ENTHUSIASM FILLS MY HEART TO BURSTING.

::Oh Glob, that was terrifying. At least he's put his fist down and turned the gaze back down to 'regular terrifying.'::

If you have any questions, please state them to me directly.

::The video feed cuts off here.::

Not only is the weather horrific, Valentine's Day is approaching. Considering last year was an unmitigated disaster, I'm giving the residents of this campus fair warning that I will not be stopping for conversation with ANYONE on this day. I'm planning to avoid eye contact at all costs, and in fact, I might wear dark sunglasses. The holiday already sucks as it is, but last year I did things I shudder to think of under the influence of some dastardly force.

And thus, I won't be speaking to any of you. Honestly, it's great to get an excuse. It'll be a nice vacation from all the mindless drivel that spills out of the heads of certain people, human and non-human, dead or alive.

[Recording from her fancy doo hickey that's like a whole computer in a thin pad that she could break by sitting on.]

Did you all enjoy your winter break? I'm sure the mistletoe was just what you needed to complete the year.

I'd like to remind students that while many of you are fully capable of making your own decisions and your own errors, that it is necessary for you to take responsibility and preventative measures for your activities behind closed doors. That also extends to robotics and their non-robotic counterparts.

To further support the freedoms, I will be providing to my students personally any protection methods they may require. If you are going to give into carnal desires, then do so safely.

[Ziio pauses, as if she wants to say something more. "DON'T BE LIKE MY SOOOOOONNNNNNN" After a moment, she clears her throat and continues.]

And as always, your class schedule can be modified by visiting my office during day hours, if you feel you are in a class that does not suit your prerogative.

---

[Action Notes:
Ziio's office is open and unlocked to all visitors, students and staff alike, during the day. Come for career advice, classroom advice, issues with other students or faculty, etc., etc., and so on, and so on. Ziio will be your Clan Mother.]

Is everybody ready for the new semester?! It's always difficult to readjust to school life after a long break like that, which is why I recommend keeping up with one's studies each day to keep prepared! But if you haven't done that, don't worry. You still have one day left to review the coursework and refresh your memory!

[Boy, that sounds... exciting...]

It looks like the mistletoe infestation has worn off just in time for us not to worry about missing class due to being stuck, too! I understand that it was particularly unpleasant this year. I'm sure many of us were reminded of... of things that we would much rather forget. The past should definitely be learned from, but not so heavily dwelt upon. Right then! It's a fresh new year, so let's all leave that behind us and remember to focus on the future! Let's hear some resolutions for self-improvement! You've all already made them, haven't you?

Here, I'll start. This year, I resolve to-- [Wait, simply maintaining perfect grades through to graduation isn't necessarily an improvement, uhhh]-- find at least three new activities to enjoy with friends!

...And to maintain high grades until graduation. [Just so we're clear.] But that should go without saying for all of us students!

[A very shaky video feed from a cell phone camera pops up showing one incredibly excited young woman]

Ciao! How is everyone today? I hope the winter break has been treating you well?

[It takes a moment for Mona to realize that the crowd of people listening in on the network are likely not her usual fair. Habit of popping up randomly to address her fellow employees seems to have gotten the better of her.]

Oh! How silly of me, you're probably wondering why the heck a strange lady is babbling on, and on. Well, maybe I'm not so much of a stranger to most, perhaps there might be a few at the academy who might recognize my face? I mean, you never know, I might have delivered pizza to your door in the past, or maybe you know me from that huge video game company? It is a small world after all.

[Mona makes a sharp waving motion with her hand]

Anyhow, before I go flying off on a completely unrelated tangent, the name's Mona! I'm what you could consider to be the 'newbie' at school. Though mind you, back home in Diamond City I'm a senior student, so not incredibly new to the whole school thing. As of now, I'll be attending classes at Smash Academy as a transfer student. Sounds fun, huh?

[Only then does she realize how long she's been on the road and how late it's suddenly gotten. Time sure flies when you're having fun.]

If I keep standing out here talking I'm never going to get unpacked at this rate ha ha! Until next time, can't wait to meet you all in class!

[No schmooze and charm today. Hayato's taken care to make sure he looks presentable as ever, of course, but besides that it's short and to the point.]

