[WHAT'S THIS it's another mysterious post with no network username attached. NINJA MAGIC!??!?? Ninja magic. Astute observers might recognize the voice as belonging to Sheik.]

Don't go into the bunkers alone. I'm sure at least some of you are thinking it.

[Guess who went into the bunkers alone.]

I need someone more mechanically-minded than I to take a look at something.

---
( private to Daisy )

[Not too long after the curious broadcast finally stops playing over the school televisions, the PA crackles to life. It's not the usual voice giving some announcement, but that's odd. Isn't the A/V room supposed to be locked for students?]

A precedent is being set in this school. One of apathy, and derision, and suppression.

The images you saw were designed to devalue one of us, the students, we who are to inherit the earth! It was broadcast from a room locked to all but the teachers who are meant to guide us to greatness!

My peers, now is the time to ask of yourselves: can you truly let the public shaming of another go unaddressed? Are you satisfied with unrepentant criminals as teachers? Is attack by robots, or monsters, or eating cardboard a justifiable punishment for arbitrary rules set by our educators?

You are worthy of so much more than what you are being given! You do not need to wait to be handed respect from your elders, for you are deserving of it as you are! You are strong, and brilliant, and bright, and you should hold your head high!!

If you know this as I do, then join us in front of the school! Let us band together, to take hold of the respect we deserve!

[Then there's some loud fumbling and clicking. Hold on. Hold on he almost has figured out the right button. Dammit--THERE OKAY IT'S OFF]

[The good news was that the small blue sphere in the Big Daddy's hand let him write out his thoughts as text with ease. The bad news was that he didn't have any idea what thoughts a teacher should have.]

Uh, hello. This is Delta. Ain't gonna flap these lips for long, don't worry.

If any students are interested in a marine engineering course, I'll be, ah, running it. Meet in the workshop tomorrow at noon, and be there for about a week. First project is building a suit that can survive underwater. Second is using it. We'll be moving out to the lake after too long. And one thing: I see any bad business, you're going diving without your suit. Don't want a class full of meatballs.

[Discipline, right? Yeah. Kids acting fresh were everyone's problem, and he knew how to solve problems. The Headmaster had specifically instructed Delta that no student was to be harmed, but giving them a quick bath ain't really "harm."]

But it'd be good to know where the workshop is. Could use a hand from a student keen on getting me there.

And I dunno what, ah, office hours are for. Don't much need them. You wanna ask a question, find me. Ain't hard to miss. Big... helmet... guy, that's me.

[The entry ends abruptly as Delta stomps away from the computer, focusing on future curriculum or hidden plasmids or anything other than what the hell he just wrote. Whatever, message delivered successfully.]

[Video: Naoya's permasmile carried a sort of listlessness today - or perhaps boredom. He didn't particularly care who might've bothered to watch this. Pretty much he was ready to call it quits for the rest of the night.]

How grateful I am that familial duty spurs my aunt and uncle to continue e-mailing me birthday wishes. My brother too... Well. I'm quite done with that now.

IT support will be unavailable as I'll be going out for a drink. While I don't expect anyone to join me solely for my sake, if you happen to require a excuse to go out, then perhaps our paths will cross at the bar.

Don't make a mess of the network while I'm out, hm?

[Gordon flicks on the camera, looking generally tired and irritated towards the screen. The scenery behind him reminiscent of Dr. Frankenstein's labs--Or his own, for those who are familiar with it and take his class. In the background, the lights flicker slightly. One of the bulbous silhouettes shift a little--]

Hate to do this, but class tomorrow is canceled due to, ah--

[There's an enormous BZZZAP and a yelp, a white flash, and a crackle of static on the screen. When Gordon returns to the camera, he's in a different location, namely the hallway just OUTSIDE his labs, considerably more ruffled and slightly singed.]

[...was that a cackle audible beyond the wall? No, of course not. Probably just microphone static.]

An uppity Tesla coil. I'd be able to fix it, if the damn thing would stop floating, and no amount of grounding seems to change the fact that it prefers living targets now. If anyone has any insight as to what could be causing it, I'd really... REALLY like to hear it.

[You'd think he'd sound more alarmed at the whole thing, but one gets the impression he was alarmed an hour ago. Now he's just getting pissed off.]

[Ah yes, it is that chipper British voice again. This time, however, he sounds a little hush-hush, like he's got a Very Important Secret. The video feed is a survey of the library as seen by something on the ceiling, and the camera is moving quickly, the lines of shelves almost a blur.]

So! Got a question for--for all of you, maybe someone will know what I'm talking about. The bunkers, yeah?

[What bunkers, Wheatley?]

The ones underneath the--underneath the school, it's all right if you don't know about them, I wouldn't imagine everyone does, but, ah. Now everyone does! There are bunkers underneath the school, if you--if you missed the memo. Lots of hallways. Corridors, as it were.

