[Mary's much peppier than she was last time she addressed the network. Perhaps TOO peppy.]

Hey! What's everybody going to be for Halloween? It's really soon, right? ...I remember getting to go trick-or-treating last year! I dressed up and got a lot of candy and everything! It was my first time and it was really fun, so I can't wait to do it again! Especially now that I know how to do it the right way, hee hee.

Umm, what else...? Pumpkins! I want to cut out spooky faces on those! And since the leaves are falling, someone should make a big pile so we can jump in them! That one we don't need to wait for Halloween for, as long as there's enough leaves, right? I really like all the colours...

But I'm even more excited for Halloween than leaf piles!! I heard someone say once time works weird here, so does that mean we can make it go faster too? Someone do it!

[Voile has probably never looked so 'deadpan' when addressing the network, but in all honesty, it hasn't been the easiest time. In spite of raining donuts, which she went out of her way to avoid to the best of her ability.]

I have two things to bring up, which I'd meant to sooner, however wasn't sure when would be the right time.

I would like to host a contest for the end of this year, consisting of winter fashions, much the way the first contest was held. Based on various strengths of the competitors and featuring prizes this time around that will be more appropriate than some of what was offered previously.

For this, I'd like to enlist the assistance of one tall and somewhat muscular person, and one smaller, petite frame for some tailoring and advertisement purposes.

I'm also curious to know if there's anyone who continues to be interested in occasional Host Club gatherings. If so, I'd like to be responsible for those if no one has any objections.

SMASH ACADEMY! I GIVE YOU MY GREETINGS!

[The young man, centered in the camera frame, uniform freshly pressed, gives a sharp, deep bow. He fixes his audience with as piercing and earnest a gaze as he can manage.]

My name is Hajime Tanaka, and I have arrived here to provide moral and spiritual support to those of you residing here! You have faced brutal trials! You've been burdened with heart-rending struggles! However this may exhaust your mind, body, or spirit, I hope you may take my words as genuine: I am here to support you! Henceforth, none of your conflicts need be faced on your own. I am here to be used if needed! Simply call on me, and I'll be there!

[Just an instant's hesitation, a flash of discomfort. He can't believe he has to say this out loud, but he will. For the school. A deep breath:]

LET'S GO, FLAMING HOBOS!

[On the feed currently is one nun in full-blown battle armor. Her face looks a bit on the stern side, but she seems happy, more or less. At least she's wearing a good-natured smiled.]

Some of you may already know me, but to those of you who don't, hello! My name is Sister Helga Wilhelmina, but you all may call me "Sister Hel" or just "Sister" if you prefer. In addition to donating some of my time to helping Rhys in the infirmary, I will also be teaching Physical Education! I hope all of you are ready to work hard, because we don't accept slackers in my class. Sloth is a sin!

[At the word sin, Sister Hel's expression turns a bit more serious. Her smile is gone, replaced with a cold sternness. The kind of sternness that always means LECTURE TIME.]

Ah! And speaking of sin, that brings me to the next thing I wanted to discuss! I'm sure you've all noticed the doughnuts that have begone to run...er...float rampant around our lovely school! Most of you no doubt are enjoying them, but need I remind you all that gluttony is a sin? Besides! If you eat to much you will get sick, and as one of the school nurses I'm afraid I simply cannot let that happen! Your health is my top priority as a teacher, a nurse, and a nun. As such, any doughnut I find floating will be reduced to ash within seconds! It shouldn't take long at all for things to return back to normal, hahahahaha!

[And just to prove it, she points her mace in the direction of one floating doughnut near her and blasts it with a laser, thus...reducing it to ash instantly. Just like she said.

Wow.

The feed ends shortly after that, but Sister Hel can indeed be found around the school, blasting rogue doughnuts to oblivion. Feel free to contact her before or after that happens via the network, or just stumble across it actually happening.]

[Hello school, here is a new student. Said student doesn't realize he had his video option and looks contemplating on screen as he type up a post.]

No wait, that's not good.

