006 [AUDIO]

[testgasm]

[Hello friends, please enjoy this cheerful British voice. Wheatley sounds especially cheerful today. What could he possibly be so happy about?]

So! I'm pretty sure Rick is--Rick is dead, which is great news, if you knew him. Went down to the bunkers, last I heard, didn't come back. Probably a good indication that he is--that he is, in fact, dead.

[Oh.]

It's all right, it's all right, go ahead, breathe that sigh of relief, no one's--no one's going to judge you, trust me, we all felt the same way about that tosser.

But, uh, if you were friends with him, for some ungodly reason that I can't possibly fathom, I'm, ah. Sorry for your loss. If you didn't know him, well, let's just say you're better off. Good riddance to bad rubbish, if you ask me.

Comments

[golonghorns]

Rick. Was that some, uh, robot guy? Ball shaped, big green eye. Might'a been stuck up in a tree out in the woods for some reason back in February?

[testgasm]

Oh, yeah, that's him. About time, right?

[golonghorns]

Didn't know the guy well enough to care one way or the other.

[He seemed fun. Though Joel had spent the entirety of their conversation assuming Rick was a remote control surveillance mechanism of some kind. It was only later he found out that robots were students and faculty here.]

But when you say 'die' you mean he... what? Ran outta juice? Went into 'sleep mode' or somethin'? He WAS a robot, right?

[testgasm]

Yeah, well, he was pretty much the worst.

I'm assuming he's dead, as he went down to the bunkers and didn't come back. Dead dead. For-real dead.

[golonghorns]

Maybe I'm just showin' my age here, but so far as I'm aware, Robots don't die. I mean, get smashed up or deactivated or whatever. But can't he just be rebuilt?

[testgasm]

Oh, no, we can die. I mean, if my hard drive got destroyed, that would be it! There's only--only one of me.

[golonghorns]

So whoever made you just produced one? There ain't some assembly line someplace pumping out a bunch of this year's model of... whatever it is you are, exactly.

[testgasm]

Well, yes. I'm one of a kind, and I don't think--I don't think I'm fond of the idea of more than one of me.

[golonghorns]

So the folks who made you just made one? Why?

[audio]

[liberatedempath]

Did you and Rick not get along, or something? You sound like you have some hostility toward him.

Re: [audio]

[testgasm]

Uh, I don't know where--where you've been, but he's always been pretty much the worst.

Re: [audio]

[liberatedempath]

Oh, I don't know about that. I thought he was an okay guy. Maybe not as cool as you, but still okay.

[testgasm]

Eh, he was probably all right to you because you're a pretty lady. He likes those. Liked. Them. Past tense, because he's dead.

[liberatedempath]

It's true that he was usually very nice to me. I guess because I'm a pretty lady.

[Cuing Wheatley thinking she's pretty, a sentiment she didn't expect to discover.]

You keep saying he died, but he was a robotic unit, like you. Is 'dying,' really the word to be used for that? Shouldn't it be 'malfunctioned' or 'broke'?

[testgasm]

Yes, well, we can die. I mean, if someone were to smash up my hard drive, it's not like I've got back ups lying about, so I'd consider that--I'd consider that dead.

[liberatedempath]

I guess you could say that. I didn't think about that before. There's no repairing something that broken up.

Is that what happened to Rick? Did someone step on him and do him in? I bet it was a girl in those wedge shoes. Those always come out in the summertime with the fashion trends.

[testgasm]

I don't know, he just sort of disappeared into the bunkers, and I certainly don't care enough to go looking for him.

[audio]

[makesithot]

...Rick? Dead?

[His tone was disbelief. But then, it turned into frustration and anger.]

Stop joking, Wheatley! Rick can't die and you know it! If you can't die like you told me, he can't die, either!!

[How dare you joke about his friends dying]

Re: [audio]

[testgasm]

What? We can die! When did I ever tell you that we can't die? Because, uh, last I checked, we could die.

Re: [audio]

[makesithot]

Good to know! I'll remember that for next time I see you!

[testgasm]

Wh--hey! I didn't kill him, if that's what you're implying!

[makesithot]

Well I know Rick's not dead! I won't believe you! Liar!

[testgasm]

Okay, uh, then where's he gone?

[makesithot]

Not... Not dead, that's for sure. Rick wouldn't just die. That's how I know!

[testgasm]

Well, ah. He did. He just died.