001- [video] - Laytex all the way down...

[black_shadow]

[Black Shadow does not appear in public without his costume, no matter how much it looks like the school network has been invading by sketchy fetish spam. He sits with his arms folded in front of the camera, like he's sizing up everyone watching it. He clears his throat.]

...Greetings Smash Acadamy. My name is Black Shadow and you may know me as a world famous F-Zero racer and the revered Emperor of Evil! HAHAHAHAHAH!

...I am also your new Drivers Ed teacher.

I am told I can't make the class mandatory, but I strongly urge you to come. Driving is a far more vital skill than you can ever know.

As for my new...colleges: I look forward to working with you.

[He smirks briefly, like there's something about to happen and he can't wait to see how it's going to turn out. Amazing how menacing that can make a normally meaningless pleasantry.]

Comments

i told you i was going to action first but I liked [MYSTERIOUS ANONYMOUS TEXT]

[raced_god]

Not dead, huh.

[the anon text is so nobody knows that Falcon is actually cursing both loudly and prolifically and maybe kicking a trash can in pure, unadulterated rage]

WHO COULD THIS ANON BE MY GOODNESS

[black_shadow]

No doubt you're thrilled to learn this. I imagine my supposed death made quite a wave.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fj7Vklv5nDk

[raced_god]

Left a big mess to clean up, if that's what you mean.

For the record, I didn't think you were dead.

[Spoilers, though: he totally allowed himself to HOPE]

[action]

[bloodvile]

[GUESS WHO WAS TOO EXCITED TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO KEYSMASH A LOT/MAKE THE STUPID COMPUTERS WORK AND JUST RAN DOWN THE HALL POSSIBLY IN CIRCLES UNTIL HE FOUND BLACK SHADOW AND BUST INTO HIS OFFICE...

this guy.]

You're here!

[black_shadow]

I certainly am, thanks to you. Excellent work, Blood.

[Blood is on the very short list of people Black Shadow will stand up to greet, because he's also on the very short list of people that Shadow is actually glad to see. He kind of owes Blood in a roundabout way for getting him out of racing hell.]

[bloodvile]

[Even though they aren't exactly the touchy feely hugging types the wicked grin and excitable fist pump is well enough an equally excited greeting.]

I know you'd come back. What took you so damn long?

I've been roughing up Falcon and his friends while you've been away.

[video]

[icequeen_aran]

[Knowing Falcon would rush headfirst into this is an inevitable as the tick of a clock, and while Samus worried (and certainly wouldn't hesitate to do exactly the same), she wasn't about to stop Falcon either. Perhaps she could provide some kind of distraction while Falcon was on his way to give Black Shadow a nice big punch in his evil face.]

Were you the F-Zero racer who came in last place last championship?

[video]

[black_shadow]

[Greeeeeat, a smartass.]

If you knew anything about the circuit you'd know not to taunt me like that.

[icequeen_aran]

I won't apologize for friendly or not so friendly banter between colleges. You'll just have to get used to it.

[video]

[thereyouare]

You're evil??

[video]

[black_shadow]

Was it not obvious?

[video]

[thereyouare]

But why? Isn't that mean?

[ thank god for children????? ]

Don't be bad. It's bad.

[ yeah. ]

[Video]

[pyroblasters]

Emperor of Evil, eh? Doesn't exactly seem like the kinda thing you want to announce around a Hero of Justice! Though, Pyrrhon supposes he shouldn't go meddling in petty mortal affairs.

[Video]

[black_shadow]

I've met many many so-called Heroes of Justice in my time. All you'll been missing out on is a chance to be killed like the rest.

[Video]

[pyroblasters]

Well, clearly you've just never been enough of a problem to warrant any divine intervention, then! Mortals can't exactly kill Gods, after all.

[blueburnshotter]

[What is with the horned leather-daddy super villain look these days? This is like the second time...]

So is teaching a passion, or just how the Emperor of Evil gets by in the evil racing off season?

[GENUINELY CURIOUS. This seems like such a step down.]

[black_shadow]

[...He kind of wants to get mad but...it's a fair question, actually. Hopefully this guy won't press the issue.]

Let's just say I'm looking to...expand my horizons.

[blueburnshotter]

They certainly are getting creative with community service...

[THAT SURE IS AN ASSUMPTION TO MAKE.]

Well, as your new colleague, allow me to welcome you to the Academy. My name is Hayato Saionji.

[That look on his face is one of a man who is clearly waiting for gasps of shock and awe. Or some kind of recognition. Please, something, anything, nobody here knows his work.]

[punchtheflute]

Oh yay! I've been wanting to learn how to drive cars!

[That is obviously the important take-away from this post. Driving cars.]

Welcome to the school! Try not to be TOO evil though, OK? There are a lot of heroes here! I wouldn't want you to get hurt before you can teach me to parallel park! ....it looks really hard.

[Oh, cool, Sonny DID notice that 'revered emperor of evil' bit.]

[black_shadow]

[Aha! Finally, someone with sense.]

Oh, parallel parking is hardly difficult once you know the tricks to it! I promise you that my class will teach you that and far more...

And never fear...I have been defeating heroes for years and years!

[punchtheflute]

[Well, Sonny was kind of sort of a Hero himself. But he'd keep that on the down-low for now.]

I'll be looking forward to learning!

My name is Sonny Moe - Welcome to the school!

[deathboss]

I feel like you're right out of a sentai show episode. What kind of circus is F-Zero anyway?

[black_shadow]

The best kind...Where the lions are allowed to run free, and the acrobats perform without nets...

[video]

[fakespeech]

Driving? What if you don't need to drive because you can float around? Is it still important to know to drive?

[video]

[black_shadow]

Absolutely! I can float around and teleport, and my driving skills have been invaluable beyond words!