Well then, let's take a head count of those who have fallen ill. Staff and students alike. I'm no doctor, but I'm curious about the symptoms. This little outbreak obviously isn't a standard flu, whatever it is. I wonder what the source is...? [And if it really is contagious... He feels fine so far but he'd rather not let his guard down.]

Those of you taking my class, if you're sick, don't worry about showing up. If enough are sick I'll cancel it entirely until this all blows over - but if you are in good health it'll keep you healthy to stay in shape, so do try to squeeze something in during that extra free time.

[And he can take care of picking up after his dearly departed assistant. NOT THAT HE CARES OR ANYTHING...]

[Hey it's that guy who can get all gross and sweaty just by being passionate or nervous about something. He must be passionately nervous already, just look at him. Wait, no, this is more of a clammy gross sweat going on...

Did he go to the dentist or something? It both looks and sounds like he's trying to speak through a mouth full of anesthetic.]

It appears to be flu season again, so here is your annual reminder of the precautions to take to ensure you do not get sick! Wash your hands thoroughly with soap and warm water and keep them away from your face! Use sanitizer whenever possible! Eat healthily, get enough sleep, don't...

[Ugh, hold on. He makes a bit of a face and takes a deep breath. It is super difficult to focus on making a PSA right now.]

Ah... don't... spread germs, even if you feel fine. [Nailed it.]

A...Actually, the symptoms of a flu include nau-- [URGH] --nausea, coughing, a sore throat, headaches, fever, and chills, but... I haven't heard anybody coughing at all!

[Even right now he's feeling more like his body isn't happy with something he ate, but he doesn't want to really broadcast that. Even if it's plenty obvious just looking at him. Why can't he feel his lips, though.]

It's still important to be vigilant against influenza! However... It occurs to me that what is going around now may only be the result of a mistake in the cafeteria, so... So it is also important to make sure that when you are preparing food, all produce is fresh and washed and all meat is cooked thoroughly! For those of you who include dairy in your diet, check those expiration dates!

[He cannot take this gastro-intestinal distress any longer.]

--Thankyouforlistening!

[CLICK. He's going to need a few minutes before he can respond to anyone.]

[Oh look, it's angel face over there on your screen. Whatever he's about to say, he seems pretty intent on saying it. Must be pretty important.]

So, I think it's pretty safe to say everyone here knows about that floating island that's been looming over our heads for a while. I know you're probably sick of hearing about it or even looking at it, but this is kind of a big deal. Me and Pyrrhon did a bit of exploring up there to see what we could find, and guess what? We found the secret to closing the rift where all the shadow bugs and stuff are coming from!

There was this document inside an evil lab in the mountain with a bunch of notes on it. It's a shame we didn't have time to look through them all, since... the lab blew up before we could do some serious reading. And a lot of the data was corrupted. But the most important thing we learned was that in order to close the rift, you need an explosion with an equal mag... magma... magnetude... to do it! And since this school blows up on a regular basis, I'm pretty sure we have more than enough bomb power combined to blow that rift right back to the dimension it belongs.

...Unfortunately, we still don't know where that rift is. So even if we had an explosion that big, where would we even put it? Anyone have any good leads yet? Let's talk about this!

[So SOMEONE is used to a life of fame and glory, doing promotional work involving cheer squad photoshoots and crap like that. Among this crap is an ANNUAL CALENDAR..

That he just found out was done without him this year.

And that a bear may or may not have been dressed up in a uniform and filled in for him. Hayato is not sure how much of the text message he should believe, but he doesn't rule that possibility out.

Either way, he is BUTTHURT. But he's determined not to miss out on the fun entirely. So here he is, all charming/smug smiles and bright ideas.]

I'm looking for an elite team of those who love the camera and who the camera loves right back.

It's nearly the end of the year, which means calendar sales will be shooting up pretty soon. So who wants to volunteer for a little school project? A Smash Academy calendar does sound like quite something, doesn't it? This school is rather well known in this city, so it has potential.

The proceeds will go toward a charity just in time to make the holidays a whole lot cheerier for those in need, people who need to keep track of dates will make their walls a little more beautiful... it's for a good cause all around.

