smashacademy | [video] DRAMABALLS AWAY

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[video] DRAMABALLS AWAY

[RIIIIING. RIIIIIING. RIIIIIIIIIIIING.

What little asshole pulled the fire alarm? Who knows, but after about 30 minutes of being herded to and milling around on the grass, it's announced that this was likely a prank since there's no discernible fire anyone can identify. It's safe to return back to your dorm rooms, and REMINDER; DON'T PULL THE FIRE ALARM AS A PRANK OR YOU WILL GET DETENTION!!! Seems like another ordinary day at Smash Academy, right?

No, there's something a little more ominous in the air...]

Attention, Smash Academy. This is Mayor Tabuu speaking.

[Whoa, something must be really important for him to address Smash Academy's network specifically.]

Eggman is a filthy liar. He's betrayed all of you! The insipid, fat, lumbering oaf is abusing his power and must be stopped.

[Wait... didn't... Tabuu authorize Eggman into Martial Law? Since when has Tabbuu used such flowery insults? SOMETHING WEIRD IS GOING ON.]

He's turned against you, and is robotisizing your own kind! Eirika's been missing from our--your fair academy and this is why! She's been kidnapped by him and was robotisized! If he's not stopped--

[BZZZTTTT--KSSSSHHHHH--! Suddenly, static! WE ARE INTERRUPTING THIS FEED FOR A VERY IMPORTANT HIJACK...]

ATTENTION, SMASH ACADEMY! Listen close and listen well! I am Dr. Ivo Robotnik, the world's greatest genius, and YOUR SAVIOR! I come to you with DIRE NEWS... Your beloved Mayor Tabuu is a FRAUD! An IMPOSTER, created to impersonate him and deliver this city into the hands of your REAL nemesis! Not I, my subjects, someone FAR worse than me!

I speak, of course, of one SETH RICHARDSON! Yes, your friend Seth has been a VERY busy boy this past year! the DRUGGED LOLLIPOPS he's been feeding into the city have caused no end of trouble for everyone! But that's not the LEAST of his crimes... No, with the money he's made from the drugs he's sold, he's created POKEBALLS capable of capturing ANYONE, even HUMANS! And replacing them with PERFECT DUPLICATES, completely subservient to his will!!

I have done my utmost to PROTECT you, to keep you SAFE from the madness Seth's machinations have wrought! And now it's time to STAND UP and TAKE YOUR LIVES BACK!!

Me? That's laughable, truly laughable! How desperate must you be to point fingers at someone such as me, you insipid, fat, lu--bloated worm! Who's honestly going to believe you with your track history? Who could've forgotten your ridiculous and stupid Incredible Interstellar Amusement Park? Or that time you tried to eat everyone's history? Face it, you've had your fun and your time is up. Tabuu wants you out and so does everyone else. If anything we should be standing up and rising against YOU!

Besides, where did you even get all this nonsense about me? I'd like to see some evidence, if your tiny, feeble, cotton-filled brain can comprehend that.

Oh, you're going to EAT those words, you smug, freckle-faced punk! You see, I got all this information from a rather reliable source. Our mutual friend Ulki, who happened to overhear your discussion with your SUPPLIERS, filled me in on ALL the juicy details he overheard. He even brought a little surprise. But don't take MY word for it...

[The camera pans to the side. Ulki is there, flanked by two Badniks. In his hand is the stolen Catball.]

See for YOURSELF.

[Seth stares blankly at the screen, even paling a little bit. Mary... He'll kill her! He'll kill her a million times over. Seth manages a twisted smile but resolve is cracking. He's sure Eggman isn't trustworthy and he could convince everyone else of that, but the bird...]

Ha... ha ha ha! So what? That could be a rock with a pawprint on it for all any of the lot of you know!

[Ulki looks hardly so convinced. ]

Shall we open it then? Besides, [He spins the ball around in his hand, showing the pawprint that was previously obscured.] How could you have known that?

[Seth is brilliantly caught in his own lie, worse yet, he still jumps too eagerly at the chance to cover it up.]