[At that, his voice lowers, an obvious attempt to sound incredibly serious.]

I am--I am in need of someone to. Take me. Down there. Into the bunkers. Got to check a few things out, find some things, you understand. So, yes, in need of someone, preferably with arms and legs, who will escort me there, help me have a look about and, finally, bring me back. Up here. To the school. Where you will not ask questions. Actually, just--the ideal candidate won't ask questions for...the entire duration of our little field trip.

So those are--those are the terms.

[Cough.]

I can pay you handsomely in...uh, catalog cards. We've got--we've got lots of those. Here, in the library. Catalog cards. Call numbers. Dewey...decimals...

::Two hours after Asahina's initial, joyous voicepost announcing the sea of hovering donuts outside (and inside in some cases) this text message appears.::

I have discovered where my Hovering Donuts DX machine had been knocked over and set into overdrive mode in the Science Labs. It has been turned off after producing, according to its internal counter, 298,102 donuts before I was able to turn it off.

After several days, the majority of the donuts left on campus should become stale enough to ascend into the lower levels of the atmosphere, provided it does not rain between now and then.

I will move the machine to my home in Twoson to prevent an accident like this from happening a third time.

On a lighter note, I am looking to begin another Dungeons and Dragons session. If anyone would like to play, just leave me a message. In fact, I have one player lined up already.

[Private Level 5 to RICK]
I know.

[Were you having a nice, quiet morning, Smash Academy? Well, you're not anymore, because at some ungodly hour only utilized by people who wake up at balls o' clock to work out, a shriek comes over the network.]

EVERYBODY NEEDS TO WAKE UP RIGHT NOW.

IT'S RAINING DONUTS.

[That's it, that's the post.]

[ Hello there, Smash Academy. One young robot boy has been informed of his Master's presence in this lovely institution. One of the Headmasters, so it seems, recently sent him a message on his Coil, telling him that if he would like to find his dear friend, he should come here. He receives a map from him, and goodness, it's almost like looking at his own maps. He even makes a note of some scary dogs in one of the streets for him! How nice!

(It was Crazy Hand. Obviously.)

If Aoba isn't here, that's fine, too. He can just as easily return to Midorijima, after all. Besides, the journey here is surprisingly quick. That strange little door in the Northern District, hidden away from everyone, makes for a swift and interesting venture here. Maybe he'll even hang around for a bit. It sounds like fun, and there are so many cute animals here! How can he resist?

Cute animals aside, though, he knows he's here. He knows.

After all, he did hear his voice.

(Crazy Hand must have fabricated his voice to lure him in, the devil.)

He leaves a video + text message with a very scrupulous drawing attached, posting it up in all of its, um... glory. Who is this man, posting such messy, child-like drawings? He might as well be a twelve-year-old. Not only that, but what is with that mask of his? He is just being a bit shy about his face, but honestly, it might look more creepy and strange than anything else. This is how he is all the time, though. Get used to it.

(He'll fit in just fine.) ]

Hello hello! (｡´∀｀)ﾉ I am looking for Aoba-san. He is a very special person to me, and it is vital that I find him very quickly. (ﾟ◇ﾟ; ) I could not find him at home, so this school's Master directed me here. I still cannot hear his voice, but I am certain that I will hear him soon! Certain!

[ Oh.

Hello, what's this? Something pops up on his screen after he posts, something that welcomes him to the academy as a student. Is this some sort of tradition he's unaware about? Huh! Well, he's enrolled into a school now, looks like! Must... make an edit...! ]

ー( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ! Hello again! I will also be studying here, as per school regulations. Um... I think they are school regulations. Must someone enroll into a school once they've posted to its network? (・ヘ・?) Is this what normally happens?

Aaah... This school is already teaching me very much. I will study very diligently! (๑╹っ╹๑) I am excited already~! I hope we can all be friends!

P.S. However, I still must find Aoba-san. Please remember him! Aoba-san is very important.
P.P.S. If this is a fighting school, is there no way to opt out of fighting? Eeeh, I don't like violence very much... (ノдヽ) I mustn't harm anyone! Please reconsider!

[ He bows his head pathetically, meeting his palms in front of his skull in a pleading manner. It looks kind of silly. ]

That is all for now. Now, let's all introduce ourselves! Come on, now! Happy faces, happy faces! ( 〃∩_∩〃) I am Clear, and I am now a freshman in college! Eeeeh... but what exactly does that mean? To be a freshman? Does it mean that I am fresh and new? (・・。)ゞ I would assume so.

( :ɔ }彡 Goodbye, for now!
(The facemark above is a jellyfish.)

[ They're his favorite. ]

-------------------

[ Alternatively, there's this very same weirdo jumping in front of people out of nowhere. Whether it's from busting through doors or jumping down from high places (even a few impossibly high places that normal people might hurt themselves jumping from), he will approach anyone. Anyone and everyone.