How about it?

[TIME TO DRAW CUTE PINUPS IS WHAT I'M SAYING HERE]

So one of the 'hands kind of hauled me back once they found out I've been avoiding the academy. Look, no offense to anyone, but with wormholes 'round, who knows where'd ya end up. Been there, met Cleopatra though she was pretty much... [he grimaced, THAT MISSION SURE WAS A FUN TIME, GOLLY.]

'Right, whatever, name's Ryuuta Ippongi and I'll be your assistant coach for gym. Just because I have 'assistant' on my job description doesn't mean you'll guys get an easier pass to slack off, if anything I'll make sure to work your asses off while helping out the other guy. I don't care if you're late to class or still learning the ropes, but if you show spirit, you'll get extra points in my book. Don't try to fake either, I have a knack for that shit.

( Action for HAYATO SAIIIIIOOOONJIIIIIIIIIIIIII )

[Look it's a video feed! Whoever is on the screen though is hiding behind a mask, moving side to side and singing a chipper tune he carries quite well.]

Ha~ppy Birthday to me~♪, Ha~ppy Birthday to me~♪ Happy B--Oh. [He pauses and taps a finger to his chin thoughtfully.] Hm. I suppose [He removes the mask and, yes, if you remember him it's definitely "Seth Richardson", freckles and all. The only thing different are the dark bags under his eyes and the distinct lack of a forehead jewel. Oh and that big scar across his cheek, but let's not talk about that, shall we? He looks like he's in a good mood.] I should call it a Death Day now. That would be more appropriate wouldn't it? Yes, let's celebrate that instead. The day I came so close to saving you all from yourselves, Smash Academy. What a noble sacrifice. I wouldn't take it back for anything in the world now. You're welcome.

Maybe someone would be so kind as to put a cake out in the rain for me. I won't eat it, of course. That's disgusting. And you'd be dreadfully late anyway.

But it's the thought that counts, right?

It we haven't met yet, that's fine too. You can call me Warren. [He moves the mask back over his face and FADES AWAY into thin air, laughing a good, hearty spooky ghost-type laughter. How creepy.] We'll meet soon enough.

Are any of you familiar with the legend of the Dragon's Gate? They say that there exists a huge waterfall running off a great mountain. Fish swim upstream against the harsh current, but most tire out and are swept away. But those who have the courage to persist and make it to the top of the waterfall are transformed into a beautiful, powerful dragon.

It's a good lesson, isn't it?

That's right! Even though this school has countless obstacles and hurdles and dangers looming quite literally right over our heads, if we give up, we too will be pushed back and will make no progress! We must press on through the unforgiving current, and when we make it, we will come out stronger than ever! All right! Let's do our best to reach the top!!

[What brought this up? Is someone trying to keep himself from going nuts at the idea of one last year here... probably.]

On another note... There are many Pokemon and trainers here, so if anybody has any advice on raising a Magikarp, I'm all ears!

[Ah. Ah. That's it.

ACTION TIMES: Kiyotaka can be found bonding with an ugly fish he lets swim in a kiddie pool out in the stadium some days. Most of the time he can be found studying. Livin' on the edge. Although whatever he's doing, he seems to be favouring his left arm a little.]

[To put it nicely, Hajime's school spirit is at a minimum. But that's no reason not to show his support for his fellow students, is it? The state of this school hardly falls on any of them. For their sake, he's going to give the most spirited pep talk he can muster on camera!

Wow, look at that, he even hung up a huge banner behind him. Did he make that himse—of course he did, look, don't stare too hard at it, please don't mention the smeared paint and ugly colors, he put his all into it, okay, and it's hanging straight which is all you can really ask for, right?]

Smash Academy! We're well into another semester at this school! I assume you're all beginning to settle in to a new schedule with our new classes. Do your best!

[The best you can, in this school. Truly, he hopes you survive. More importantly, though:]

Beyond academics, however, fall means that the sports seasons are starting anew! Let's all remember to show the Flaming Hobos our greatest support! YOU CAN DO IT, TEAM! GIVE IT ALL YOU'VE GOT HOORAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

As an extra reminder to all students, the cheer squad is always accepting new recruits. Show your passion for your peers, unleash your inner spirit for all the world to see! HRRAAH!

