Hello!

[It's library robot! He's in his chassis today, seated in front of the video feed, looking about as cheerful as a giant eyeball can look.]

Got a--got a small favor to ask, a, uh, a request, as it were. If anyone is interested in. Fulfilling a request. I've got this chassis, see? Very useful, very--very nice for walking around, doing things that involve hands without having to be a squishy human. Quite enjoy having it, like it even better when it's functional.

[With that, he sets a metal leg on the desk with a resounding thunk. It's intact, but it's an entire leg. The giant eyeball looks slightly less cheerful.]

Had it torn off, you see. Red Coach did it, if anyone--anyone was wondering. D'you hear that, Red Coach? Now everyone knows you trashed the library and tore off my leg and beat me with it, you psychopath. And now I'm getting it fixed, so there.

[Cough.]

Point is, if any of you have some kind of--kind of experience with robotics, you know, fancy fixing a leg, I would. I'd appreciate it. Sort of difficult, hobbling about everywhere. You know--you know how it is.

[Lo! Somewhere in the library is some student of Smash Academy at the public computers, making a post to the network and probably asking about homecoming dance or something. Somewhere in the library off screen there is a barking voice, obviously annoyed and sounds suspiciously like Captain Falcon.]

Keep it down with your stupid video diary, I'm trying to think!

[S-Sorry, coach! The kid says, then goes on to timidly explain that it's not a video diary, but a post to the school's network! The kid looks back at the recording video apologetically while "coach" can be heard muttering off-screen.]

Network? For the school? So everyone can see what you're doing right now?

[...Yeah? This appears to have sealed the nameless student's fate, and suddenly there is the torso of a man in bright red spandex with ridiculous thighs behind him. The kid is grabbed by the scruff of his shirt collar and violently thrown clear across the room into a bookshelf. The shelf teeters backwards then falls into the next shelf behind it, and then the one behind it, and it's a magnificent domino effect to which does not seem to concern him. If anything he seems proud of the fact there are now books are everywhere and the kid probably has a word concussion. Red spandex coach-sound-alike sits down in front of the computer. He is also a coach-look-alike! Only EVIL LOOKING. It's probably skull on his helmet and the spikes on his shoulder pauldron. Or maybe Falcon is going through some midlife crisis and felt like a wardrobe change and got lost in a Hot Topic. Or it's some crazy clone.]

Hi. [Either way, this coach also has fangs, which are easily seen the moment he starts speaking.]

I know you're here. I saw the your shitmobile in the parking lot. Or, you know, was in the parking lot. [He grins. It's an awful fang-filled kind of grin. WHAT DID HE DO... HE DID SOMETHING BAD.] And the big floating hand said so. I'm going to find you eventually, so why don't you make this easy and come out of hiding. I'm not going anywhere until then!

[Hello friends, please enjoy this cheerful British voice. Wheatley sounds especially cheerful today. What could he possibly be so happy about?]

So! I'm pretty sure Rick is--Rick is dead, which is great news, if you knew him. Went down to the bunkers, last I heard, didn't come back. Probably a good indication that he is--that he is, in fact, dead.

[Oh.]

It's all right, it's all right, go ahead, breathe that sigh of relief, no one's--no one's going to judge you, trust me, we all felt the same way about that tosser.

But, uh, if you were friends with him, for some ungodly reason that I can't possibly fathom, I'm, ah. Sorry for your loss. If you didn't know him, well, let's just say you're better off. Good riddance to bad rubbish, if you ask me.

[When the video comes on, Ema looks rather... intense, glasses pulled down, staring at the camera seriously.]

I'm here to talk to you guys about something very serious: science club!

I haven't been able to find out about one already established, but if it exists, I don't want to step on any toes, so you guys should contact me! But if there's not one, I'm here to make one!

[And now she looks less intense and more cocky.]

I've talked to a lot of people at this school who love science, like me! There's got to be enough of us to start a club. Any kind of science is welcome! Chemistry, physics, astrology... [Astrology isn't a science, Ema.]

If you're interested in science, you should join! I'm working on finding us a club room, and I've been looking on the internet for experiments and stuff we can do! It'll be fun! First meeting Friday at four PM. See you there!

[She starts to turn off the video, and then something important occurs to her.]

Oh right, I'm Ema Skye, scientific investigator! Nice to meet you!

[And now she turns the video off.]

[ Vivian had seen the mark on the calendar. 'Mother's Day.' What did it celebrate? Was it a day they made mothers? Who knew! She didn't. But after some research and thinking she understood what a mother was through some 1999 angelfire gif-riddled sites with bad poetry and midi music, Vivian was sure she got the idea.

