Good evening, students! [Or staff, if they're listening.] How is everybody settling in to the new semester? The days may be cold and short and often bleak, but it's important to start as strong as you finish! That's why I have decided that everybody could benefit from a little motivation.

Here is a little activity for us all to share! Everyone, share a quote or proverb that truly inspires you! Use it to invoke that same passion in others! Together, we'll pull through the dark of winter and emerge victorious into the light of spring! Yes, this is truly a wonderful idea!

[Oh god there's no way he's serious about something this lame. But if you squint, you can see one of his handwritten motivational posters on the wall behind him, which means he is probably dead serious.]

All right, I'll begin! Let's see... An appropriate one for this situation would be...

[AHEM.]

"Fall down seven times, stand up eight."

It means, of course, that no matter what life has to throw at you to knock you down, as long as you do not give in to defeat, you can always get back up and try again! Prove that you are greater than any hardship! At the very end of it all, remain standing strong and proud!

What do you think? Does it spark a little inspiration? Now it's your turn!

[Of course he won't be feeling so passionate when a SPECIAL GUEST STAR makes an appearance later on... Stay tuned. Or don't. HOLD ON I LIED that'll be somewhere else.]

Who keeps leaving me parking tickets?

I'm allowed to park in those spots, stop it.

Well well. Looks like I came at a good time. [Letting out a small chuckle and a whistle.]

Howdy, my name's Grit and I'll be your teacher for Information Technology and Logic. Y'know the simple stuff. It'll be my first class so try to go easy on me.

Now... what else do I need to know to be successful? I'll tell you this much... I'm gonna try and avoid any strange plants that pop up. Nothin' good comes from the strange plants.

[He hums a bit before shutting the feed off.]

( Char received one (1) text message to his cellular device. )

[And then eventually, after dargon business went down, a series of other private network text posts were made from both of Bulba's and Vinnie's accounts. Wow. Gosh.]

( Private to Nyx and Jolt, from Bulba: )

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( Private to Red Team, from Vinnie: )

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( Private to Voile and Max from Both of Them.. )

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( ALSO THERE IS A NOTE FOR SKULL KID, FROM VINNIE: )

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( ALSO THERE IS A NOTE FOR ZELDA AND KUMATORA FROM BULBA: )

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[HELLO You can jump straight into action threads if you want to handwave setting things up. We can assume they planned to meet [SOMEWHERE!] at [SOMETIME!]. If you would also like to just text reply or handwave things, that is also super cool :>]

[ Francine very nearly opened her post with "Since when did we have ghosts on campus?". Thankfully, by the time she finished writing the whole thing up, she realized that, hey, maybe there actually were ghost students enrolled in the school, and she edited the opening to be something a little less ignorant. ]

What happened the other day? There was a large influx of ghosts for a while, but then they vanished as quickly as they came. Should I expecting that sort of thing for other upcoming holidays as well?

Apparitions aside, I've been making my candy haul last throughout this whole week. I've seen people gorge themselves in one night and get utterly sick the next day, and that is not an experience I wish to go through.

With all these holidays coming up, the weeks leading up to them are going to feel empty. I trust that the academy will find some way to fill the time with excitement? Preferably without floating desserts and spirits.


( Letter to Max, via school mailbox )

[Voile has probably never looked so 'deadpan' when addressing the network, but in all honesty, it hasn't been the easiest time. In spite of raining donuts, which she went out of her way to avoid to the best of her ability.]

I have two things to bring up, which I'd meant to sooner, however wasn't sure when would be the right time.

I would like to host a contest for the end of this year, consisting of winter fashions, much the way the first contest was held. Based on various strengths of the competitors and featuring prizes this time around that will be more appropriate than some of what was offered previously.

For this, I'd like to enlist the assistance of one tall and somewhat muscular person, and one smaller, petite frame for some tailoring and advertisement purposes.

I'm also curious to know if there's anyone who continues to be interested in occasional Host Club gatherings. If so, I'd like to be responsible for those if no one has any objections.

SMASH ACADEMY! I GIVE YOU MY GREETINGS!

[The young man, centered in the camera frame, uniform freshly pressed, gives a sharp, deep bow. He fixes his audience with as piercing and earnest a gaze as he can manage.]

My name is Hajime Tanaka, and I have arrived here to provide moral and spiritual support to those of you residing here! You have faced brutal trials! You've been burdened with heart-rending struggles! However this may exhaust your mind, body, or spirit, I hope you may take my words as genuine: I am here to support you! Henceforth, none of your conflicts need be faced on your own. I am here to be used if needed! Simply call on me, and I'll be there!