( Action options!! )

[There's a scruffy young man on the screen. I mean his hair is washed, and everything, which is just... like, super amazing... wow. Hot water. You guys have it good. What was I saying? Right, scruffy. Cleaned up some, sure, but still in shabby clothes and generally haggard, weary in a way that makes him look way older than he is. He looks sort of familiar, if you squint

He looks pretty goddamn serious, or is certainly giving his best effort to be, but he keeps getting halfway there and getting lost, overwhelmed. God, he wants this to work, but he has no clue how to make it happen. He just wants to help, somehow, please.]

Smash Academy.

My name is Hajime Tanaka. You... may have known me. Know... still know me. A past... me. [time travel is the worst why]

Most of you have surely noticed, by now, the strange occurrences affecting your friends, or perhaps yourselves. I am certain many of you are worried and confused by the matter, but it is important for you to understand: no matter how much duress they may cause you, these effects are little more than a distraction from something much greater and more terrible to come.

The warped sky you've seen in the last month, the shadow insects and the monsters they make--they're the first signs of a terrible calamity yet to come. This school rests atop a dimensional boundary, and it is ready to split and unleash untold chaos upon Final Destination City. I come from the future, to... wow, that... sounds so silly out loud--I have come from the future where it has already happened, and it's... it's... been a bad time. I don't... I'd rather you not have to deal with it, is the thing.

I understand that many groups have already gone to investigate and inspect the catacombs beneath the school. Any who are willing and able, I implore you to keep looking, to try and locate the rift and put an end to this invasion before the world can end.

Those of you who can't or won't look for whatever reason, be warned and be ready in case of whatever may occur. Prepare and store whatever you can--food, weapons, clothes, whatever amenities you can. Locate safe places to hide, or--

[Wait. Wait this is either going to instill panic, or make him look like a nut. Deep breaths. Okay.]

The... the most important thing to me is that people are ready. We were taken by surprise last time. I cannot possibly emphasize how little I want that to happen to you all again.

((replies from firegonedire))

In case you see a blonde guy with four arms walkin' around don't worry it's just me. Max.

I guess I turned into a Machamp overnight? I woke up with four arms. And blond hair. And I can turn into a Machamp.

Slowpoke says he could take me, but I think I could put up a pretty good fight.

I gotta think more carefully about how I grab for stuff and type. That'll take some gettin' used to.

So anyway. I got four arms now. Just felt I should tell you guys. I'll be fine.

I bet I can shoulder press like, a whole snorlax. I wonder if I can blacksmith better. Probably lots of advantages to havin' more arms.

Don't worry, I'm still gonna do everything I normally do. Blacksmith in the morning and weight trainin' for anybody that needs it, me included. So, yeah. Just, you know. Like regular.

It's like Christmas and my birthday and winning a war all rolled up into one.

TOGES, NAEGS, HINA WHERE ARE YOU I'M IN A SCHOOL WHERE THERE ARE FREAKING WINDOWS THAT YOU CAN SEE OUT OF AND THE SKY LOOKS SORT OF ALMOST NORMAL AND THIS COMPUTER LAB ACTUALLY HAS WORKING COMPUTERS AND FOR SOME REASON I HAD AN ACCOUNT ON IT.

ARE YOU GUYS HERE, TOO?

HINA?

HE'S HUNGRY.

I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THAT.

HINA???????
HINA?????????
٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶ HINA?!?!?!?!?! ლ(ಠ_ಠლ)

Are there any other psychics at school? Am I the only one having weird splintering-of-reality headaches?

Normally I get, like, three or four random psychic flashes a day, but I've been having three or four an hour for the last two days and it's starting to get confusing and painful, dude. Like, it's just... like reality is fragmenting into little splinters and then reforming itself back into the world, but the crack-marks are still there and I can feel them grating on the tip of my tongue when I drink things.

Sometimes I think I have a beard, but then I don't have a beard.

Am I the only one? Is anyone else getting phantom beards or needles mouth or fragments of reality tearing at the corners of your eyes?