No! Don't! [His lips twitch and his smile is a bitter one, forced and seething.]--You don't know what that would do... do you? You might push a wrong button and hurt whoever's inside. I wouldn't put it past either of you, given your penchant for blatant idiocy anyway.

[Camera pans back to Eggman.] HURT whoever's inside? Now there's an interesting thought... Since when has letting a Pokemon out of their ball HURT them? Now I'm DOUBLY curious to see what's inside! Or would you rather just CONFESS?

Why don't you confess to being unwanted? You're an utter failure at everything you do! None of your plans has ever worked and for good reason: they're dumb. Your fiancé could have picked so much better.

[WISE AND MATURE WORDS FROM SETH RICHARDSON.]

YOU'RE GOING TO REGRET BRINGING HER INTO THIS, YOU PONCE!!

Now hear this, everyone! I am calling for the ARREST of Seth Richardson! Soon my robots will arrive at the academy gates to assume control of the school until he is IN CUSTODY. Submit, and you will be spared. Resist, or otherwise interfere with my efforts, and you will be ARRESTED and ROBOTISIZED INTO MY ARMY!! THIS IS YOUR ONLY WARNING!!

[Seth makes a grande display of open arms, smugly psychotic grin plastered on his face as if to say, "Dare ye cometh at me, sir?" The fact Eggman just declared robot season open is just as bad as the next line out of him:]

You have no control over me. I'd sooner die then let my plans be interfered by a corpulent, tactless, wretched ignoramus such as yourself! I'll take what's rightfully mine from you whether you and your bushy, unkempt mustache like it or not. [He makes a fist at the screen.] Considering you an equal gentleman would be an insult, so instead of proposing a fair and just duel, I'll promise you this: If you so much as show your face around here or FDC and get in my way, I'll fucking rip you apart!

[WAIT HE'S NOT DONE YET--Seth ducks out of the screen just a moment an returns with something around his neck. Yes it's Flurrie's ~~big balls~~ necklace he's fingering coyly.]

Oh, and tell Flurrie if she wants these back she can come and get them. They're not quite my size.

[Eggman's hands clench into fists of rage.]

YOU... WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, YOU'LL SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE SCRUBBING FLOORS AS A CLEANING BOT!!

I quiver with fear!

YOU WILL BE!!

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So, Bowser was in his clowncar. He was passing by when he saw Robotnic with... whoever that was. Catman. With Catman down there dithering on about something or other. Who knows what.

But it looked interesting and likely to turn into some light popcorn snacking, so he hoisted out a camera and started rolling. He'd asked a couple of Laiktus to come in (okay told a couple of Lakitus to come in) to get some different angles. Bowser, meanwhile, was going to have fun with narrating whatever he saw happening below. And broadcasting it to the entire town just so that Flurrie could see her stupid fiancee get into a stupid fight.

Petty? Yes, very.

"So Catman down there, I think he used to run that stupid club where boys dressed up as cute girls or something, has been hitting up the gym or eating lots of protein bars or is all hopped up on star power or whatever, and is dicking around going all 'oh look at me I'm not wearing any shirt anymore because I have so many muscles I'm cool' when everybody knows that he's a chump. I can't remember his name. It's not important, because he's a chump. He likes to wear women's accessories. Hideous women's accessories. DID YOU HEAR THAT FLURRIE?" Bowser swung the camera around to his own face. "YOU HAVE TERRIBLE TASTE." The camera swung back around to the fight and centered on Eggface McButterpants. "Also: Robotnik is fat."

This was clearly some hard-hitting journalism. Stay tuned, kids.

Eggman decided that this fight called for a more... personal touch. After all, it was just one freckle faced fop, what trouble could he be? And so, Eggman, riding his Egg Walker hovered down to the rooftop to engage his foe.

"Well well! Finally decided to face the music, did you?! Well, it's high time I--"

Oh. What was this. What was even going on.

"You don't look at all well," he said.

Edited 2013-08-28 05:22 (UTC)

"Quite the contrary!" He spat, his exclamation ending on a less-human-and-more-feline sounding growl. "I've never felt more alive." Seth was going to give him as much trouble as he could muster up here.

