006 [AUDIO]

[testgasm]

[Hello friends, please enjoy this cheerful British voice. Wheatley sounds especially cheerful today. What could he possibly be so happy about?]

So! I'm pretty sure Rick is--Rick is dead, which is great news, if you knew him. Went down to the bunkers, last I heard, didn't come back. Probably a good indication that he is--that he is, in fact, dead.

[Oh.]

It's all right, it's all right, go ahead, breathe that sigh of relief, no one's--no one's going to judge you, trust me, we all felt the same way about that tosser.

But, uh, if you were friends with him, for some ungodly reason that I can't possibly fathom, I'm, ah. Sorry for your loss. If you didn't know him, well, let's just say you're better off. Good riddance to bad rubbish, if you ask me.

Comments

[testgasm]

Just goes to show you, right?

[He puts his hands on his hips. He's still incredibly naked, please enjoy his ginger dong.]

I don't do it--do it often, though. It's sort of uncomfortable, as you might imagine.

[golonghorns]

You, uh. You got any pants?

[He won't. He won't enjoy that ginger dong. Not gonna happen.]

It's uncomfortable? I guess feeling anything at all must be a pretty... novel experience.

[testgasm]

Uh.

[Hang on, he's looking around.]

Not...here, at the moment, no. And, I mean, it's not really novel anymore, but I don't think fluids will ever stop being unpleasant.

[golonghorns]

Unpleasant how? Drinking them or.... uh. Un-drinking them?

[testgasm]

I mean all you humans do is--is produce fluids. That's what I mean.

[golonghorns]

We do other things. Plenty of other things.

[...well OK. Producing fluids was a standard mainstay of being a Human Being. He really couldn't fault Wheatly for that observation.]

There must be something you like about being a flesh and blood creature instead of a robot.

[testgasm]

[He doesn't even have to think about this one.]

Pizza. And thumbs. Good invention, thumbs, but now I've got a chassis with thumbs, so I guess the only good thing is being able to eat pizza.

[golonghorns]

You got good taste. You can't really go wrong with pizza.

Oh, and thumbs, I guess. I'm partial to mine.