[Speaking of bunkers... it's time some basement dwelling creature emerges from his natural habitat. It was a long, cold, dark sleep that Yamada endured, but soon he found himself alive and well, albeit still very much in the dark. He was within a cacophony of corridors, a deep dark bunker of sorts. No, once his eyes adjusted it appeared to him this had to be a massive storage space. What was anyone storing down here? Well, once he stumbled his way out and located the campus surface--not any campus he was familiar with, mind you--he will be more than happy to inform of his discovery.

Behold, the mighty hair boner ahoge in his natural element. A portly boy sits comfortably in what appears to be the computer labs. He adjusts his glasses and clears his throat. Time to focus on the important matters at hand.]

Keh! This is every bit as abnormal as it was before! Attention Sumabura Ga-- citizens, denizens and NPCs of this educational establishment. I bring you grave news from the great beyond. The things I've seen and heard will astound and amaze.

There are INCREDIBLE life-sized figurines stored in your basement! Were you even aware? There's dozens, nay, dozens of dozens! Excellent quality, even comparable to the likes of Figma. I should know! I, the Legendary Hifumi Yamada, know true quality craftsmanship when I see it. But there's a definite problem with this. Definitely a definite problem.

[FIST SHAKING NERD RAGE AT YOUR SCREEN right here right now!!!]

I nearly had a HEART ATTACK at the TERRIBLE CONDITION they were in! Leaving them just standing out in the open, out of their boxes and covered in dust and darkness. I'm offended! Disgusted! Appalled! No merchandise should be treated like that!

...Ahem. I will trade the owners for sanctuary of these unfortunate but enticing relics. Please inquire within, serious offers only, plzkthnx.

[Nevermind he was somewhere in the afterlife not few moments ago; this is clearly more important.]

::A panicked looking man who needs to shave and who has more hair in dreadlocks than should be humanly possible appears on screen.::

WHY AM I IN ANOTHER SCHOOL? NAEGS, 'HINA, KIRI, TOGES, KAWA, DUDES, HELP. I DON'T WANT TO KILL ANYBODY. I DON'T UNDERSTAND. THERE WAS A GIANT HAND. IS THAT MONOHAND? I THOUGHT I WAS DONE WITH SCHOOL FOREVER, DUDE.

::The panic slightly subsides. He at least stops yelling things into the microphone, goodness.::

Help me. Somebody help me. I already went to high school twice. I'm twenty-two, dude. I don't need this in my life. DESPAIR IS MORE SCHOOL. At least I can breathe the air alright. And nobody's wearin' a Monokuma mask. Wwwwwwwhhhhhhhyyyyyyyy?

::He starts hiccuping. They're terror hiccups.::

::Two hours after Asahina's initial, joyous voicepost announcing the sea of hovering donuts outside (and inside in some cases) this text message appears.::

I have discovered where my Hovering Donuts DX machine had been knocked over and set into overdrive mode in the Science Labs. It has been turned off after producing, according to its internal counter, 298,102 donuts before I was able to turn it off.

After several days, the majority of the donuts left on campus should become stale enough to ascend into the lower levels of the atmosphere, provided it does not rain between now and then.

I will move the machine to my home in Twoson to prevent an accident like this from happening a third time.

On a lighter note, I am looking to begin another Dungeons and Dragons session. If anyone would like to play, just leave me a message. In fact, I have one player lined up already.

[Private Level 5 to RICK]
I know.

[Not that Sakura is tech challenged, exactly, but video networks put you on the spot a bit. Not something she enjoys.]

...Hello. I wish to make a formal introduction. My name is Sakura Oogami. I am new to this school.

[...Is that enough? That's not enough.]

I would also like to inquire about what sports clubs are available in this school, wrestling in particular. I was told this school houses great fighters, and so I hope to challenge all of you, eventually.

For now, however, I have one more question: Where is the best place in town to buy protein?

[ We open with a little girl who looks less than pleased with whatever she's prepared to say, but still manages to maintain her eerie smile for PR sake. (Maybe.)

You might remember her from such films as, "Oh Shit, That Little Girl is Shooting Everyone," "The Other Robot Child of That Noisy Hall Monitor Guy. What an Annoying Dude," and "The Other Robot Child of That Noisy Hall Monitor Guy Part 2: Not Anymore, Because Dr. Robotnik Adopted Her." awful, but i'd watch every single one on netflix

As soon as she has awareness that she's being recorded, she wastes no time to speak. ]

Hello.

[ A cooler, more soothing voice than before, however through it was undeniable proof she was still a child. It remained small and polite, touched by the potential to mature but still not quite in its reach. ]

I'm Vivian. I'm your new hall monitor. [ uh. ] Please have your passes ready if we meet or I'll take you to the office.