[Just an instant's hesitation, a flash of discomfort. He can't believe he has to say this out loud, but he will. For the school. A deep breath:]

LET'S GO, FLAMING HOBOS!

Well, I should have seen it coming. I have no one to blame but myself. I chose to come back to this school of my own volition. I should have expected that it was only a matter of time before everything went completely horrific and confusing.

Sure, I've seen plenty of journal entries bemoaning the use of technology to control others against their will, but I believe we're forgetting the most important thing of all! Aren't we?!


THE CAMPUS IS A MESS! AGAIN! That odd, misshapen student exploded, and I know the detestable Eggman isn't going to do a thing, so who's supposed to clean this up?! I'm the Student Affairs Admin, it's not my job!

[Not that Sakura is tech challenged, exactly, but video networks put you on the spot a bit. Not something she enjoys.]

...Hello. I wish to make a formal introduction. My name is Sakura Oogami. I am new to this school.

[...Is that enough? That's not enough.]

I would also like to inquire about what sports clubs are available in this school, wrestling in particular. I was told this school houses great fighters, and so I hope to challenge all of you, eventually.

For now, however, I have one more question: Where is the best place in town to buy protein?

[Good evening, Smash Academy. Today you are greeting with a shot of DAS AUTOSHOP, where a great many half-finished and slightly ominous-looking vehicular-type projects grace the background. Falcon sits in front of the feed and leans in.]

Football tryouts. If you're not on the team and want to be, show up. We're co-ed and take all grade levels. If you're already on the team, show up anyway. Check in with either myself or Max Powers, he's the other coach.

I ordered new uniforms.

[He is wearing his Flaming Hobos t-shirt.]

Friday, on the field, six PM sharp. Looking for a new team captain. Express interest and ask your questions here.

So, guys! Looks like the school year's comin' up! Everyone ready? Feels weird now that I get to say that, graduatin' and all.

Still feels weird but I'm gonna get used to it. Especially now since I actually signed up for college classes!

Do ya believe they got so many things to choose from? I couldn't even decide at first! But to take the real cool soundin' classes like "Neurophysics", ya gotta take normal physics n' stuff.

But hey while we're on the subject of goin' back to school, Boxin' Club members!

I ain't got around to askin' this durin' practice so I guess I'll talk 'bout it here.

You guys get to make up your own stage name! I got some info that Capcom High n' stuff started doin' a thing too! Y'know what that means? We get to have real matches with rival schools! So we get to show our stuff, and if ya want you can give 'em a name that people will remember for the rest of their lives!

So hit me, whatcha guys got!

Hey guys. Two things.

First thing! Whoever put up all those Anti-Eggman fliers in town? You are awesome. I'm not even kidding - Whoever you are? I'ma buy you lunch. You are a friend to every sane person in this city and I salute you.

Second Thing! I'm lookin' to take some folks to my Island next weekend for a couple days. Most years I invite some friends over there and we have a little get together and folks run around and go nuts in all the different places my Island has to go nuts in. I'm gonna make the invite a little more open this year - If a weekend on an Island sounds like somethin' you wanna do and you can promise not to leave the place in a mess or be a jerk? Drop me a line and let me know.

I think that covers it.

( But first, a narration! )


To all students and staff afflicted with growing animal parts:

It has come to my attention that there is a common problem sweeping through the school. I can't tell you how many patients I have come in with complaints about growing tailbones or sprouting feathers and the like, so if you are starting to notice these bizarre symptoms, please be aware that you are not alone in your suffering! Even I am beginning to notice startling changes in my bodily composition. I'm trying to figure out if I can pinpoint a commonality between those with this problem so we can get to the root of it, but in the meantime, please hang tight!

Never fear. I'm sure we will come up with a solution eventually. We always do, right?

((OOC: If you would like action, please feel free to hit up this post and come see Rhys about your problems! Or just see Rhys. Whichever!))

[This time, rather than a small creature with a mask, a human face greets you on a video feed. Genny has a bright, cheery look on said human face.]

Good day, Smash Academy! General Guy here, again! Now that I'm fully settled back in, I want to get to work!

[He picks up a stack of papers and begins to flick through them, humming as he does. Was that it? Did he forget he left the video feed on?


oh no wait he's back]

O-kay! So.

[He puts a "sympathetic" look on his face. It's not really coming across.]

It's been strange, I know. I saw that Mr. Powers is planning on running a seminar to help non- human students acclimate better to a human life, and that's excellent! However, as a non- human myself, I believe even more can be done.

Perhaps there's a way to help humans better understand the lives of non- humans? To show the other side of the coin? I believe it would be beneficial, and would.

[Genny steals a look at his notes.]

... Help prevent a division from being formed within the student body here on campus.