"You'll never know what it feels like to have this raw power coursing through your veins!"

"And if you don't surrender now, I might just have to spill all that 'raw power' of yours across this rooftop," Eggman angrily taunted.

"How very feline you look now, Seth. Perhaps there's something you haven't been telling us... But here's something you should know."

The laser cannon on the Egg Walker sprung to life, locking on to Seth.

"I HATE CATS."

He fired his first volley.

He should hate them for good reason as cats could be infuriatingly nimble. Seth bounded off on all fours away from the laser cannon, zig-zagging as he went to try and evade fire. He was going to go right for the heart of the matter, and took a brazen leap right on top of the Egg Walker once he zig-zagged close enough. Such proximity might be more dangerous, he realized, but he was feeling very dangerous himself.

"What a shame!" He sing-songed like a gleeful maniac as he slammed his paws on the see-through bubble of the cock pit. "I hope you're not allergic!"

He started dragging his nails down the glass, wondering just how much of the high-pitched creaking cracking sounds Eggman could take, or how much it would take ~~three hits right~~ before it shattered.

"There's a lot you don't know about me."

Grrr... This would be more annoying than he thought. But at least Seth's brazen attack put himself in prime position for another ace up Eggman's sleeve.

"A pity soon it won't matter," Eggman taunted, pressing a button on his console.

A hatch opened up in front of the Egg Walker. Seth was punched off by an honest to god mechanical boxing glove. This put Seth in prime position for Eggman to strafe around him and fire with all weapons. Bazooka blasts from front, and more homing lasers from above.

That just happened; loud comical BOING! and everything. Seth literally just got punched in the gut by a boxing glove. He flew back to the ground but landed on his feet as cats wont to do.

"Are you kidding me?" He coughed, snarling at how it knocked with wind out of him. At least it wasn't his beautiful face--that being was his least favorite body part to see injury, and it had seen it once this day already. "Seriously? That's so childish! So droll!"

He was ready to fire back with more pompous insults but found himself being fired at (literally) first. He took to running around again, claws scraping and skidding across concrete as he found it frustratingly difficult to get close to Eggman again.

It wasn't like he didn't have some longer-ranged attacks in his moveset, but problem was he'd have to stand still a second or two to perform them. Fine. So be it. He was sure he ~~had plenty of HP~~ could take some hits in his pumped up body. Seth braced himself as missiles and lasers finally collided with their target. Catman yowled and was quickly obscured in a big dust cloud of an explosion.

Bowser, meanwhile, was laughing his tail off after that boxing glove that popped out of the Eggamajig.

"I don't know what that was but I love it," said Bowser. "I need one of those. I need five."

"HEY ANYBODY," shouted Bowser to the two guys fighting below. "I'LL GIVE YOU A THOUSAND GOLD COINS IF YOU START HITTING EACH OTHER WITH PIES."

Bowser wasn't going to give anyone a thousand gold coins.

Edited 2013-08-28 23:29 (UTC)

~~Eggman threw a pie at Seth.~~

The rooftop was covered in smoke from explosions and the hail of fire Eggman launched at Seth. When he couldn't see his target anymore, Eggman ceased fire, cackling. "OHOHOHO! Had enough, you pest?!"

Seth stuck his head out from the dust cloud.

And fired a laser beam at Eggman.

From his forehead.

"WHAT?!" Eggman shouted as the blast struck his Egg Walker, knocking it back and leaving a nice dent in the front armor. "HOW DARE YOU?!" he shouted angrily, getting the robot back to its feet as he took aim and tried to establish a target lock on Seth again. "I can see you need ANOTHER LESSON!"

"And Catman fires a laser out of his face at Eggman," announced Bowser. "Because that makes sense."

"Eggman's mustache is quivering with shock and rage and incontinence. I'd make an 'egg on his face' comment but it makes itself," he added, making the comment anyway.

Bowser's witty commentary was paid little heed by Seth as him and his foe continued the fight. Back and forth they went; laser beams and missiles between Power Gems and Thunder Bolts between childish retorts and scathing insults. Getting too close to the building rooftop would prove to be an arduous and dangerous affair.

