I'm going to need some help here. I want to go out tonight. Alone. I need a... [Babysitter? Petsitter? Mary Poppins?]

[Sigh...]

Someone mind watching my men while I'm out? There's about... [pause while he does a headcount] ...a dozen of them. I swear their ranks keep growing, I don't know how.

Anyway, it's simple. Just make sure they're fed and watered. They're not so bad to have around, they're affectionate and will laugh at all your jokes. Just tell them to shut up if they get on your nerves.

Any takers? I guess I could throw in a twenty for the trouble.

[A disgruntled Ocelot appears on video. The reason for his irritable mood should be obvious; there's cake crumbs and frosting clinging to the front of his clothes. He's flicking away what he can with one hand while holding the screen with the other.]

We had a little... "accident" with my birthday cake.

[A pause.]

It tasted vile anyway. My men are obviously not trained in baking.

Where can I get a good cake right now?

I suppose introductions would be appropriate, now that the paperwork is done with...

[A tall, shirtless man with dishevelled blonde hair and cool eyes is on the other end of the feed. Dress codes? Pshaw, maybe later. His coat is just casually slung over the back of the chair. He seems restless, idly twirling the pen in his hand and shifting in his chair. When he speaks, it's with a careless British accent that sounds constantly sarcastic, somehow.]

Greetings, students and faculty! I am Liquid Snake, your new biology and public speaking teacher. What a bore... Ah, well. I suppose we do as we must.

Oh - and before I forget, this is a unique opportunity. Not since the Middle East have I found myself among such potential soldiers. Play nice, children. I'll be keeping an eye on you. If you're any good, perhaps I'll even be facing you on the battlefield...

[With a wicked little laugh, he turns it off.]

... I was advised to do one of these introduction things, so here we go. You better listen closely, because I'm not gonna repeat myself.

[And who wouldn't want to listen closely to such a manly, charismatic, raspy baritone.]

The name's Boss. Don't like it? That's your own problem. I'm formally a combat instructor and hunting guide, and I've joined your little academy as a guest teacher to [KIDNAP YOU ALL] check out how you do things around here. Always looking for new horizons, and all that.

I'll be teaching survival techniques, which encompasses a number of different interrelated subjects. If you sign up for my class, don't keep me waiting, don't slack off, and don't question my methods.

In other words, don't waste my time. You think you're good? Let's see it, then. [BIG BOSS HAS SPOKEN. And is really looking forward to punching a few cocky brats because he can. :D]

[Ocelot is not normally caught looking this disheveled. Appearance is everything when you want to show off... but he has been woken up early, and he's pissed about it.]

[He's not even in uniform yet. Instead, he's wearing cute animal-print pajamas. A few people in balaclavas mill about behind him, looking busy, though who knows what they're really doing.]

What is all that noise next door?! There better not be a party this early in the morning. Do any of you have any idea how thin these walls are?

[Never mind how often his room gets noisy with random meowing.]


((OOC: The portal room is right next to his room, so that's why he's complaining about noise. Anyone is welcome to reply! COME AT ME VISITORS. Or tag me on the log instead, whatever works.))

Hey hey hey!

Large man with the large face, I've got all naked and ready and I need you to come use the mew mew meow meow fast slow orange washing liquid and start to EXFOLIATE my glove.

... Did anyone else hear that meow in the Teachers' Dorms? That was really loud. I looked down the hall but didn't see anything. Didn't quite sound like a real cat though... Ivan, I hope to god that wasn't you.

Also glad that the Valentines ordeal is over with. I managed to avoid it but seems a lot of you went through some pretty bad stuff. ... For those who are in my class, don't think I'll go easy on you because of that.

( Private to Peach/Level 5 )