In the evenings, for about half an hour, there is a howling that has struck up over the last three or four nights. The originator of said howls is one Jock ("Jock") the Arcanine™. If you speak either Pogglespeech or Doge, you can understand what is being said:
"Go away, moon."
"Nobody wants you."
"You have a stupid face."
"I'll bite you if you come here."
"You're the worst."
"My mom could kick your butt."
"You can't even handle this, bro."
"Leave and don't come back."
"You're a stupid moon."
"I'll set you on fire if you don't go back to where you're supposed to be."
Maybe someone should tell him to shut up. Or maybe someone should join him to tell the moon what's for.
A quick note to the security team: would you all mind coming to the office for a meeting? Now, more than ever, I feel we need to discuss and plan for what's going on.
[Never mind that Harpuia isn't even on the security staff and acting like he's in charge of the whole thing. Acting like he's in charge is kind of just what Harpuia does.]
Anyone who has any information that may be of use or feels they can be of service is welcome to attend, as well. We're in no position to turn down anything that could help us prepare for what's to come.
[Indeed, Harpuia is already waiting in the security office, looking over a map of the area he picked up from an FDC tourist center then immediately covered in notes and circles.]
So. Moon's dropping, eh? Guess either this dimension's version of Arlon is drunk at the wheel, or something else is going on! Either way, it's some pretty bad news!
Fortunately for you mortals, if none of these other plans pan out, the Sun God PYRRHON has got one of his own! It wouldn't be the first time Pyrrhon's pushed a massive deadly object away from the Earth, after all!
[It'd just be the first time he's done it willingly.]
Only problem is, uh. The Moon is quite a bit bigger than the last one Pyrrhon pushed. And is being affected by gravity instead of free in space. And pushing that last thing left me so drained that I was drifting through space for over a year.
So Pyrrhon's looking for a little help! Anyone that's got the power or propulsion to take some of the load off my back, you know? Anyone here capable of that? Every little bit might count!
Hey, so did you know that they make powdered alcohol?
Did you know that it sort of looks like protein powder if you ain't paying attention?
Did you know that in all the explosions and monsters and everything that I found some and thought it was protein powder and made a shake for myself and drank it down real fast and then after I drank it realize it was booze?
Because that happened.
I just. I just need to tell you all that I believe in you and that we're gonna get through this and me and Slowpoke are gonna be here for you and we love you and I got this really great idea for a giant gun that Slowpoke I love you too you're real great and the. The. Thing. I love the thing. Tanks. I love tanks. And workin' out. And THESE GUNS, YOOOOOO! I love tanks and working out and these guns and Slowpoke. And you.
How do I unwrite this? Unwrite. Unwrite. Unwrite. It doesn't post if I say post
There are those who have made it clear that their proposed solution to this catastrophe is to destroy the moon.
Such an action would damn us all. It has been brushed off with remarks that the debris would simply burn up in the atmosphere, yet even if this were to happen, we cannot survive without the moon.
Already we have seen the effects of its closeness on the world around us. Yet, what do you believe would happen if there were no moon at all?
The planet's orbit would become unstable itself, with no 'child' to balance it. Though it would not veer out of orbit with the sun, its overall path would be altered. Tides would fail. Our bodies, primarily water as they are, would suffer.
This world, were it to survive such an event, would find itself a wasteland. And such a thing cannot be considered "saving" it.
Any proposing such a course of action with this knowledge ought to be considered a threat to our very existence.
I know that most of you chumps are worried about the moon crashing into the planet or whatever.
I've destroyed more than one moon in my time. Several moons. Lots of them. They fall apart like brittle china when I hit them with my massive upper-body strength. I'm just that sort of guy
Problem being, at the time, I was bigger than I currently am. It's a long story, I created my own universe, it was amazing, then I got tired of it and I left because once you've created one universe, you've created them all. But anyway, I don't have access to any Grand Stars, since I can't seem to fly off-planet anymore, so I can't create or destroy planets anymore.
But fear not, much weaker-than-me reader. I, with my brilliant mind, have another plan. I need at least two adventurous... adventurers... to shrink down to microscopic size, enter my body, and visit my... growth area
, which will stimulate my already prodigious strength and amazing body to the limit, and I'll grow large enough to punch the moon out of the sky, no problems. Just imagine, how grateful everyone you know will be, knowing that you got to help me
solve all of your moon-issues for you.
So anyway, I'm taking volunteers here.
Alright, I'll just cut through the pretense. Looks like the sky is falling, eh? You'd think there would be at least two or three people at the school that had some kind of insta-fix when it comes to this situation. But instead, I guess we're trapped in FDC. I don't have much to offer at the moment outside of being someone to freak out at I guess. If someone needs that.