The longer the fight went on, the more erratic and feral Seth's attack patterns became. His body pulsed and seemed to struggle staying in a more consistent form, sometimes obviously painful, other times obviously pleasurable. He even dared to take a lighting-filled potshot at Bowser if he tried to get a close up, laughing like a psychotic douche as he did.

As Bowser was tossed lightning at, he was displeased by this set of affairs.

"SOMEBODY DUMP A BOX OF SPINY EGGS ON HIM, NOW" he shouted at one of the Lakitu cameramen who were hovering about for other angles. "NOBODY THROWS LIGHTNING AT THE KOOPA KING AND GETS AWAY WITH IT."

A group of valiant paratroopas, carrying a large crate, dumped its contents over WarSethen's head.

Eggman was getting quite tired of this.

And by this, he meant Bowser's color commentary. Not insults directed at Seth, but towards himself? That would just not do. So during a moment when he had Seth on the defensive, Eggman grabbed a microphone on the Egg Walker's console and mumbled an order into it, punctuating it with a loud "YOU HEARD ME! JUST DO IT!" before returning to raining lasers and bombs on his foe.

A short while later, a pair of Egg Robos flew up towards Bowser's clown car. They each held an arm of Princess Peach, carrying her up with them.

One of the robots addressed Bowser. "Your Highness. Doctor Robotnik presents you with this gift, with his compliments."

Seth resisted the urge to play with the ball-like toys that were dropped in his vicinity. He also resisted the urge to hiss and spit at all these infernal distractions. WHERE did SHE come from?!

WHAT WAS SHE DOING HERE?

WHY WAS ROBOTNIK GIVING HER TO BOWSER?

He couldn't be arsed to figure it out, Seth just wanted to rip Eggman a new one. Once he was able to break out of the defensive hold Eggman had on him, he charged forward again with a mighty roar with another brazen leap (mindful to try and avoid the last known hidden area of boxing-glove devices) on top of the Egg Walker. It might have been even more apparent by now his physical form was more monstrous and cat-like than at the start of the fight. He was even drooling purple.

"DON'T YOU IGNORE ME YOU FAT OAF!" Claws and pummeling intensified. "I'M GOING TO BRING AN END TO THIS. EVERYTHING YOU'D NEVER BE ABLE TO ACHIEVE. TRUE PEACE AND HARMONY BY RETURNING EVERYTHING TO ZERO!"

The Egg Walker had trouble shaking Seth off this time, but Eggman still had a few tricks to play. As long as Seth was busying himself with the front armor of the Egg Walker, Eggman was safe. He pointed the homing laser down to try and fire at Seth point-blank. "Oh, are YOU STILL HERE?" he taunted. "You're starting to sound like that Cyrus oaf! I HATE HIM TOO!"

"Cyrus?!" He bellowed with the utmost indignance. "Don't compare me to that fool. He's all talk and no ACTION!"

Vaguely aware he was being lined up for a point blank shot, Seth continued to feircely hold onto and try to scratch through Eggman's transparent safety bubble. So assured of his own victory, he would take all of the point blanks. He could take it especially so he could ramble psychotically in Eggman's face.

"He's too TRANSPARENT! No one suspected sweet little old me. No one knew any better. I fooled even YOU! I bet you don't even know my REAL NAME." He sneered, pressing his nose up against the glass, as if he could lick/bite off Eggman's face through it.

"Oh yes hee hee haa ha ha--you fell for Mayor Tabuu, HA HA, like a Slowpoke falling to a Rocket grunt's blade! Like MY Rocket grunts! My plan is PERFECT! Team Rocket will rise back into glory and I won't let you take what's rightfully mine. I'm perfect for this!"

Seth, darling, no... you're batshit crazy. And drooling/bleeding purple even more all over the Egg Walker.

Edited 2013-09-04 06:36 (UTC)

"WHAT'S TEAM ROTTEN?" Bowser bellowed as Princess Peach was in his clown copter against her will. "SOUNDS LIKE A BUNCH OF FAT CHUMPS, SORT OF LIKE YOU."

