More ugly news reports + one patronizing [video] message courtesy of Seth Richardson

[stay_classy_cat]

A casual Monday outing turned tragic when two men were brutally gunned down in front of Malo's Gun and Ammunition mart. The victims; Kaplan Stridehr and Marple Dethrris were found dead with a single Aperture-Brand Resolution Pellet to the head. A third victim, Hendorff Ditherrs, was found at the scene asphyxiated to death. All three of the victims regularly donated community service hours to the FLUDD orphanage and were cherished by their grieving families.

The murder suspects, Kiyotaka Ishimaru, Vivan Johnson, and Rick Johnson, all attend Smash Academy and have been interrogated at least once by the FDCPD. Rick has been hospitalized for the time being with life-threatening injuries, though his condition is stable. He will be questioned when he regains consciousness. It's unclear if his injuries were inflicted in self-defense, or by the other two Smash Academy students in the middle of the attack.

The Smash Academy students claim they were the ones who acted in self defense, but FDCPD has not reached a clear verdict yet to a very messy and terrible situation.

"It's not completely clear this was in self defense." says the police chief. "If you're not looking to kill, you don't put a bullet in someone's head."

Several eye witnesses to the attack also claim the smaller student, Vivian, was the one who open fired and murdered the victims, unprovoked. All three are on juvenile preemptive probation until further investigations are finished. It should be worth noting, again, these were non-human students of Smash Academy, a fighting school that accepts many different kinds of unnatural, humanoid creatures. They could still be considered dangerous despite the probation. Aperture Science is also being questioned for product deficiency, but has not returned any of our calls.

[Lakitu, an unnatural, humanoid turtle man, shuffles the papers on his desk and prepares for the next, possibly vaguely related news story.]

An abandoned church on the east side of the city was mysteriously engulfed in flames last night. Fire accelerants were noted in the area, suggesting that this was no accident. It's uncertain if this incident is related to the gun attack, but non-human terrorists are suspected given the target. If you have any important clues or tips to report, please call the FDCPD immediately.

It's truly terrible this historic building has been reduced to tinder and ashes. Residents are outraged and are calling for Martial law. Mayor Tabuu is taking this into consideration with rising rates of violence and crime, but states he is not likely to come to a decision or see any action result for a least a month, especially given the complicated nature of FDC. Martial law would necessitate the need for an outsourced, contracted military, and the Mayor wants to ensure he has the best for the job.

---

[video]

[Seth appears on video, close up and fiddling with the camera before settling in his seat, a grim expression on his face.]

In case you weren't aware about a certain fiasco that happened between Mary and Vianca a while ago, a new development has recently come to my attention, and I for one am ashamed. Shame on you!

Honestly, she's just a child and didn't know any better. That's no reason for anyone to go antagonize and bully her! I want to think better of our student body.

You're all so quick to turn a blind eye when that murderous swordsman returned to campus. You hardly bat an eyelash at knowing there's at least three new and different murder suspects residing right here! Have any of you even seen the news lately? They're right here, living amongst you all--murderers as your very neighbors. But the moment a naive little girl does something she didn't even know was wrong you ostracize her unfairly. I don't want to name names but you know who you are.

Everyone's double standards here are truly unsettling. You should all think on your sins.

[Ahem. He clears his throat and adjusts his collar, as if to clear out all that ~undignified emotional outpouring~]

Anyway, I apologize if any of that came across as harsh or blunt, and Mary's poor name shouldn't be dragged through the mud any longer. Mary has all my condolences, I wish her the best and above all that this doesn't happen again. That was a while ago anyway--old news. She should know better by now.

I'll see to it personally.

Comments

[testgasm]

[oh

oh you poor sweet summer child]

It's hard-wired into her system, mate. She's quite literally a killing machine. Programmed that way. S'what turrets do. Rick's not much better, if we're being honest.

[forgetbeam]

[Yeah he's already regretting it. TIME TOOOO keep a lid on these pesky feeling things.]

...I should have refused to let them go into the city.

[So many should-haves. HA...]

Whatever consequences do come of this, I will stand and face them.

[testgasm]

They're not your responsibility. And it's--it's not your fault she's programmed like that. I'm sure the authorities will come to that conclusion sooner or later.

[forgetbeam]

...She is my responsibility. I may not have programmed her, but I did vow to overcome that programming! But I... failed...

[And he has to stop coming back to that thought. Nothing's going to come of it.]

We will see what conclusion is reached.

[It's REALLY WEIRD to have to wait more than like two hours to reach a verdict in a murder case. And kind of nerve-wracking because everything has time to sink in.]

[testgasm]

That's what I'm trying to tell you. You don't just overcome your programming, you--

[Oh. Wait.]

You're built that way. And that's the end of it. You want her to overcome her programming, you'd have to quite literally get inside her head. S'cold hard code, mate.

[forgetbeam]

...You mean reprogramming her entirely, don't you?

[That's the thing he wanted to avoid. He so stubbornly told everyone who suggested it to fuck off, only not in those words of course, but now...]

[testgasm]

I was, uh. Going to say that we all just accept that she's literally designed to kill humans and get on with our lives.

Who's reprogramming!?

[forgetbeam]

Several people have told me she should be either destroyed or reprogrammed exactly because of that.

If... that truly is the case... and there is no way to train her to stop this... I won't see her destroyed.

[testgasm]

[NO

WHAT

NO]

Oh, no, no, nono, you can't--they'll be reprogramming every AI they find, once they've got it in their heads to do something like that.

[forgetbeam]

What? No, they wouldn't do something like that! None of the others have done anything!

[Then again, people who haven't done anything are the ones suffering most out there. Shoot. That would put Alter Ego at risk, too.]

I won't let anything like that happen here!

[testgasm]

[and again

you poor sweet summer child]

Yeah? You sure about that? When the authorities step in and start reprogramming every AI they can get their hands on?

[forgetbeam]

Are you really so sure that would happen? Don't let your imagination get carried away...!

[testgasm]

Pffft, imagination? Seen it happen, mate. S'what always happens when robots start doing things humans don't like.

[forgetbeam]

There's got to be a way to prevent that...! After all, none of the other machines here have done anything that anybody could see as threatening!

...By the way, what did the reprogramming do when you saw it happen?

[testgasm]

Doesn't matter to them.

Depended on what they were going for, really. Taking things out, putting them in, altering personalities, trying to change things so they were less dangerous.

[forgetbeam]

But what if it's just the part that makes them dangerous?

[He's... trying to remember what technical terms he might have picked up that might fit the situation, but he's just drawing a blank. (Note to self: get cracking on that programming textbook as soon as this call's over, because surely there will be no further interruptions.)]

If the only change is that her response isn't to shoot people...

[testgasm]

Who's to say they'll stop with that?

[forgetbeam]

I...

[Can't say that. OH NO.]

I will... figure this out! Nothing that bad will befall the machines here, I promise you!

[Gosh Wheatley for some naked guy you sure care a lot about robots. You must be a pretty good guy despite being annoying as hell.]

[testgasm]

[Super invested

in robots.]

Yeah, you say that now, but uh--

You know what? Let's just see how this plays out.

[forgetbeam]

You're right. There's no use in just worrying about it!