Meanwhile, when it comes to me and mine... We stay cool, we stay together, we'll figure this shit out. Are you guys all okay? Obviously Bulba's already here, but between our two bedrooms, we've got plenty of space. If you wanted to come camp out in the RA dorm... I'd like that.
[Private to Blue]
You always were smarter than me when it came to logical moves. Mind laying down some of your trademark wisdom on me? I'm not saying this is weirding me out, but...
I'm running out of toilet paper and food in the surprisingly big janitor's closet that I locked myself in about three weeks ago, dude. 川o･-･)ﾉ If anyone is alive and can read this, please send more toilet paper and food. There's a toilet in here. ⊃゜Д゜）⊃ Like a secret toilet, dude. It's a really nice janitor's closet.
There's a bunch of old videogame systems and a TV in the secret toilet room. But not too nice. Not nice enough that anyone else should stay in here with me. ( •᷄⌓•᷅ )
Please help me not starve, okay thanks, dude. (oﾟ□ﾟ)o Message me back soon to let me know you're alive and can help out. Reduced price fortunetelling for anybody who helps. (•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑
I have salvaged as many of the ancient and important books from the library as I am able. That said, those efforts are fruitless should the moon conclude its path.
There is one option that will save us, yet for that I require all of you. You have varied experience with artifacts of great power, and we must pool that knowledge and artifacts themselves, as well as find those able to use them.
Additionally, among our alumni there was a being known as Bob Heather, called Arceus by whose who view it as a deity. Finding Arceus once more would be a boon to our cause.
And Mesprit, to you...call your siblings forth. The three of you hold a power capable of putting a stop to this.
We must take what we need. Truly, we are utterly alone in this world. What remains depends on those here.
I ain't going to re-invent the wheel by explaining what's going on. We need to get as many of you kids to your home worlds as possible. Folks who don't have a home world to go to or who can't get home got t'make some alternate plans.
I'm going t'help as many of you get out of here as I can. I need a list of places that we can get to easily, so, if any of you can tell me whether you can get home without hassle, that would be an alright start.
If any of you can't leave this world, you can tell me that too. We, uh... there's plans bein' made to cover that eventuality too.
[He paused for a moment.]
Remember, survival is everything. Some of you are going to have to make some hard choices. Make 'em and don't look back. Making it through till tomorrow is what counts.
We got less than a month.
Let's get this done.
[Normally Gordon's little messages to the school at large are brief. Terse, is a better way to put it. A quick flick of the switch and a message that inkling ink may be non-toxic but that doesn't mean you should paint the lab specimens with it (For example.) and a quick flick of the switch off again.]
[Not so today. The feed comes on and he stares at the camera, raking a hand through his hair and starting to mouth three silent beginnings to three different sentences before he actually finds one with a voice. There's something he wants to say, but no permutation of words will make it easier to hear.]
I've, uh... Students, faculty. No doubt you've noticed that the moon hasn't gone out of full for the past week or so, and in fact looks even bigger now. I've been taking some readings. The shift in the center of gravity of the moon-planet binary and parallax measurements tell me that it's... not just an optical illusion.
The moon has, somehow, left its orbit.
I only mentioned this to the security chief before now, because I wanted to be absolutely certain of my suspicions and of where the moon was actually headed. I would like to say that it'll just harmlessly slingshot around us and into the sun. I really, really wish I could say that, in fact I spent several nights trying to make the numbers work so I COULD say that... but I can't. There's no other way to plot the trajectory, other than directly at us.
[He picks up some papers, eyeballing them on the camera, making sure he this part straight.] Now... Apparently this has happened before. A world by the name of Termina actually survived the event, but they had four guardian giants that awoke and... [A mistrustful squint at the paper.] physically shoved the moon back into orbit. [He puts the paper down.]
Obviously we're a little light on sleeping giants. As a matter of fact, I have no damn clue how to fix this, or even if we can. The four masks are involved--and there ARE four--but it's anyone's guess as to how they are. What I do know is, if we don't do something, the moon will strike the earth, and every single living creature on this planet down to the last microbe might be eradicated.
If anyone knows anything about this or has ideas, now's the time to step up. You might just save more than just the school. Also... in the event that we CAN'T stop it, I advise everyone to start making plans for quick evacuation back to your homeworlds. If you know someone who doesn't have a homeworld or can't reach it, then consider taking them with you. They may have to start all over but trust me, if that moon hits, then any place will be better than here.
[Private, to Skull Kid]
Kid... I know you were there. Your student file is hazy on the details, but I know you were there in Termina when this happened the last time. I didn't mention your name earlier and I don't intend to, because when people are panicked they can do some awful things when names are dropped. But, we still need to know everything you know if we're going to keep this planet in one piece.