One might swear that this plays over the intercom every single time he bothers someone. Except maybe not. ]

Wah-! Hello. [ He leans in really close, clearly not the best at understanding personal space. ] Have you seen Aoba-san?

[ jesus fucking christ, boy ]

Hi, Network. I know I just posted somethin' the other day, but, bear with me here.

Does anyone know This Robot.

[The camera pans and swivels to show the expressionless - and lifeless - face of Zero. There is also some duct tape visible. He has been partially repaired with duct tape. That is a thing that has happened.]



Thing is, he's kinda broken up and has some programming issues which are the fault of someone we all know gettin' into his head and messin' around where they had no business messin' around. And see, this is what happens when Eggman gets put in charge of ANYTHING by the way, people. Folks get hurt.

Checked at Capcom - not a current student, folks were real vague about whether they knew him or not. I mean really, how many red robots are there in the world? Headmaster wouldn't see me so that was a dead end.

I know there are some reploid types who study here. Any of you know this guy? Anyone know how to get rid of bad code without wrecking what's there that's his and his alone? I'd like for him to get his life back and get fixed. He deserves that much.

Anyone wanna help me out, here?

With the death of one of your former teachers, I'll be taking over for the computer programming course, as well as filling in for any IT difficulties that may arise in the absence of any proper technician employed at this place. Considering the level of technology available here, this seems to be a rather disasterous oversight, hm?

My name's Naoya. I don't intend to teach a novice class, nor will I be hand-holding you through the course. So, here's a simple test: I've put a rudimentary filter on this network post with the class schedule underneath. Anyone who'd like to enroll should, at the very least, be able to crack it. Remember, you won't gain anything by relying on others for the answer. Don't disappoint me.

( Hacking level: moderately easy )

One more thing... I'm curious. Rumour has it the this wave of nonhuman sentiment originally started at the school. I've read up on the recent news, but it'd be more useful to get a first hand perspective of events.

Hang on, there's gotta be--oh there it goes!

[The feed blinks on and shows a teenage girl with short purple-brownish hair. Or is it brownish-purple? Her small frame is barely discernible under the baggy clothes, steampunk-zepplin helmet and HUGE glasses. We're talking really big here. See-through-walls big.]

Hello, Smash Academy! My name is Lucca Ashtear, inventor and robotologist extraordinaire! I'm a new student here! I couldn't pass up the chance to garner new insights on the science and technology of other worlds!

It... looks like you're in the middle of a winter festival of some sort, judging by the decorated trees and fake snow everywhere. Well, I couldn't pick a better time to show up... oh!

[She consults a paper with a rustle and a quick downward glance.] By the way, uhm, Ondrea? I'm your new roommate! [She scratches the back of her head, jostling the helmet slightly.] I'd like to get to know you before I just, you know... wander in and start moving furniture around. That'd be a little awkward.

Again, very little because he has no CR anymore and I've been a butt about playing him. :| Where's Orange Kid when you really need him? HAYVEL COME BACK TO ME.

( Knuckles, Cilan, SECRET SANTEE Bulba )

::Sitting at a table outside the dorms is a man. The manliest man. He has biceps on his biceps, and also a giant leather apron. And a long-sleeved shirt that looks like it might go at any moment. He also has a table. And at this table is a fine collection of things made out of metal. Mostly things made out of iron or steel. Things such as shovels, knives, nails (there are a lot of nails), horseshoes, spoons, rings (mostly iron but a few in what looks like silver), a couple of regular-sized swords, a couple of shields, a sword that Max clearly made with himself in mind (or possibly Cloud Strife, you pick), and a pair of gardening shears. The swords and shields look sort of... fantasy-ish, mostly because that's the type of place that Max learned how to do these sorts of things and while Max isn't much of an artist, the rings and shield all have nice enamel work at the very least.::

::There is a sign on the table, handwritten (in a rather inelegant hand, dear reader) that reads thus::

Max's Quality Handmade Ironwork
Last minute Christmas gifts
Or maybe birthdays or whatever you want
Custom orders available
Fair prices
You know its good cause I made it and I don't make crap
Vinnie helped some, too

::Several minutes later, seeing him doing this, a short, fat, smelly teenager with a penchant for overalls and foodstuffs waddles by with a table, and then a box, and then a sign of his own. On the table are an assortment of almost indescribable little doodads. They look like things that were once broken and then reassembled in the dark.::

::The sign next to this table (written, if possible, in a yet more inelegant hand, dearest of dear readers) thus::

Apple Kid - Invention Sale and Robot/Machinery Repair
Repairs Done While You Wait
Come Discover The Wonder of SCIENCE.