[He puts his fingers together, and points them at the camera in a non- threatening, authoritative pose.]

It's all up to you, the student body. What way would you best like to share your stories? Please leave your suggestions as a response to this entry, or in my mailbox.

So, after I met this guy at school who wasn't normally a human but who had a human body, and he didn't know how he was supposed to shower or brush his teeth or nothin' I realized that we got a lot of students and teachers at this place that maybe never had a human body before.

No shame in that. Different way of livin' is all. But, since so many people here are pokemon or robots or ghosts or all sorts of stuff, that maybe didn't have experience bein' a human and knowin' how to do body upkeep or how to wash clothes or nothin', I figured that maybe we should have some sorta club for students and teachers and whatever who got a new human body that they're still figurin' out. I mean, I been a pokemon like... four or five times now... and every time I gotta learn somethin' totally new about how to walk with four legs or how to make trees grow or how to fly or shoot water from my back or all sorts of stuff. I mean, I had to learn how to shave on my own when I was 12, and that was a mess. Why not help each other out?

I ain't sayin' that I know everything about havin' a human body or how to wash clothes or whatever, but I think I'm pretty good at a lot of it. I asked the Hands if I could have a sorta "Your new human body and you" club that could meet sometimes to talk about human body stuff and practice doin' human things that maybe you ain't had practice doin' like washin' clothes or shavin' or other stuff. Meets every couple of weeks I was thinkin'.

And anybody who's regularly not a human but who's learned lots about havin' a human body can come and help out, too. Heck, you'd probably be more helpful than me for some stuff. And maybe I could get a lady to help handle any, uh, girl-related issues. You probably don't want me talkin' about tampons and times of the month.

Anyway, if you're interested, just tell me. I was thinkin' maybe we could have our first meeting in a couple of weeks, just to give people time to think about it and all. Maybe do some meetings over the summer. Just 'cause the rest of the world's goin' crazy don't mean we gotta act like we can't learn from each other.

A video from Max appears on the network.

Vinnie must have helped him make it.



Max is clearly wearing a pair of steel bear ears on the top of his head.

"I made a bunch of animal ears down at the forge. Like, to wear on your head. If you wanna wear 'em to show your solidarity, you can come get some from me. Free. Don't cost you nothin'."

Max pauses and takes a breath. "Lemme just say one thing. I been in a situation where people decided to pit all sortsa groups against each other so they could take advantage of all of us while we were fightin' with each other. Don't let whatever pack of douchebags who's behind all of this whatever the heck it is push you around into bein' afraid. A lotta my friends are pokemon or echidna guys or all sorts of stuff. And just let me say -- you pull shit on one of my friends you got these to answer for."

And here, dear viewer, Max flexes into the camera. Slowpoke appears over Max's shoulder somehow, grinning happily into the camera that he isn't aware is there yet. Your computer screen probably just broke from the sheer majesty of it all.

In case your screen didn't break, what you see is an exasperated Vinnie appearing from behind Max (he was evidently here the entire time, but just, you know, eclipsed by Max's giant biceps) leaning over to push the very obvious 'video on/off' button that Max has no idea how to work. The video feed cuts off.

[Action]
[Ivan is in the computer lab, sitting hunched over one of the keyboards as he uses the tried-and-true hunt-and-peck method of typing. He had been told about the school "network", but he had no idea what that actually meant or how to use it.

Technology was confusing. Everything here seemed so advanced, it gave him a headache and frustrated him, but he was too prideful to actually ask how any of this stuff worked. So for now, he suffers alone.

"Username", "Password"? Well, he's pretty sure he's got the first part down...

IVAN RAIKOV|]

Let me iiinn... [He lets out a frustrated whine and shoves the screen back against the wall before finally letting his head rest on the keyboard.

The computer starts making that annoying ding sound one gets when they reach the character limit on an entry form.]

[Voice]
[Through means unknown, Ivan somehow manages to get into the network and figure out how to make a phone call. It wasn't just any phone call though, it was a phone call...through a screen!]

[He makes an almost embarrassed sounding laugh at the start of his clip. Forgive him, he's just beside himself with glee.]

So, teachers, students. I have yet to meet you all yet~ Why don't you tell me a little about yourselves? I'll tell you about myself in exchange:

I'm twenty-six years old, I trained in the Russian Spetsnaz and was Major of the GRU. So, you could me capable. I'm just on leave right now. You know, it's just some relocation. Because I was too good for where they had me before.

[He's digging himself into a hole now.]

I'll be out of this dump in a few months, but for now I'm your new "physical education" teacher.

[...and digging...]

So...you know! Don't be late to class!

[He can't even climb back out and save himself the embarrassment anymore.]