[The following message is being broadcast from the bunkers.]

So hey, I'm down in the bunker now, and you would not BELIEVE what happened to me the other day. I was out in town, when I got jumped! By the martial arts teacher! I managed to beat him before he could, you know, eat me? And, um... Long story short.

[The camera pans to the side. There's a snarling, angry wolfman in a metal cage, clawing angrily at it. There's a water bowl there with a piece of masking tape stuck to it that has the name JON written on it.]

I've kinda got him locked up here so he can't maim anyone else. Anyone got any idea how to deal with this?

[It's a phone video from Sonny Moe! He waves at the camera.]

So! I was saving money to buy a car this year! But then, I thought, maybe that money could be used for something better. Something to help cheer everyone up, maybe? Because I know people are scared of the moon and stuff, even though King Bowser's going to have that all under control! So, I was like, what will make everyone happier? Then I remembered it's after Halloween, sooooo...

[And lo, he swivels the camera around to show a MOUNTAIN of candy sitting in an unused classroom.]



Yeah, you guessed it! I spent pretty much my life savings on super discounted Halloween candy to share with you all! I'm in the old Algebra classroom because I thought maybe it was time something fun happened in there! Come and get whatever you like!

OK, bye!!

In the evenings, for about half an hour, there is a howling that has struck up over the last three or four nights. The originator of said howls is one Jock ("Jock") the Arcanine™. If you speak either Pogglespeech or Doge, you can understand what is being said:

"Go away, moon."
"Nobody wants you."
"You have a stupid face."
"I'll bite you if you come here."
"You're the worst."
"My mom could kick your butt."
"You can't even handle this, bro."
"Leave and don't come back."
"You're a stupid moon."
"I'll set you on fire if you don't go back to where you're supposed to be."

Maybe someone should tell him to shut up. Or maybe someone should join him to tell the moon what's for.

[Hello! There's a new face on the network and she seems both excited and timid and is tapping away at keys before looking up at the camera then down again and finally up one more time.]

H-hello there, I'm sure you all figure, but I'm new here a your Academy and am happy to say I'm excited to both learn alongside you as a student, and hopefully teach you some things as a teacher as well! I'll be teaching a branch of engineering while attending school and learning about this world!

I--

[She pauses for a second before her face reddens and she offers an awkward bow of her head.] Guess I got ahead of myself, f-forgot to introduce myself.

I'm Ronnae, Ronnae 'Mash Belore Ryllos. I come from Azeroth and I hope you'll have me here and that i can prove to be an asset as well.

So, I, well thank you!

[The video feed shows Gordon, in his favorite SMASH ACADEMICS t-shirt. Behind him is the technicolor orange, green and white of an athletics track behind him. That's funny. Isn't the field house covered in snow right now? Anyway, he looks like he's just run a marathon, or at least a pretty ambitious 100-meter dash.]

I thought I'd officially announce that I've re-instigated a track and field team here at the Academy. [And breathe, and,] You're looking at the head coach, in fact. [And huff, and,] For those of you who don't know what that is, track and field is a sport that combines small competitions in running, jumping and throwing. Tryouts are after school Monday, for any students who are interested and have the aptitude. All right computer, end simulation!

[The last four words cause the world around him to scatter like a corrupted video file and wink out of existence, revealing one of the arena's holographic platforms.]

Due to the cold, we'll be practicing in the arena. Oh, and anyone interested in cross-country running would also come see me at the same time. I don't know if we'll get enough to make a team, but it's worth a shot.

OUR SCENE: The floor of a men's restroom, seen sideways; a row of urinals, at least one of which appears to be currently on fire, is seen in the background.
OUR HERO: One Jock ("Jock") the Arcanine, now cast in attractive human shape, and lying down on the floor of the men's restroom.
OUR TIME: We begin in media res, late afternoon on November the 29th.

( ::Video feed begins:: )

[So SOMEONE is used to a life of fame and glory, doing promotional work involving cheer squad photoshoots and crap like that. Among this crap is an ANNUAL CALENDAR..

That he just found out was done without him this year.

And that a bear may or may not have been dressed up in a uniform and filled in for him. Hayato is not sure how much of the text message he should believe, but he doesn't rule that possibility out.

Either way, he is BUTTHURT. But he's determined not to miss out on the fun entirely. So here he is, all charming/smug smiles and bright ideas.]

I'm looking for an elite team of those who love the camera and who the camera loves right back.

It's nearly the end of the year, which means calendar sales will be shooting up pretty soon. So who wants to volunteer for a little school project? A Smash Academy calendar does sound like quite something, doesn't it? This school is rather well known in this city, so it has potential.

The proceeds will go toward a charity just in time to make the holidays a whole lot cheerier for those in need, people who need to keep track of dates will make their walls a little more beautiful... it's for a good cause all around.

How about it?

[TIME TO DRAW CUTE PINUPS IS WHAT I'M SAYING HERE]

[Somebody in school has been missing his phone for a day or two. Bad news for him, but good news for someone else, who struggles to send something out to the network ASAP.]

This is probably gonna sound stupid, but I haven't been here for a while: This island been up here for long? ...And how do you get down? I guess someone's been up here before me, and whoever it was dropped his phone.

Sorry for boosting it, but I got nothing on me and this ain't the kind of place I wanna stick around in. You'll get it back once I get off this thing.

[There is a long pause full of ambient jungle noise while something finally dawns on him.]