((OH HAI. THIS IS ME TRYING TO COME OFF OF MY SPIDER-RELATED HIATUS. MY INTERNET HOURS ARE A BIT CURTAILED THIS WEEK BUT GOSH AND GOLLY IF I AM NOT GOING TO TRY MY VERY BEST TO BE ACTIVE. I HAVE A SMALL HOLE IN MY NECK BUT I AM ON THE MEND. SO, IF YOU WANT TO EITHER BUY SOMETHING FROM MAX OR APPLE KID OR JUST CHAT WITH ONE OR THE OTHER OF THEM, TELL ME WHO YOU'RE TALKING UP IN YOUR POST AND WE CAN HAVE AN ENJOY TIME WITH MERCHANDISE.))

[The first thing the video shows, is a chest-to-knees view of a pacing body in a white labcoat, flipping some sort of object in his hands as he does. He stops, and that's when the object comes into view.]

[It's a... red-handled crowbar? It's quickly hung on a belt loop and the owner settles into the chair, a brown-haired man with a beard and thick black-rimmed glasses. He fidgets awkwardly for a moment and finally--]

...Evening. M' name is Doctor Gordon Freeman. I'm now the new physics instructor here at Smash Academy. Should you need to contact me for scheduling or anything else, you can do it by this number or you can see me in my... ugh, office. I'll be there or in the library all day.

[Action]

[True to his word, the first thing he does after shoving the old textbooks out of that broom closet they call an office he heads for the library... he's got some research to do. Places to go, portals to build.]

[Man, Kyle has been here less than three days and already he has seen a lot of strange goings-on. Naked pictures on the security cameras? Flyers for missing pets all over the place? Why would somebody... Nah, none of this stuff is his problem.]

The name's Kyle Hyde. I just got hired here. I'll be covering for the teachers when they can't make it to class and taking care of detention.

So, did I drop in on some redecorating, or what? Looks like a nice enough place otherwise.

[Two seconds into using this computer thing and she already doesn't like it. Being separated from people by a thin screen? That's just like being home all over again. She frowns a bit into the camera for about half a minute.]

...Hello...

Is this really how people talk to each other here? Wouldn't you rather be with someone? It just seems weird...

[Then she smiles a bit, because that's what people are supposed to do. Or something like that.]

I'm Mary.

[GOOD INTRO, GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION. She's such a pro at making friends.]

[ACTION; BACKDATED TO EARLIER IN THE WEEK; sometime very early in the morning, surely as you, the diligent student are well-rested from a night of intense studying, or you, the hardworking teacher, are well-prepared for the last week of school and the finals you are sure to give, or perhaps you, the under-appreciated faculty member is dreaming of your next paycheck...

CRASH BANG BOOM!

--no, whatever sleep you hoped to get tonight is RUINED by the thunderous sounds of something falling out of the sky and crashing in the parking lot.

Someone's car is surely ruined, evident by the smoldering crater and... is that metal sphere in the middle?

Care to investigate, or go back to sleep?]

---

[VIDEO; Assuming someone kind and considerate or the FORCES THAT BE oranges magnets eventually got him to one of those mysterious suddenly-appearing-all-over-campus management rails, Rick makes short work of acquainting himself with the school's network. Plug n' go technology, just the way he likes it.]

This thing on?

[The video feed scrolls around a random Smash Academy hallway, blipping on and off--it appears to be a literal first-person view of the mysterious, manly, somewhat digital sounding voice speaking. And they seem to be currently located somewhere on the ceiling.]

There we go. Name's Rick. I'm an Adventure Sphere, designed for danger. Just came back from a space adventure. You know, space: final frontier and all. Full of fire and blood thirsty space pirates. Took out twenty dozen of them single-handily while I was up there.

Tell you what though, this hallway is not in any state of exciting or dangerous. What do you guys (and lady types) do for fun around here, huh?

Greetings, students and teachers of Smash Academy.

My name is Souji Seta. I am an exchange student from a small faraway town that I have, strangely enough, not yet been able to find on the map the assistant headmaster gave me. Regardless, I hope you understand that am new to this area. I have come to study under the tutelage of the many faculty members and hope to expand my education. I have not met my roommate yet, but if anyone would be so kind as to please explain to me why there appears to be a section under his name marked 'species' that has Charizard written under it?

Most strange...

I am also interested in extracurricular activities that involve mechanical constructions. Are they available here? I need access to tools to fix my watch as it appears to be broken.

[Private to Kanji - Unhackable]
Until the investigation is over, I would require your complete assistance in not divulging my true public identity or gender to the rest of the faculty. I realize considering...everything that happened before that this might seem like a step backwards instead of forward, but I assure you that this time it is merely used an undercover disguise.

Thank you.

Oh yes I...uh...would you mind fixing a tear on one of my coats for me? I'm still rather new to the entire city and I haven't had much time to look for a tailor for proper repaired. It is enough that I have to try to fix my watch, and I am certain you could do a much more admirable job in repairing it.