[ And with that out of the way...

She holds up a picture. ]

I'm looking for these two nitwits. [ Courtesy of Eggman. Thanks. ] If you have seen them, please contact me.

[ She smiles sweetly. It's almost nostalgic. ]

Thank you.

[Between nonsense like underpants-related frame-ups and yakuza conspiracies and the annual stresses of an approaching school year, a certain someone is a little on edge. He's always pretty high strung but if you're really observant you might be able to tell that he is slightly more so today.]

The beginning of a new school year is almost upon us! I have been here long enough now to know exactly what is wrong with this academy, and this is the year changes will finally be brought about... But no one man can do it alone! That's why the Disciplinary Committee is recruiting once again!

We'll need those who value order and justice and, above all else, a strong work ethic! It will be a difficult journey, but let's do our best to create the ideal environment to encourage everyone to bring out their full potential as well! Only those who would take it seriously need apply!

On that note... We will also be needing a new faculty advisor! [THAT'S RIGHT BOWSER HE IS SICK OF YOUR SHIT.] The position is open immediately!

[And then, as a side note:] By the way, if any students have not chosen their courses yet, be sure to take care of that as soon as possible.

Everyone, let's turn this school around!

( A note to Hope's Peak transfers, hackable. )

[Knuckles is still looking pretty bruised up from his fight with Zero right after Prom. However, there is a matter that needs addressing.]

So, my buddy R.O.B. got pretty badly trashed by somebody out there. Robot with blue armor. I met a couple of those in my time and played against a couple more in football matches with Capcom High. They've all been pretty good people, so, I'm guessin' this one is a bad apple, rollin' away from the tree at top speed.

Anyone know who it was? Pretty interested to meet 'em. R.O.B. didn't get a name, but I'm betting someone knows who did it. If anyone has any information, let me know and let's make sure justice gets done.

On a lighter note, hope everyone enjoyed Prom. I had one heck of a night.

[There is Blue. Blue is on the video. She has her chin in her hands sitting in front of a bed, and its really obvious she's not in her usual room. The bed is super messy and there are chew toys and bones balancing off the side. What.

Yeah she was still in Jock's room, don't freak out, Blaze. SHE... PROBABLY TOLD YOU...

Probably she could touch on some of the more serious current events, but she can only take so much thinking on those on her own before the desire to talk about something more uplifting took over.]

Graduation is coming up, isn't it? How many are you are graduating? Do you have plans yet? It must be really exciting to be hitting that milestone!

I think I saw something about a dance too...? Is that right? I thought those sorts of things were usually separate!

So, after I met this guy at school who wasn't normally a human but who had a human body, and he didn't know how he was supposed to shower or brush his teeth or nothin' I realized that we got a lot of students and teachers at this place that maybe never had a human body before.

No shame in that. Different way of livin' is all. But, since so many people here are pokemon or robots or ghosts or all sorts of stuff, that maybe didn't have experience bein' a human and knowin' how to do body upkeep or how to wash clothes or nothin', I figured that maybe we should have some sorta club for students and teachers and whatever who got a new human body that they're still figurin' out. I mean, I been a pokemon like... four or five times now... and every time I gotta learn somethin' totally new about how to walk with four legs or how to make trees grow or how to fly or shoot water from my back or all sorts of stuff. I mean, I had to learn how to shave on my own when I was 12, and that was a mess. Why not help each other out?

I ain't sayin' that I know everything about havin' a human body or how to wash clothes or whatever, but I think I'm pretty good at a lot of it. I asked the Hands if I could have a sorta "Your new human body and you" club that could meet sometimes to talk about human body stuff and practice doin' human things that maybe you ain't had practice doin' like washin' clothes or shavin' or other stuff. Meets every couple of weeks I was thinkin'.

And anybody who's regularly not a human but who's learned lots about havin' a human body can come and help out, too. Heck, you'd probably be more helpful than me for some stuff. And maybe I could get a lady to help handle any, uh, girl-related issues. You probably don't want me talkin' about tampons and times of the month.

Anyway, if you're interested, just tell me. I was thinkin' maybe we could have our first meeting in a couple of weeks, just to give people time to think about it and all. Maybe do some meetings over the summer. Just 'cause the rest of the world's goin' crazy don't mean we gotta act like we can't learn from each other.

[An emotionally charged but determined angel stands in front of the screen. It's focused on his upper body; his fists are balled and he looks earnest about whatever he wants to tell everyone.]