SO VIDEO. ]

Happy Mother's Day to everyone. [ okay close enough] A mother sounds special. I hope they are all happy today.

I care for my mother very much too. [??????? Well she hopes she got the right idea but ]

Happy Mother's Day, Taka!!

Uhm, when is Father's Day? [ and then she leans in and whispers ] I want to give the Doctor something special.

[HOW DO CHRISTMAS??? Robot doesn't know. This is what happens.]

Cammy: A blank library catalogue card with a crude marker drawing of his eye-face and a smiley face with a braid and a hat. That's the best he can do.
Vianca: Most of the blank catalogue cards that Wheatley stole over the course of the year. You get them back. One of them has a crude marker drawing of his eye-face and a not so smiley face with a flower. Hooray.
Ishimaru: No less than 15 phone calls spread across the entire duration of your illness.
Rick: ETERNAL FURY
Vivian: ETERNAL APPREHENSION
Everyone else: YOU GET NOTHING AND LIKE IT

[Ah yes, it is that chipper British voice again. This time, however, he sounds a little hush-hush, like he's got a Very Important Secret. The video feed is a survey of the library as seen by something on the ceiling, and the camera is moving quickly, the lines of shelves almost a blur.]

So! Got a question for--for all of you, maybe someone will know what I'm talking about. The bunkers, yeah?

[What bunkers, Wheatley?]

The ones underneath the--underneath the school, it's all right if you don't know about them, I wouldn't imagine everyone does, but, ah. Now everyone does! There are bunkers underneath the school, if you--if you missed the memo. Lots of hallways. Corridors, as it were.

[At that, his voice lowers, an obvious attempt to sound incredibly serious.]

I am--I am in need of someone to. Take me. Down there. Into the bunkers. Got to check a few things out, find some things, you understand. So, yes, in need of someone, preferably with arms and legs, who will escort me there, help me have a look about and, finally, bring me back. Up here. To the school. Where you will not ask questions. Actually, just--the ideal candidate won't ask questions for...the entire duration of our little field trip.

So those are--those are the terms.

[Cough.]

I can pay you handsomely in...uh, catalog cards. We've got--we've got lots of those. Here, in the library. Catalog cards. Call numbers. Dewey...decimals...

[ We open with a little girl who looks less than pleased with whatever she's prepared to say, but still manages to maintain her eerie smile for PR sake. (Maybe.)

You might remember her from such films as, "Oh Shit, That Little Girl is Shooting Everyone," "The Other Robot Child of That Noisy Hall Monitor Guy. What an Annoying Dude," and "The Other Robot Child of That Noisy Hall Monitor Guy Part 2: Not Anymore, Because Dr. Robotnik Adopted Her." awful, but i'd watch every single one on netflix

As soon as she has awareness that she's being recorded, she wastes no time to speak. ]

Hello.

[ A cooler, more soothing voice than before, however through it was undeniable proof she was still a child. It remained small and polite, touched by the potential to mature but still not quite in its reach. ]

I'm Vivian. I'm your new hall monitor. [ uh. ] Please have your passes ready if we meet or I'll take you to the office.

[ And with that out of the way...

She holds up a picture. ]

I'm looking for these two nitwits. [ Courtesy of Eggman. Thanks. ] If you have seen them, please contact me.

[ She smiles sweetly. It's almost nostalgic. ]

Thank you.

[GUESS WHO'S BEEN OUT OF THE HOSPITAL FOR A WHILE. He's returned to Smash Academy (some how) as a robot eye ball once again. Maybe you've seen him hanging around the management rails that run the ceilings, maybe you enjoy perpetuating a running gag of not knowing he's actually a robot. Who knows. Either way, a little near-death experience this isn't going to stop Rick from living FULL LIFE CONSEQUENCES a life of adventures and ladies and explosions.]

I don't want to alert you, but looks like we got ourselves a situation comin' up this Friday.

A prom situation.

Now I know what you're thinkin', "Rick, what's a beautiful, lonely adventure-starved woman like myself supposed to do?" Can't go alone, too dangerous. Too tragic.

So tell you what, you just line your pretty selves up right here in this post, and let me take you out to prom. I know it sounds daunting, but I can handle it. I am an expert in escortese and datery. I can even do two or three at a time. On fire.

You don't have to go one more lonely night. It'll be the best time of your life.

