[Some Christmas presents from the blonde bomber:

Voile: A collection headbands in various shades of deep red, complete with little bows attached. They'll stand out in your hair.
Jon: New set of hand wraps, so your knuckles don't get all bloody from punching all the time.
Wheatley: A collection of classic short stories she hadn't seen in the library. She drew a small picture of Wheatley on the front, rolling over the title.
Rick: A stack of three classic spaghetti westerns on DVD. Likewise, there was a drawing of Rick wearing a cowboy hat on the front of one of them.
Pit: A sweater with a note attached: Come see me and I will alter it so we can fit your wings through.
Eli: A hairbrush decorated with an Arbok's hood design.]

[Not that Sakura is tech challenged, exactly, but video networks put you on the spot a bit. Not something she enjoys.]

...Hello. I wish to make a formal introduction. My name is Sakura Oogami. I am new to this school.

[...Is that enough? That's not enough.]

I would also like to inquire about what sports clubs are available in this school, wrestling in particular. I was told this school houses great fighters, and so I hope to challenge all of you, eventually.

For now, however, I have one more question: Where is the best place in town to buy protein?

[Good evening, Smash Academy. Today you are greeting with a shot of DAS AUTOSHOP, where a great many half-finished and slightly ominous-looking vehicular-type projects grace the background. Falcon sits in front of the feed and leans in.]

Football tryouts. If you're not on the team and want to be, show up. We're co-ed and take all grade levels. If you're already on the team, show up anyway. Check in with either myself or Max Powers, he's the other coach.

I ordered new uniforms.

[He is wearing his Flaming Hobos t-shirt.]

Friday, on the field, six PM sharp. Looking for a new team captain. Express interest and ask your questions here.

[GUESS WHO'S BEEN OUT OF THE HOSPITAL FOR A WHILE. He's returned to Smash Academy (some how) as a robot eye ball once again. Maybe you've seen him hanging around the management rails that run the ceilings, maybe you enjoy perpetuating a running gag of not knowing he's actually a robot. Who knows. Either way, a little near-death experience this isn't going to stop Rick from living FULL LIFE CONSEQUENCES a life of adventures and ladies and explosions.]

I don't want to alert you, but looks like we got ourselves a situation comin' up this Friday.

A prom situation.

Now I know what you're thinkin', "Rick, what's a beautiful, lonely adventure-starved woman like myself supposed to do?" Can't go alone, too dangerous. Too tragic.

So tell you what, you just line your pretty selves up right here in this post, and let me take you out to prom. I know it sounds daunting, but I can handle it. I am an expert in escortese and datery. I can even do two or three at a time. On fire.

You don't have to go one more lonely night. It'll be the best time of your life.

Hi, all. Cammy White here. Just wanted to take a quick poll:


... How many of the students (and faculty) here would be interested in a steam room? I was thinking about bringing it up to the administration, thanks to Voile. If other people were interested.

We have no choice. We have been backed against a wall, and from here can either die, or fight with all that we have to defend our right to exist.

Join me in this, so that we may restore our world to peace. That we may at last cast aside arms and have our ideal world. We will have justice!

A casual Monday outing turned tragic when two men were brutally gunned down in front of Malo's Gun and Ammunition mart. The victims; Kaplan Stridehr and Marple Dethrris were found dead with a single Aperture-Brand Resolution Pellet to the head. A third victim, Hendorff Ditherrs, was found at the scene asphyxiated to death. All three of the victims regularly donated community service hours to the FLUDD orphanage and were cherished by their grieving families.

The murder suspects, Kiyotaka Ishimaru, Vivan Johnson, and Rick Johnson, all attend Smash Academy and have been interrogated at least once by the FDCPD. Rick has been hospitalized for the time being with life-threatening injuries, though his condition is stable. He will be questioned when he regains consciousness. It's unclear if his injuries were inflicted in self-defense, or by the other two Smash Academy students in the middle of the attack.

The Smash Academy students claim they were the ones who acted in self defense, but FDCPD has not reached a clear verdict yet to a very messy and terrible situation.

"It's not completely clear this was in self defense." says the police chief. "If you're not looking to kill, you don't put a bullet in someone's head."

Several eye witnesses to the attack also claim the smaller student, Vivian, was the one who open fired and murdered the victims, unprovoked. All three are on juvenile preemptive probation until further investigations are finished. It should be worth noting, again, these were non-human students of Smash Academy, a fighting school that accepts many different kinds of unnatural, humanoid creatures. They could still be considered dangerous despite the probation. Aperture Science is also being questioned for product deficiency, but has not returned any of our calls.