Students and staff alike! I know it's been kind of a drag lately for reasons I'm not gonna go into, but we can't let that get us down! We're Smash Academy students, aren't we? Plenty of us have done wonders before! We've kicked space alien butt, cooked up Eggman's schemes for dinner, squashed baddies fifteen times our size, saved kingdoms from evil overlords, rescued princesses from the clutches of countless kidnappers... I could go on! Seriously, I could. We're heroes, remember?

But, I know... some of us don't feel so safe alone. [He lowers the tension in his hands and lets them fall to his sides.] Some of us don't feel like we're good at protecting ourselves yet. I get that. And that's why I'm here.

[He jabs a thumb at his chest.] I'm offering myself as a personal bodyguard! Need someone to walk to class with you? I'll send you an angel! Don't feel safe walking around the city when you go out on a personal errand? I'll tag along and make sure you're safe! I'm an awesome fighter with tons of cred. No one will lay a finger on you when I'm by your side. Guar-an-teed.

[He pauses, like he's afraid he's going to forget something. Then a lightbulb goes off.] Oh, right! If you need to contact me, you can knock on BE-08. Buuut you could also shoot me an e-mail. That's more reliable. And I just got a cell phone! Here's my number! [He shoves a shred of paper ripped off a notebook with his number scrawled on it.] I don't take texts, so you're gonna have to ring me up old school style.

[After a few more moments, he removed the scrap of paper to reveal that he is smiling.] I wanna look out for you! Let me know when and where I can be there.

[ Hide. Lay low. But first, your guns. All of them.

Vivian's interrogation went smoothly. That is to say, she was perfectly honest about the events that had transpired. Whether she was believed or not that the situation was one of self-defense was beyond her. It didn't matter. She told the truth and that was all she was required to do. Her story never changed. Every question, remixed or otherwise, was met with the same answer. If she was lying, she was very good at it, but she wasn't. She protected the people she was with. She shot the threat like she was supposed to.

But Vivian was sent back to the school, stripped of her arsenal. It came with a bit of a fight, but all he weapons had been confiscated. Walking around wasn't scary for her without them, but the possibility of what had happened before happening again was the bit she couldn't ignore. She'd have to figure something out now.

What she did decide to do was leave her room with less sneaking. She had to check on the halls, first of all, but she also needed to eat. Unsure if she could come out, Vivian is on her way to Ishimaru's room, deciding to go and ask him herself.

Do you bother this barefoot "murderer" on her way there? ]

[[ooc: Forgot to add that Vivian is checking on the school halls right now before heading to the dorms.]]

A casual Monday outing turned tragic when two men were brutally gunned down in front of Malo's Gun and Ammunition mart. The victims; Kaplan Stridehr and Marple Dethrris were found dead with a single Aperture-Brand Resolution Pellet to the head. A third victim, Hendorff Ditherrs, was found at the scene asphyxiated to death. All three of the victims regularly donated community service hours to the FLUDD orphanage and were cherished by their grieving families.

The murder suspects, Kiyotaka Ishimaru, Vivan Johnson, and Rick Johnson, all attend Smash Academy and have been interrogated at least once by the FDCPD. Rick has been hospitalized for the time being with life-threatening injuries, though his condition is stable. He will be questioned when he regains consciousness. It's unclear if his injuries were inflicted in self-defense, or by the other two Smash Academy students in the middle of the attack.

The Smash Academy students claim they were the ones who acted in self defense, but FDCPD has not reached a clear verdict yet to a very messy and terrible situation.

"It's not completely clear this was in self defense." says the police chief. "If you're not looking to kill, you don't put a bullet in someone's head."

Several eye witnesses to the attack also claim the smaller student, Vivian, was the one who open fired and murdered the victims, unprovoked. All three are on juvenile preemptive probation until further investigations are finished. It should be worth noting, again, these were non-human students of Smash Academy, a fighting school that accepts many different kinds of unnatural, humanoid creatures. They could still be considered dangerous despite the probation. Aperture Science is also being questioned for product deficiency, but has not returned any of our calls.

[Lakitu, an unnatural, humanoid turtle man, shuffles the papers on his desk and prepares for the next, possibly vaguely related news story.]

An abandoned church on the east side of the city was mysteriously engulfed in flames last night. Fire accelerants were noted in the area, suggesting that this was no accident. It's uncertain if this incident is related to the gun attack, but non-human terrorists are suspected given the target. If you have any important clues or tips to report, please call the FDCPD immediately.

It's truly terrible this historic building has been reduced to tinder and ashes. Residents are outraged and are calling for Martial law. Mayor Tabuu is taking this into consideration with rising rates of violence and crime, but states he is not likely to come to a decision or see any action result for a least a month, especially given the complicated nature of FDC. Martial law would necessitate the need for an outsourced, contracted military, and the Mayor wants to ensure he has the best for the job.