A casual Monday outing turned tragic when two men were brutally gunned down in front of Malo's Gun and Ammunition mart. The victims; Kaplan Stridehr and Marple Dethrris were found dead with a single Aperture-Brand Resolution Pellet to the head. A third victim, Hendorff Ditherrs, was found at the scene asphyxiated to death. All three of the victims regularly donated community service hours to the FLUDD orphanage and were cherished by their grieving families.

The murder suspects, Kiyotaka Ishimaru, Vivan Johnson, and Rick Johnson, all attend Smash Academy and have been interrogated at least once by the FDCPD. Rick has been hospitalized for the time being with life-threatening injuries, though his condition is stable. He will be questioned when he regains consciousness. It's unclear if his injuries were inflicted in self-defense, or by the other two Smash Academy students in the middle of the attack.

The Smash Academy students claim they were the ones who acted in self defense, but FDCPD has not reached a clear verdict yet to a very messy and terrible situation.

"It's not completely clear this was in self defense." says the police chief. "If you're not looking to kill, you don't put a bullet in someone's head."

Several eye witnesses to the attack also claim the smaller student, Vivian, was the one who open fired and murdered the victims, unprovoked. All three are on juvenile preemptive probation until further investigations are finished. It should be worth noting, again, these were non-human students of Smash Academy, a fighting school that accepts many different kinds of unnatural, humanoid creatures. They could still be considered dangerous despite the probation. Aperture Science is also being questioned for product deficiency, but has not returned any of our calls.

[Lakitu, an unnatural, humanoid turtle man, shuffles the papers on his desk and prepares for the next, possibly vaguely related news story.]

An abandoned church on the east side of the city was mysteriously engulfed in flames last night. Fire accelerants were noted in the area, suggesting that this was no accident. It's uncertain if this incident is related to the gun attack, but non-human terrorists are suspected given the target. If you have any important clues or tips to report, please call the FDCPD immediately.

It's truly terrible this historic building has been reduced to tinder and ashes. Residents are outraged and are calling for Martial law. Mayor Tabuu is taking this into consideration with rising rates of violence and crime, but states he is not likely to come to a decision or see any action result for a least a month, especially given the complicated nature of FDC. Martial law would necessitate the need for an outsourced, contracted military, and the Mayor wants to ensure he has the best for the job.

---

[video]

[Seth appears on video, close up and fiddling with the camera before settling in his seat, a grim expression on his face.]

In case you weren't aware about a certain fiasco that happened between Mary and Vianca a while ago, a new development has recently come to my attention, and I for one am ashamed. Shame on you!

Honestly, she's just a child and didn't know any better. That's no reason for anyone to go antagonize and bully her! I want to think better of our student body.

You're all so quick to turn a blind eye when that murderous swordsman returned to campus. You hardly bat an eyelash at knowing there's at least three new and different murder suspects residing right here! Have any of you even seen the news lately? They're right here, living amongst you all--murderers as your very neighbors. But the moment a naive little girl does something she didn't even know was wrong you ostracize her unfairly. I don't want to name names but you know who you are.

Everyone's double standards here are truly unsettling. You should all think on your sins.

[Ahem. He clears his throat and adjusts his collar, as if to clear out all that ~undignified emotional outpouring~]

Anyway, I apologize if any of that came across as harsh or blunt, and Mary's poor name shouldn't be dragged through the mud any longer. Mary has all my condolences, I wish her the best and above all that this doesn't happen again. That was a while ago anyway--old news. She should know better by now.

I'll see to it personally.

[SOMEONE sounds exceedingly pleased today. The video feed is the familiar ceiling vantage point, and whoever (or whatever) is holding the camera (or are they) gives a speedy birds-eye view of the library as they zip down the aisles, making little whirring noises the whole way.

SOMEONE is a robot again.]

In the event anyone was wondering--I am back. All back. Back to normal. Worst three months of my life, give or take, but had it taken care of! Got it sorted. Library operations will proceed as usual, sorry for the--if there was any inconvenience. It was--it was certainly inconvenient. For me.

[The feed does what can only be described as a loop-de-loop as the lens rolls in a complete circle, providing a somewhat disorienting view for a brief moment before the camera rights itself.]

So Rick, if you're--if you're listening--I know the secret. You thought I wouldn't figure it out, but I did.

One-hundred-percent me again, all ro--

[Whatever word he is trying to say is cut off by what sounds like a very large horn just outside the library. The camera blurs as whoever is holding it jerks to the side to get a better look at the offending vehicle.]

Oh, would you look at that, a--is that supposed to be in the parking lot?

[Viewers are granted a split-second glance out the library window to what looks like some combination of Crazy Hand and a monster truck. The feed cuts.]