[He scrunched up his face and deleted the text by pressing the backspace button long enough to create a momentum of silence. Only for it to be rather quickly followed by another rhythm of indecisive typing.

And then he deleted again to type up another post.

And again for one more time.

It'll stop soon, really.

Okay, he seems to be satisfied, judging from the look on his face.]

is this place any close to a town called mikage-cho

[YEAH THAT'S REALLY IT.]

[Hoo boy, has Mary ever had a lot on her mind since the whole dramaballs thing. Being literally tossed aside by someone you thought you could trust really does put a spin on your perspective. Here she is now, gaze downcast, looking like she's thinking hard about what she wants to say. But also looking like she's hoping being on the extra cute and vulnerable side might help make this easier.]

Um... Hey, everyone...

I had to think a lot about this. For a really long time, too! But I think I finally know what I have to do. And that's apologize.

Seth did a lot of bad things, and that fat guy too, and people are mad at them... But I did bad things too and I think people got mad at me for them. Even when they said I should stop I kept doing it because Seth told me to, and friends listen to each other... I... thought he was my friend. He wasn't.

So I'm... sorry. I'm really, really sorry! To Ai and Vianca and Red a...and Garry. And everyone.

I don't want to be bad, so... I'm going to try to be good, and then nobody can even be mad at me. and we can all be friends. Real ones. Okay?

[Admittedly setting this video up took a lot more time than the Boss would like to admit. Eletronics are Kinzie's job, she's got her cellphone and that's enough. But whatever, she's sitting in front of a teacher's desk in ambient lighting to make it official, as the chalkboard behind her has become a green screen.]

Alright, you've probably heard this speech before, but what the hell. I was never a fan of school. That's why stopped attending after first grade.

[Congrats this is one of your new teachers....?]

But the point is uh, fuck it. Staying in school is pretty great apparently or whatever.

[She doesn't care.]

Call me the Boss. I'm the leader of the Third Streets Saints. You might know us, or the Johnny Gat dolls, Saints Flow, time we saved Steelport from zombies or crazy military guys. Yeap, that's my crew. If you don't, go read a book or watch Gangstas in Space. Want a copy? I got a shitload if you need one.

[She crosses her legs. Let your imagination run wild of what happened here.]

So yeah. Teacher. Something. While we're both stuck here, I figured I'd bring to you excitement and promise nothing's gonna to be boring as far as I'm concerned. This is type of class I wish they had taught me instead of Math. I don't do boring. I'm also your to go gal if you need favors, guns, drugs...you name your price, I'll name mine.

That said, lemme give you a visual demonstration of what you should be expecting.

[She snaps her left hand dramatically as behind her, a video starts playing. At first she goes to speak more, but it's obvious even she hears the music. Mood ruined.]

Uh, Kunzie? That's not the right video.

[Silence. Boss stands up and yells offscreen at someone.]

KUNZIE! CHANGE THE CLIP! HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL THEM ABOUT MY AWESOME CLASSES WITH THE FUCKING SAFETY DANCE PLAYING IN THE BACK?

Alright, alright! Geeze.

[There's the sound of a scratch disc stopping before it switches to something a little more fitting. Sorta. And yes, a video is playing in the back. Hope you like sexy ladies (dressed in Saint's purple colors) doing various things such as "driving" "opening car doors" "slowly shooting guns with a lot of recoil in super slow mo" and "drinking Saints Flow".]

Yeah you see that? That could be you. Unless you're a guy, but that's okay, if you got the body for it, I can find you the outfit for it, honey.

Point is I'll be teaching [Air quotes] "Driver's Ed" [End air quotes] and [Also air quotes] "Urban Survival" [End air quotes]. Here's the deal, anyone who signs up gets an automatic G by which I mean automatic guns and as long as you don't get yourself killed you pass, cause hell if I know anything about teaching shit properly.

I hope you don't mind riding with a tiger either.

[Wait what does that even mean, is that literally?]

You know, I thought I was going to get bored out of my mind, but this place hasn't been too bad so far. Anyone know a good shooting range or a bar? Better yet, a bar with a shooting range.

[Your new teacher, everyone...but at least she's honest?]