---

[video]

[Seth appears on video, close up and fiddling with the camera before settling in his seat, a grim expression on his face.]

In case you weren't aware about a certain fiasco that happened between Mary and Vianca a while ago, a new development has recently come to my attention, and I for one am ashamed. Shame on you!

Honestly, she's just a child and didn't know any better. That's no reason for anyone to go antagonize and bully her! I want to think better of our student body.

You're all so quick to turn a blind eye when that murderous swordsman returned to campus. You hardly bat an eyelash at knowing there's at least three new and different murder suspects residing right here! Have any of you even seen the news lately? They're right here, living amongst you all--murderers as your very neighbors. But the moment a naive little girl does something she didn't even know was wrong you ostracize her unfairly. I don't want to name names but you know who you are.

Everyone's double standards here are truly unsettling. You should all think on your sins.

[Ahem. He clears his throat and adjusts his collar, as if to clear out all that ~undignified emotional outpouring~]

Anyway, I apologize if any of that came across as harsh or blunt, and Mary's poor name shouldn't be dragged through the mud any longer. Mary has all my condolences, I wish her the best and above all that this doesn't happen again. That was a while ago anyway--old news. She should know better by now.

I'll see to it personally.

[The louder of Smash's two hall monitors sure is looking feminine today... Looks like the effects of the springs still haven't worn off. But at least he realized he could cut his hair back to its usual shortness and still fall into proper dress code!

Someone doesn't realize that nobody actually gives a shit about the dress code.

Someone also doesn't realize that curses like this tend not to last much more than a week because Halloween didn't happen. And so...]

It is my understanding that several people, myself included, went through some changes during the school trip. Although they may be shocking and even upsetting...

[He's pretty traumatized about it, anyway. JUST KEEP A LEVEL HEAD...]

...we can overcome them! After all, they are doing nothing to prevent us to continue on with our lives! Everyone, let's keep on striving towards success! It is nearly the end of the school year here, but that doesn't mean you can be lazy! In fact, it means the opposite!! Give the final stretch everything you've got!

I propose that we form a study group for the finals! Isn't that a great idea? Anyone who is interested should meet in the library at 6:30 PM on Tuesdays and Thursdays! Is this acceptable?

[Ha ha, yeah right...]

[ Just a small text this time, but everyone in the academy better listen up. It's serious. Absolutely serious. ]

A former staff member of the academy, Miss GLaDOS, was found dead in Ferrothorn Park on Saturday, March 9th, at 1:13 AM. Signs of decay are imminent, suggesting that she has been there for some time. Her body has since been removed from the property and has been sent for autopsy.

There will be no further details given.

[ That's it. He's not about to drag any personal feelings into this, no matter how much it makes his gut wretch. ]

I'm disheartened. You would think that academics such as yourselves would understand that Valentine's Day is a complete and utter waste of time. If you bring useless scraps of paper or one of those garish, excessive boxes of candy into my class, they're going right in the wastebin. Fair warning.

Pay more attention to the important things. Things are more tense than ever in the city. I had to pull a man off of a beastkind just the other day on a simple market run. This isn't going to simply dissolve into a nonissue. Keep your gaze pointed forwards, not towards the sky to look at the clouds. Honestly.

[Or maybe he's just grumpy about Valentine's Day because it's also his twenty second birthday. But that's none of your business.]

[Student orientation was short and sparse that day, the event most likely overlooked by the majority of Academy residents. Still, Pulse didn't mind. He never did like crowds.]

( Pulse is pretty good at talking himself out of being nervous. However, his thoughts can be a little wordy. )

[TL;DR There's this funny-looking kid in a red spiky helmet walking around. Who is this guy? He looks a little lost. Maybe you oughta try talking to him.]

Hoooooooo!



Dearest Smash Academy babes, Michel would like to remind all of you once again that this school is a place of love and sharing! As stipulated in the Bro Code; Respect others as much as you respect yourself! If you need help with your work, Michel will help you! After all, even his good looks should be shared, he'd even be willing to help you look as handsome as he does!

[No Eikichi, the world does not need that thank you very much.]

Now! As you all know, this February 14th is Valentine's day. [He dramatically sighs.] Ahh yes...the time where you can freely proclaim your love in the open! To shower your other with affection and goods! Personally, Michel thinks that there should not be a single day, but that every day should be cause for celebration. [It's also his friend's Jun's birthday. He kinda wish he was here too..]

However, since there IS one, perhaps we should all follow Ms. Flurrie's wonderful idea!

Come on Smash Academy, Michel knows you can do it! ♫♥