Bowser turned the camera back on himself, and said in a Very Serious Tone, "Catman is clearly insane; I believe he has syphilis and it has finally reached his brain, driving him mad. He's talking about Team Rotten, which is clearly a terrible name for a team of any sort. He would probably require years of psychiatric help to get him back to being like some sort of normal person that didn't blow chunks, if he weren't already doomed from, again, it seems clear, the syphilitic fever that is eating away at his brain stem at this very moment. He probably got it from Princess Daisy."

"Team Rocket?!" Eggman declared. "Ah, suddenly the pieces are all falling into place!"

Finally, his shot was lined up, and he fired his laser right into Seth to shoot him off of the Egg Walker. "I must admit, you've done quite a good job of deceiving everyone around you! The students, the faculty, those children you conned into selling your drugs for you... I admit, even I was taken in! But you could never HOPE to be as brilliant and clever as ME, you mangy cat!"

He stomped back, locking targets on Seth, grinning past the visor of his walker. "You got SLOPPY. You let your fake Tabuu give me all this authority! You underestimated what kind of plans I would come up with for this city! You even LET YOURSELF BE OUTED BY THAT HAWK! Face it. You're nowhere near as PERFECT as you think. And if YOU'RE the best that Team Rocket has to offer? I PITY them!"

The lasers plowed right into his back, point black. He screamed, shadowbugs scrambling to figure out what to do in his injured body as he tried to will them to do something useful. Muscles spasmed painfully and his body quivered and threatened to shift in and out of either form. Amazingly he held on, sharp claws dug firmly in the hull of the Egg Walker, until his hands became human-like briefly. It was enough to finally dislodge him.

On the ground, red and purple liquid pooled out of his back, but it didn't take him long to get back up on his feet, seemingly larger in size now. He was slowly drawing shadowbugs out of the air from a few select clones on the ground into his body, not caring that he probably couldn't physically take much more. Greed and blind determination kept him going. The hulking werecat's entire body ached, yet he persisted and sneered at his adversary.

"I'm the best and the worst Team Rocket has to offer since they wouldn't even exist anymore without me." He spat, doing his best to ignore all the faults that were just pointed out.

"I was just a low-level grunt, an experiment on an experimental Technical Machine. TM Transform. Oh yes--the very thing that's given rise to all the fascinating hybrid humanization here in Final Destination City came from unethical experiments done on me, by Team Rocket."

"Nghn... Just think of the irony--all the drug riots, all the segregation and violence between man and beast, between flesh and metal. I just proved no one is capable of being civilized. The cycle won't stop until someone puts an end to it." Seth thrust forward his hand, a clawed finger pointing at Eggman dramatically.

"A true leader."

"We both want the same things, admit it." Veins pulsed around his neck and his eye twitched, anger surmounting to a head. Seth screamed, fists clenched with purple electricity sparking around him. "ADMIT IT! TELL ME I'M WRONG!"

Edited 2013-09-09 05:23 (UTC)

"You're wrong!" said Bowser, calmly, from his station high above the cares of life.

"WHAT HE SAID!" Eggman agreed, tapping buttons on his console. The Egg Carrier up above prepared to launch a new mech, while the mad scientist gloated. "I want to create a world filled with ROBOTS! One shaped in MY IMAGE! I want CITIES WITH MY FACE ON THEM!!" He grinned. "And what do you want? All YOU want is for your former keepers to acknowledge you."

The Egg Walker hopped into the air and rocketed into the sky. From up above, a large robot suit flew down to land across from Seth, leaving dents in the surface. Its head folded open, and Eggman flew up to it, locking his craft into it.

"Bulk up all you want! I can go bigger too!" he taunted. "Because as clever and destined as you think you are, you will NEVER be smarter than ME!" With that, the head of the robot slid shut around the cockpit, and raised its fist to launch a spiked rocket at Seth.

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[video] DRAMABALLS AWAY

THIS IS THE BOWSER RUNNING COMMENTARY

THIS IS THE EGGMAN, READY TO BRAWL

I AM THE WALRUS GOO GOO G'JOOB

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