[Lakitu, an unnatural, humanoid turtle man, shuffles the papers on his desk and prepares for the next, possibly vaguely related news story.]

An abandoned church on the east side of the city was mysteriously engulfed in flames last night. Fire accelerants were noted in the area, suggesting that this was no accident. It's uncertain if this incident is related to the gun attack, but non-human terrorists are suspected given the target. If you have any important clues or tips to report, please call the FDCPD immediately.

It's truly terrible this historic building has been reduced to tinder and ashes. Residents are outraged and are calling for Martial law. Mayor Tabuu is taking this into consideration with rising rates of violence and crime, but states he is not likely to come to a decision or see any action result for a least a month, especially given the complicated nature of FDC. Martial law would necessitate the need for an outsourced, contracted military, and the Mayor wants to ensure he has the best for the job.

---

[video]

[Seth appears on video, close up and fiddling with the camera before settling in his seat, a grim expression on his face.]

In case you weren't aware about a certain fiasco that happened between Mary and Vianca a while ago, a new development has recently come to my attention, and I for one am ashamed. Shame on you!

Honestly, she's just a child and didn't know any better. That's no reason for anyone to go antagonize and bully her! I want to think better of our student body.

You're all so quick to turn a blind eye when that murderous swordsman returned to campus. You hardly bat an eyelash at knowing there's at least three new and different murder suspects residing right here! Have any of you even seen the news lately? They're right here, living amongst you all--murderers as your very neighbors. But the moment a naive little girl does something she didn't even know was wrong you ostracize her unfairly. I don't want to name names but you know who you are.

Everyone's double standards here are truly unsettling. You should all think on your sins.

[Ahem. He clears his throat and adjusts his collar, as if to clear out all that ~undignified emotional outpouring~]

Anyway, I apologize if any of that came across as harsh or blunt, and Mary's poor name shouldn't be dragged through the mud any longer. Mary has all my condolences, I wish her the best and above all that this doesn't happen again. That was a while ago anyway--old news. She should know better by now.

I'll see to it personally.

Another passing...

And yet those here are still not moved to action. I wonder, how many must fall to force our collective hand?

Though the imagery suggested is ironic, considering the inactivity of the Hands in this and related matters.

We are, as I have said, in the midst of a war. And wars are not stopped by continuing to fight, to claim more lives. They are stopped only by the people declaring "no more!" in a single voice.

When, I wonder, will that time be for us?

[Kiz I know you're on hiatus so take your time but LIKE, NOT EVEN ONE MINUTE AFTER THIS CONVERSATION...]

Cammy, sweetheart? Are you around?

I don't wanna' frighten you, but I got a dangerous mission and I need to borrow your lips. For science.

[SOMEONE sounds exceedingly pleased today. The video feed is the familiar ceiling vantage point, and whoever (or whatever) is holding the camera (or are they) gives a speedy birds-eye view of the library as they zip down the aisles, making little whirring noises the whole way.

SOMEONE is a robot again.]

In the event anyone was wondering--I am back. All back. Back to normal. Worst three months of my life, give or take, but had it taken care of! Got it sorted. Library operations will proceed as usual, sorry for the--if there was any inconvenience. It was--it was certainly inconvenient. For me.

[The feed does what can only be described as a loop-de-loop as the lens rolls in a complete circle, providing a somewhat disorienting view for a brief moment before the camera rights itself.]

So Rick, if you're--if you're listening--I know the secret. You thought I wouldn't figure it out, but I did.

One-hundred-percent me again, all ro--

[Whatever word he is trying to say is cut off by what sounds like a very large horn just outside the library. The camera blurs as whoever is holding it jerks to the side to get a better look at the offending vehicle.]

Oh, would you look at that, a--is that supposed to be in the parking lot?

[Viewers are granted a split-second glance out the library window to what looks like some combination of Crazy Hand and a monster truck. The feed cuts.]

Ah! Well. That certainly was... a week!

The campus is a bit of a mess. I don't know if anyone else is interested in leading a volunteer clean- up effort with me? I find that a good day's physical work really clears my head. Especially in the brisk February air... !

Anyhow, let me know if you're interested. If no one is, I might just end up doing it on my own.

I'm in need of a good head clearing!

