( Long Boring Narration )


Anyone know where I can find a good part-time job?

About half an hour after this phone call ended, a heap of shattered things was deposited outside of Vinnie and Sonny's room.

In this heap, should you care to shift things around and figure out what everything used to be, there appears to be:
One (1) Specially-made cellphone for very large and strong hands
One (1) Desktop computer, monitor, keyboard and mouse, all made for exceptionally large and strong hands
One (1) Very Large Computer Chair
One (1) Flatscreen television
Three (3) Barbells, bent into fanciful shapes
Four (4) 100 pound freeweight plates, somehow snapped in half like cookies
Two (2) sets of dresser drawers
A hard-to-count number of blue cargo pants and white tank tops are in the dresser drawers, as well. They may be salvageable.

[Skarmory is on screen. Looking very serious as he stares into the soul of whoever was his audience.]

I want a name.

Blaze: Your secret Santa doesn't know anything about you other than you're a girl and your name. He got you a necklace.

Agitha: An informational book on insects which contains lots of photos and illustrations. There's also a bookmark with a cute floral design bundled with it.

Apple Kid: A credit card tool kit...except he might of tinkered with the brightness of the LED light. Enjoy temporarily blinding your enemies!  It's bundled with a small bottle of hand sanitizer for some reason.

Daisy: A keychain game that he built himself.

Fox: A scarf and a pair of gloves. He also checked out your arwing to see if it needed any repairs.

Knuckles: A book on ancient ruins around the world along with a pen light with a tiny charm resembling the Master Emerald on the end.

Krystal: A red bandana/ascot/neckerchief/whatever the heck the Star Fox team wore on their necks in the 64 game and a ring wrapped inside it.

Lash: A year's subscription to the Pokemon Journal He didn't know it was a gossip magazine, he thought it gave tips on training pokemon. There are also assorted poffins for your team.

Leon: A cheesecake. A NON-POISONOUS blueberry cheesecake.

Marie: A wall scroll of Justin Biever.

Ness: You also got a homemade keychain game.

Everyone above + His Teachers: A tiny box of peppermint flavored taffy. He didn't really have much money to spend on this year but he wanted to make sure everyone he knew got something.

( This part is private, sent to his followers in Sinnoh )




...The symphony "The Planets" refered to the titular celestial bodies by traits associated with their mythical namesakes. The suites bear those as names. Bringer of Aging, Bringer of Contentment, Bringer of War...

According to legend, humans knew not of war before the god of war introduced it to them. We know this is false. And yet it speaks of much. Through this we know that humans have long believed themselves to be incapable of creating something so horrific. That they wish to view themselves as inherently innocent, despite consigning themselves to willingly worship the one who brought them such terrifying knowledge. They simultaneously saw themselves as above and far below that god.

And now it plagues us. All that we do, all that we are has been touched by violence. Peace is considered impossible. Oftentimes, the very thought of peace is ridiculed as a dream, a fantasy. And because of this complaciency, war is accepted. The slaughter of millions, billions through history. What discoveries have been lost? What countless stories have been silenced forever?

We want to believe that we are acceptable. That we are moral. Yet there can be no morality when such things are only clucked at with a muttered "somebody should do something" and no attempt to be that person. When we are taught that we must serve our countries and that such servitude is the utmost honor, that those who do are automatically "heroes" regardless of their behavior. No, I say! A hero cannot be one who takes lives because they are ordered to! That is nothing but a common villain!

And yet we have not yet realized that as a species. As a world. We still consider ourselves willful slaves of that imaginary god. The Bringer of War...that is only us.

[There is a happy, blond girl on the video feed. She is all smiles and giggles. There is a basket of Halloween cookies sitting on the desk beside her.]

I had a lot of fun making Halloween treats with everyone! If you see any Halloween-shaped cookies in the lounge, please feel free to eat them. I tried to make enough to send some home, but I might've made too much. Hee hee, oops! Oh well, better there's too much and not too little, right? Now there's enough to share!

Speaking of Halloween, what is everyone dressing up as? I haven't decided yet. Does anyone have any suggestions? I was planning on going downtown within the next few days and visiting the costume stores. If anyone wants to tag along, please feel free! The more the merrier. There's only a week left until Halloween. I better hurry before all the good costumes are sold out!

Hey stupidheads of Waluigi academy!

Waluigi is Waluigi, your new
principal. Give everything you own to Waluigi or suffer Waluigi's wrath!
FROM NOW ON, YOU MUST ALL WEAR PURPLE!

Though Waluigi came across two problems that Waluigi wants to know the answers to:

WHO IS SILVER AND WHY SHOULD WALUIGI CARE!?

Whatever. This is Wario's fault that Waluigi has to share a room with a shiny rock. NEXT QUESTION!


WHY AREN'T YOU KISSING WALUIGI'S SHOES YET?

Come out, come out wherever you are, Luigi! You're the new Waluigi academy jester! Now dance for Waluigi! DANCE!