smashacademy | [TEXT / ACTION] all all apologies

[It had been a long month of ups and downs. Mostly downs. While Hajime was able to pull Kiyotaka out of a state of self-loathing depression after his failure to bring about change to the school and subsequent removal from the Disciplinary Committee, the drawn-out tantrum that followed was a complete trainwreck for anyone unfortunate enough to come across "Ishida." But the raging emotions had taken their toll on him mentally while the few intense fights he got into wore him down physically, and eventually young Vivian finally talked him down from the brink of virtual insanity, still believing in him even after his attempts to push her away.

The first thing he did when he parted ways with his former partner was crash in one of the temporary dorms for half a day. Then he grabbed whatever he could from the cafeteria and filled his stomach, though it took a lot less to get the job done than it felt like he was going to need. Full and somewhat-rested, but still sore and emotionally exhausted, he sat alone in what used to be the Disciplinary Committee's meeting room with his hands folded on the table in front of him, in deep reflection for well over an hour.

He needed to apologize to people, that much was certain. It was also a sure thing that an apology wasn't enough, and he feared that there was no way to even begin mending the damage he'd done with certain people. But... he had to try. That was all he could do. Even if he had no idea how, there was no way he could just sit and do nothing. He was through running away; he settled on that much when he stopped hiding behind Ishida.

If only the people he most wanted advice from weren't among those he needed to speak to in the first place.

Just how many people did he need to reach out to, anyway? His memories of the past month were clouded by anger and regret, the things that broke his heart most standing out a lot more than some smaller incidents which no doubt were in just as much need of atonement. The network seemed like a good start, he decided. Efficient and wide-reaching.

And so, from a terminal in the library:]

I understand that there is no excuse for my recent behaviour. I will do everything in my power to make up for any trouble I have caused.

I must also announce that I am no longer a hall monitor or the head of the Disciplinary Committee. This has been the case for several weeks. Do not think that means that you have free reign to cause chaos.

[Yeah, but chaos is gonna happen anyway, AS USUAL.

Anyway, with that done, he lingers in the library for a little while before beginning the trek back to his dorm. He's been dreading going back for the first time since Valentine's Day, but it can't be avoided any longer. Unless he runs into someone else along the way.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[MAYBE YOU DESERVED IT]

I wanted to give you the rest of the chocolates but I ate them.

All at once? That is not healthy for you.

Neither is doing...whatever you did!

I know.

Let me make this up to you.

Okay, because I've never done Valentine's really but I'm pretty sure it wasn't supposed to go like that!

What did you have in mind?

I am not sure. What would you like?

I should also speak to you in person about something.

I think you should decide.

Sure, okay.

[AND THEN

KNOCK KNOCK]

[HE WASN'T EXPECTING THAT SO SOON AHHH

He still looks pretty beat when he opens the door, even if by this point he should be more than well rested, damn it. Now that the door's open he's not even sure if he can bring up what he wants to ask, or if it's even worth it or anything.]

A...Asahina, that was fast. I worried you might not even want to see me.

[NOPE TOO BAD GIRLFRIEND TIME. She does not, however, enter the room, standing outside it with her arms folded.]

No, I'm...I want to make sure you're back to normal. You are back to normal, right?

[NO. HIS LIFE WILL NEVER BE NORMAL AGAIN. Not that it ever really was, but...]

I am definitely in a more stable frame of mind, if that's what you mean...!

[STILL FOLDED ARMS. STILL MILDLY DISPLEASED, but at least a little relieved when she hears that.]

Of course that's what I mean! What happened?

I don't know how to describe it... It... I felt like I was such a failure, it would be better to become somebody else. That's no excuse, and even now it sounds completely ridiculous, but--!

[But it was so easy, because he knows for sure now he did it before. But he's pretty sure he wasn't nearly as shitty the first time. ~~DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO BE.~~

Anyway, he doesn't want to be this open with someone who TOYED WITH HIS EMOTIONS, however justified.]

You don't need to pretend to care!

[YEAH THAT'S UH. Not really what happened last time, bro. You're so confusing why are you so confusing.]

What do you mean? I'm not pretending! I really want to make sure you're all right!

Well, you've done that, and Oowada isn't in, so you are free to go.

[MR. MATUREPANTS.]

[wow

W O W]

I'm not here to see Oowada, I'm here to see you.

[YEAH THAT'S RIGHT

or

well

Yeah, he's being a bit of a BIG BABY maybe he should make himself stop. It's not very productive of him otherwise.]

Well... I am fine. Thank you. I won't allow anything like that to happen again, so you don't need to worry.

[Yeah you BIG BABY.]

Why wouldn't I worry?

[At least he's not the one in daycare...]

Why do you? After what I did, you hated me!

[SHSL Conclusion Jumper.]

I would not want to waste time on me, either!

[This is the hard part, though--what happens after you've hurt each other?]

I don't hate you...

You don't?

[He seems more surprised than any functional human being ought to be. His best friend already cut him loose, it should only make sense that his girlfriend would too.]

Then... you should know that I don't hate you either! Even with how I acted, what I did, what I drove you to do after... I still like you a lot!

Of course not!

[What she doesn't say, of course, is that it scared her the first time and it scared her this time, too, and it scares her that it might happen again. That there might not be anything she can do about it.]

I still care about you!

[That same fear's hanging over his head like a cloud he just can't ignore. All he can do is promise himself he won't let it happen again. No matter what.]

Then... Does that mean that you and I are...

[He's not really sure how to find the words, here.]

...okay?

[He wishes something could be.]

[She appears to consider this for a moment--Aoi has never been particularly good at not wearing her emotions on her sleeve, but after apparently (and very visibly) mulling it over, she just as visibly seems to shake it off and reassure herself.]

Of course we're okay!

[It's only partially the truth--he's done this twice, now, and there's no telling when it might happen again.]

Just promise me you won't do that any more!

Of course I won't!! I'll never let myself hurt anybody like that again, I swear it!

[But promises are dangerous and particularly hard to keep. But he'll do whatever it takes to make sure Ishida is dead and buried.

~~get yamada's help or something with that, you know~~]

Okay.

[She rubs her eyes and nods, trying to believe him. Ultimately, she decided it was easier not to think too hard about it, leaning in for a tentative kiss, hoping to reassure him as much as she needed to reassure herself.]

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forgetbeam - 2014-04-11 23:29 (UTC) - Expand