Is there a station wagon down there, somewhere? Tell me it's not on a roof.

[It's been in the parking lot since Friday night. How did it get there? A mystery.]

It was a bright and cheery afternoon; the zephyr blew in light breezes — except at occasional intervals, when it was increased by a gentle gust of wind which swept up the halls (for it is in Smash Academy that our scene lies), rattling along the desktops, and gently agitating the notebooks of the students that struggled against sleepy boredom.

A man hirsute of face and swole of body stood outside a doorway, and pawed at Blue's door with his hand.

"Mama," he said. "Mama, can I come in?"

Dear Reader, this is not the normal series of events, for Our Hero is typically acclaimed a Man of Action, tarrying not at mere doors, but instead bursting through the the strength of one who knows not the churlish bonds of private discretion.

On Monday morning at 9am, when students are in classes, a chime goes off.

A familiar chime to any student from Hope's Peak Academy.

The voice everyone expects does not appear afterward, however. That is, perhaps, the only good thing to come from this.

( DR Spoiler Thing Happens )

I love you. You are my favorite.

((You probably get one of these a day, every day, since he learned how to use a computer.))

[Wait, why is there just a pile of garbage here? Did somebody just empty out a dumpster in front of the camera and let it roll? Who even does that?]

Hello? This thing on?

[Oh wait, no. Now it's moving. And talking. He reaches over and taps the lens a couple times with a big ol' pipe finger.]

Oh! Okay, good. Great.

Er... high there! I'm sorta new here, and I was, uh, kinda wondering if any'a you fine folks out there would be willing to a lend me a hand. Or a paw or.. whatever you've got, really. Not gonna judge. But anyway! If anybody could point me towards...

[There's a slight rustling sound as he looks down at something off-camera.]

Dorm BE? I'm kinda lost, y'see. Not really all that good with directions. Or signs. Or words. But hey, that's what I'm here for! Gettin' myself an education, really hittin' the books. I mean, why else would I be here?

[Insert awkward chuckling here.]

Oh! My name's Gershel, by the way. Or, I guess it's my name. S'what everybody calls me, so I figure hey, might as well go with it, right?

[Unfortunately for any non-pokemon viewers, all of the above just registers as something to the effect of "Garbodor, garb, odor garb". The idea that he might be talking to actual humans out there hasn't really crossed his mind yet.]

::THIS FUZZBUCKET APPEARS ON THE SCREEN WEARING A T-SHIRT WITH A SMILING KAWAII GROWLITHE FACE ON IT. THE SHIRT IS CLEARLY A SIZE TOO SMALL BECAUSE HE'S VAIN LIKE THAT.::

Did you guys know that they make a kind of underwear called a jock strap???? Does this mean that I'm named after underwear? Should I get some? Does it come in stripes? Usually I wear this kind of underwear.

::He holds up some arcanine-striped boxer-briefs.::

Do you think I'll need a jock strap for going to Kalos?

((I warned you I'd do it.))

[Choo choo look it's Blue, actually in her own room for once. She's still got her sling on for her shoulder, but she's looking pretty good otherwise. Tired, perhaps, but doing alright.]

I think hovering donuts are what really sold me. I've been itching to get out of here for a while! Staying in one place for so long is totally weird for me, I gotta get my feet moving. This was just supposed to be a pit stop before I kept going to another region, after all. I had a trip all planned out since June, so now's the time!

… Almost! Once I get this out of the way. [She motioned with her head towards her shoulder.] So maybe after Halloween.

Did anyone want to make any plans for that? That don't involve babysitting?

… Jock, what's the tummy status today?

---
[Private to Vinnies]
Hey…! You wanna go camping?

SMASH ACADEMY! I GIVE YOU MY GREETINGS!

[The young man, centered in the camera frame, uniform freshly pressed, gives a sharp, deep bow. He fixes his audience with as piercing and earnest a gaze as he can manage.]

My name is Hajime Tanaka, and I have arrived here to provide moral and spiritual support to those of you residing here! You have faced brutal trials! You've been burdened with heart-rending struggles! However this may exhaust your mind, body, or spirit, I hope you may take my words as genuine: I am here to support you! Henceforth, none of your conflicts need be faced on your own. I am here to be used if needed! Simply call on me, and I'll be there!

[Just an instant's hesitation, a flash of discomfort. He can't believe he has to say this out loud, but he will. For the school. A deep breath:]

LET'S GO, FLAMING HOBOS!

[Good evening, Smash Academy. Today you are greeting with a shot of DAS AUTOSHOP, where a great many half-finished and slightly ominous-looking vehicular-type projects grace the background. Falcon sits in front of the feed and leans in.]

Football tryouts. If you're not on the team and want to be, show up. We're co-ed and take all grade levels. If you're already on the team, show up anyway. Check in with either myself or Max Powers, he's the other coach.

I ordered new uniforms.

[He is wearing his Flaming Hobos t-shirt.]

Friday, on the field, six PM sharp. Looking for a new team captain. Express interest and ask your questions here.

::The video opens to THIS MAN who is so happy to be regular himself again that he's SHIRTLESS so you can SEE HIS MUSCLES and also HIS COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF CHEST HAIR::

Blake decided he wanted to go live in a pokeball with mom all the time instead of being a person sometimes and going to school.

I know that he wants to make sure that mom's safe all the time, but it means I don't have anybody to take afternoon naps with anymore.

Does anybody want to take naps with me? I'm really good at cuddles.