[ Vivian seems to be sitting in her cozy neck of the cold dungeon, from whence GLaDOS seemed to be absent for quite some time now. She did as she was assigned and kept to supervising the halls but whenever she would come home, nothing had changed from the one day she did where everything had.

That first day had been spent padding her bare feet around the area, looking under, around, and over everything for Ms. GLaDOS and her related belongings but she never found her.

'Hello?'

Only her echo would ever reply. Every day when she came home, she would only be greeted by the sound of her own voice. And then she'd sleep until she had to do it all over again. Shoes untied, socks inside out sometimes.

Today she decided to speak to the network, figuring she might have fallen over and maybe missed something Ms. GLaDOS had said to her about relocating. It happened sometimes. ]

Hello.

Ms. GLaDOS? Are you still there?

[ When the video feed flickers to life, it's about what you'd expect. Some new person here at the academy is making it a point to stare into the depths of your soul before proper introductions are to be had. Because yes, staring. Yes, this is good. This is exactly what needed to be done.

You could opt to stare into an empty gaze and a simple smile, or perhaps just lean away from the screen once you notice the extra hole neatly hollowed out into her chest, a vertical array of stitches cutting right down the center of if from throat to breast. Embedded was what looked like a red orb of glass with a black knick at the center of it.

Now that a kind of figurative eye contact had been established, she parted her lips to speak.

Waaaait for it. They're opening. They're open. ... Okay, give her another second.

OKAY. She has this. ]

Hello, Academy.

I will guard your halls.

[ As if that wasn't odd enough, maybe the restrained giggle and rise of an automatic pistol into the camera's sights would do her justice. ]

;;

[ As for action, Vivian will be doing just as she said she would. She's roaming the halls of the main building, her pistol in hand and skipping around in a fluttering white dress, the top potion of it mostly bandages that could stand to cover more of her up. She looks rather content to be able to move around, though on occasion she will stop and just stare around a corner and down a hall.

Creepy. ]

[Well, hi there, network! Look who it is! It is Chell, everyone's favorite mute.]

Yes. Hello.

[Oh, she's…not mute. That's

weird.

Chell's voice (SURPRISE SHE HAS A VOICE) is hoarse and kind of quiet from apparent lack of use. Also…British? She's British? Well, okay. Weirder things have happened. Possibly.

This is also the most expressive she's ever been, probably, in that she looks frazzled and all kinds of disheveled and absolutely terrified as she leans in uncomfortably close to the camera. Her movements are stilted and jerky, as if she doesn't quite know what to do with herself.]

Surprise, right? Can in fact, speak. Guess that means I'm just a big faker, doesn't it? Sorry.

Point is--desperate times. I need to locate [MY BODY] the library assistant. You've all seen him, sort of spherical. Little robot bloke with a big blue eye is what--is what he is. So. If someone could direct me to him, it would be very much appreciated. I can't find him.

[p a u s e]

And it is urgent, thanks.

((OOC: replies are comin from seriousbraindamage. If you feel like actioning it up with a robot in a lady's body, he's over in the Halloweems log here.))

[It's been a few days since GLaDOS showed her face around the school. It wasn't, however, because she was afraid of retaliation, because she wasn't. No, it was because she was far too embarrassed at her loss. However, when all was said and done she had to show up again some how....once her pride was ready for it, of course.

I guess it was ready for it today.]

Well, I'm back. Sorry it took so long, I was busy pulling myself back together again and picking out leftover pieces of shrapnel from my chassis. So yes, thanks for that.

[Sarcasm mode is active, as always.]

At any rate, I suppose congratulations are in order. You all preformed admirably while solving my tests, so go pat yourselves on the back or whatever it is you all do.

[There's a brief pause as she...visibly hesitates, something that she's never done before.]

...also...

[A sigh...she can't believe she's about to say this fucking Caroline...]

I'm...sor-

[...]

Sorr...

[...it genuinely looks like she's having a hard time saying it, not just faking it either. Finally, after about a minute, she says it.]

Sorry. There, I said it. Don't expect me to say it again.