So what exactly happened there?
Hello, Smash Academy. My name is Rouge the Bat, and I'll be another security guard.
...Or at least I would be if there was even a school to guard!! What on Mobius happened here?! The place is a mess and half the buildings are rubble!! And what was that giant walking mountain?!
[Private to Eggman]
Wanton destruction? This sounds like one of your schemes, Eggman. But that didn't look like a robot. If it's not you destroying everything, then who is it? Any ideas?
[Private to Knuckles]
Hello, sweetie. Miss me?
((Could be a video call or a regular phone call. Rio can join in if Riwane connects him.))
[Upon seeing video footage of Jon's predicament, Chiyo has been alight with panic and fear. Her first instinct after contacting him was to ask her dear sister for help.]
SIS! SIS! HELP! JON'S IN TROUBLE! AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS.
[She's almost on the brink of tears and her labored breathing makes it evident that she's running.]
[There's a robot on the camera with two rather grotesque looking... heads? Both of them isolated in thick, futuristic-looking glass tubes for study.]
[For those unaware, Zero will fill them in:] These were left behind after the monsters in the lake and underground bunker were defeated. Their function is... unknown.
The results have come back from Dr. Freeman's lab, and as far as he can tell, these masks are extremely old... most likely ancient. Their exact age is unclear, but their composition matches no known substance. They are
Whatever they are, these... 'masks' are definitely connected to the anomalies happening in this city. If anyone else has come across clues in their investigations, or have any relevant knowledge, contact me. ( Private to security team and friends )
Blast it all, how do you video on this thing again? Damn you, contraption...
[It was Jon. His voice sounded harsher than normal. Raspier. He wasn't in frame properly, almost like he didn't want to be on camera at all.... which was entirely accurate. He didn't. But he wasn't going to be able to focus long enough to make a proper text post, either. And there were people he needed to tell. He took a deep breath and tried to steady himself once he figured out it was working.]
The moon isn't.... it's not normal. I can't change back. Which means I've got to stay off school grounds. Don't know how long this is supposed to go on but I'll be taking a sabbatical for the duration. I--
[A cracking noise as his hand squeezed the phone too tightly. A crack appeared across the video along with some pixilation of the feed.]
--I don't feel right. Sick the last few months. Maybe... precursor to this. Don't know. Maybe--Hngh!
[The phone fell from his hand, landing in gravel. He was in the Mountains of Convenience. As the phone landed, he could be seen doubled over in pain as his faculties dropped away again.]
[And then he was completely out of frame and you could sit here watching several minutes worth of nothing happening in the mountains before the feed automatically terminated.]
[[OOC: So, you can leave a response if you'd like - he'll probably find his phone during whatever moments of lucidity he can manage. Or, if you're crazy enough to want to meet a werewolf in the mountains, you can do that, too! He'll be here for a while, at least.]]
Hey! Who else popped outside to check out the eclipse last night?? Wasn't it crazy? What a huge blood moon! I've got some pictures if anyone wants to see!
Though, uh, actually, I guess you could just look out your window? It's sure not eclipsed, but it looks like the full blood moon is totally still out there.
Aren't these sorts of things only supposed to last a night?
[Seriously, the moon tonight was still hanging heavy and red
in the sky that next evening. And the next evening. And the... next... one? And...]
[When the camera came to life, Dr. Eggman was standing in what looked like a big empty warehouse, hands on his hips, eagerly gloating.]
OHOHOHO!! Greetings, all you little SNOTS! I hope you're enjoying the start of a brand new, even more miserable school year than the last!!
You may be asking yourself a few questions! "Doctor Eggman, why are you standing in a warehouse? Doctor Eggman, why do you look so lean and svelte? Doctor Eggman, how can I have a mustache half as amazing and luxurious as your own?" Well, to answer your first question, I have an important announcement! You see, after you MEDDLING CHILDREN blew up my airship, I've had a lot of time to rethink my life's path, evaluate where I stand, and where I want my life and career to go.
And I decided to BUILD A NEW ROBOT ARMY.
[He stepped back, revealing waves of new Badniks behind him as the camera panned.]
That bird attack a few days ago turned out to be the PERFECT opportunity for me! After rounding up a few hundred of the pests, I was able to get right back to work manufacturing more robots! So despite all of your efforts, you HAVEN'T STOPPED ME IN THE LEAST! NYAH NYAH! OHOHOHO!!!
[The feed ended. ...A moment later it turned back on.]
And to answer your other two questions, I've been taking spin classes, and conditioner is your friend.
[Then the feed ended again.]