[Well, hi there, network! Look who it is! It is Chell, everyone's favorite mute.]

Yes. Hello.

[Oh, she's…not mute. That's

weird.

Chell's voice (SURPRISE SHE HAS A VOICE) is hoarse and kind of quiet from apparent lack of use. Also…British? She's British? Well, okay. Weirder things have happened. Possibly.

This is also the most expressive she's ever been, probably, in that she looks frazzled and all kinds of disheveled and absolutely terrified as she leans in uncomfortably close to the camera. Her movements are stilted and jerky, as if she doesn't quite know what to do with herself.]

Surprise, right? Can in fact, speak. Guess that means I'm just a big faker, doesn't it? Sorry.

Point is--desperate times. I need to locate [MY BODY] the library assistant. You've all seen him, sort of spherical. Little robot bloke with a big blue eye is what--is what he is. So. If someone could direct me to him, it would be very much appreciated. I can't find him.

[p a u s e]

And it is urgent, thanks.

((OOC: replies are comin from seriousbraindamage. If you feel like actioning it up with a robot in a lady's body, he's over in the Halloweems log here.))

[Video feed shows a pot of gracidea flowers upon an otherwise empty windowsill. And no green-haired willowy girl in sight, but she can at least heard.]

I think it's a little interesting how something can be gone and consequently missing, and yet sometimes it can still be present. I planted these with Professor Cyrus almost two years ago. These flowers, I mean. And I remember the day that I did vividly, because it was one of those times that we were arguing.

We don't really ever forget the people we crossed paths with, I guess, even when we want to. After all, there are things I want to forget too. But I'm beginning to think that I'm going about it the wrong way. Instead of wanting to escape a past, or to pretend people from the past don't exist, I think I should at least be embracing the time I spent with them while they were here.

[It doesn't take a genius to put together that she means both Sonny and Cyrus when she speaks. Except those who didn't know either.]

It's better to be thankful than it is to be held back. Smash Academy, can you tell me what you're thankful for? It doesn't have to be a person. It can be a thing, an ideal, a belief - whatever you want. I'm simply curious.

[The recording that flickers on and off before any actual content is familiar--the moving camera seems mounted on the ceiling and zips along at a brisk pace, providing snippets of--

Well that's not the testing track. You're given a few quick glimpses of what appears to be poorly-lit maintenance areas before the feed cuts and a MYSTERIOUS NO-NETWORK ID TEXT APPEARS??]

don't panic

i know what this is i've dealt with this before it's very important that you listen to me and don't panic

i can get you out

just stay calm and keep testing and don't do anything to make her angry

describe your surroundings and i'll find you

watch the panels

[OOC: Wheatley has been HIDING in the bowels of Smashperture since the renovations went live, and now that the school is on lockdown he IS RESCUING PEOPLE HOW CAN THIS BE. He'll definitely respond with his mysterious text here--if you want him to bust into your test chamber at some point, just drop me a line. It can happen here, in the log, whatever works for you guys. LET'S ESCAPING.]

[The video begins and it shows part of one of the instructor dorms rooms for a moment before a woman steps into view and takes a seat in front of the camera.  Crossing her legs, she offers a friendly smile.]

Good morning, everyone!  My name is Chun Li and I am a new member of the school faculty and will be teaching gymnastics in the upcoming term.

I'm actually very excited to be here and I'm looking forward to meeting and getting to know you all and I trust we can work together to bring out the best in each other!  In the meantime, if anyone has any sort of questions or simply wishes to speak with me, my door is always open to students and faculty alike.

Have a great rest of your day!

[Okay, that should do for a nice introduction.  Not too formal, but not too informal.  That was what she'd been going for.  Giving a final smile, the video is cut.]

Sorry for the unannounced vanishing act-- I got called back to London for work purposes.

Graduation is drawing close, and I'm very interested to see how the ceremony differs from the Capcom ceremony. I'm sure the differences will manifest themselves in... interesting ways. I will be there to cheer the younger students on, count in it.

Well, that was an eventful sort of week, wasn't it? The auction was an absolute madhouse, I feel bad for anyone and everyone involved. I tried to help where I could.

I must admit I was slightly relieved the auction turned out to be the most embarrassing part of the festival though, I wasn't sure how bad the Miss Pageant would be, but it wasn't completely terrible. I've been getting the occasional strange look, though. Was the dress too short... ? Regardless, congratulations to Miss Sable on winning!