[The recording that flickers on and off before any actual content is familiar--the moving camera seems mounted on the ceiling and zips along at a brisk pace, providing snippets of--

Well that's not the testing track. You're given a few quick glimpses of what appears to be poorly-lit maintenance areas before the feed cuts and a MYSTERIOUS NO-NETWORK ID TEXT APPEARS??]

don't panic

i know what this is i've dealt with this before it's very important that you listen to me and don't panic

i can get you out

just stay calm and keep testing and don't do anything to make her angry

describe your surroundings and i'll find you

watch the panels

[OOC: Wheatley has been HIDING in the bowels of Smashperture since the renovations went live, and now that the school is on lockdown he IS RESCUING PEOPLE HOW CAN THIS BE. He'll definitely respond with his mysterious text here--if you want him to bust into your test chamber at some point, just drop me a line. It can happen here, in the log, whatever works for you guys. LET'S ESCAPING.]

[So it's been a few days and the rain simply has not let up. Stairwells look more like waterfalls, The lake has swollen so much that it's started encroaching in on the parking lot and beyond, and the school's drainage pipes are near their bursting point. Some, unfortunately, already have reached that point. Ew.

Miraculously, the school's electricity and subsequently the network is still working... barely. Rick's video feed opens up with some static, the imaging going on and off, a blurr of a bird's eye view of some of the hallways... or more accurately, a core's eye view. His voice even sounds a little more garbled than usual, background sounds of perpetual rain and water gushing every which where aside...]

Man, that is lookin' dangerous. [The video feed blips in and out and seems to settle in the school's boiler room. It's flooded pretty badly, and of course Raiden is up to this torso in it, desperately trying to fix bursting pipes.]

Like this guy, what he's doin' looks pretty dangerous.

[OH... CRAP IS THAT WHEATLEY? Raiden looks surprised--wait, this looks like the green one.] Hey... shouldn't you be som--[Raiden is suddenly and none too gloriously spit in the face by pipe, complete with GGBLGBGBGLLBGGG sputtering sounds.]

For all we know those could be eel infested waters. Electric eel shark hybrids! On steroids.

What?! You're lying. There's nothing down here. [WAS THAT A SHADOW... he honestly wouldn't put it past this school...] Why don't you actually be some help and turn on a light or something?

Can do, but don't say I didn't warn you--they're attracted to the light. Probably. [Behold, Rick has a flashlight. It unfortunately only helps illuminate a small area in front of Raiden. Another pipe bursts behind the soaked blonde and he finally throws his hands up in the air, making a big, frustrated splash. It looks like he's been at this for hours, to no avail.]

That's it! Hey, if you're broadcasting to the network...?

[He sloshes up to Rick, peering up into his big green robot eyeball.] Someone send an actual plumber down here! I'm not qualified for this! This is too much.


[[LMAO EDIT: For all intents and purposes, Rick will effectively be acting as a telephone for Raiden, and only able to translate replies into audio.]]

[Quick little video post -- Lyra, with Giant Blue Gatorbeast Emperor Rui the Almighty Crusher hovering over her shoulder.]

Hey, guys! I've got my team set up for some training. If any other Pokemon wanna get some practice in, or I dunno, if you're somebody who wants to learn about what being a Pokemon trainer's like, then c'mon over! We're in the stadium, okay?

[VIDEO POST DONE. ACTION TIME IS NOW. So, yes, if you're stopping by the stadium, Lyra is there with her pogles, a whistle, a pile of frisbees, and a whole lot of just-in-case Potions. Feel free to hit her up for conversations, no-pressure spars, or stupid things like obstacle courses and clay pigeon-shooting.]

[HELLO, network! What you see today appears to be a live video feed of the library, from the perspective of someone or something scooting along at a brisk pace...on the ceiling. The feed darts back and forth anxiously, as if whoever's holding the camera can't decide where to focus.]

Hello? Helloooooo? Is it working? Are we on?

[Yes. We're on. Good job, cheerful British voice.]

We're on! Brilliant. [Please hold for some "throat" clearing. This is a very official announcement, after all.] Greetings, hello, welcome...to the library.

Let me just--just give you the run-down, here, straight from your newly-appointed librarian. See all these books? Amazing, innit? Never seen so many books in my life. And guess what? You can borrow them! I know. Keep them for as long as you like, even, well--maybe not as long as you like, they've got...due dates. I'm told there are fines involved, so just keep that in mind. But still! Books! Could spend all day in here, really, if you wanted. Thinking of doing that myself, actually.

[The feed swings around a corner and starts zipping down a long line of shelves. For a split second, it twitches--and are those sparks?] Not that I've...really got a choice. Rails, and all.

But if you do feel like paying a visit, I am here to assist! Can't actually...help you take out the books, mind, I'm told there's someone else who handles that. Can however, help you find them. If you're interested.

[And the feed stops, very slowly panning from the bottom of a shelf...aaaaaaaall the way to the top.]

Yep.

Pretty exciting, books.