[video] DRAMABALLS AWAY

[stay_classy_cat]

[RIIIIING. RIIIIIING. RIIIIIIIIIIIING.

What little asshole pulled the fire alarm? Who knows, but after about 30 minutes of being herded to and milling around on the grass, it's announced that this was likely a prank since there's no discernible fire anyone can identify. It's safe to return back to your dorm rooms, and REMINDER; DON'T PULL THE FIRE ALARM AS A PRANK OR YOU WILL GET DETENTION!!! Seems like another ordinary day at Smash Academy, right?

No, there's something a little more ominous in the air...]



Attention, Smash Academy. This is Mayor Tabuu speaking.

[Whoa, something must be really important for him to address Smash Academy's network specifically.]

Eggman is a filthy liar. He's betrayed all of you! The insipid, fat, lumbering oaf is abusing his power and must be stopped.

[Wait... didn't... Tabuu authorize Eggman into Martial Law? Since when has Tabbuu used such flowery insults? SOMETHING WEIRD IS GOING ON.]

He's turned against you, and is robotisizing your own kind! Eirika's been missing from our--your fair academy and this is why! She's been kidnapped by him and was robotisized! If he's not stopped--

[BZZZTTTT--KSSSSHHHHH--! Suddenly, static! WE ARE INTERRUPTING THIS FEED FOR A VERY IMPORTANT HIJACK...]



ATTENTION, SMASH ACADEMY! Listen close and listen well! I am Dr. Ivo Robotnik, the world's greatest genius, and YOUR SAVIOR! I come to you with DIRE NEWS... Your beloved Mayor Tabuu is a FRAUD! An IMPOSTER, created to impersonate him and deliver this city into the hands of your REAL nemesis! Not I, my subjects, someone FAR worse than me!

I speak, of course, of one SETH RICHARDSON! Yes, your friend Seth has been a VERY busy boy this past year! the DRUGGED LOLLIPOPS he's been feeding into the city have caused no end of trouble for everyone! But that's not the LEAST of his crimes... No, with the money he's made from the drugs he's sold, he's created POKEBALLS capable of capturing ANYONE, even HUMANS! And replacing them with PERFECT DUPLICATES, completely subservient to his will!!

I have done my utmost to PROTECT you, to keep you SAFE from the madness Seth's machinations have wrought! And now it's time to STAND UP and TAKE YOUR LIVES BACK!!



Me? That's laughable, truly laughable! How desperate must you be to point fingers at someone such as me, you insipid, fat, lu--bloated worm! Who's honestly going to believe you with your track history? Who could've forgotten your ridiculous and stupid Incredible Interstellar Amusement Park? Or that time you tried to eat everyone's history? Face it, you've had your fun and your time is up. Tabuu wants you out and so does everyone else. If anything we should be standing up and rising against YOU!

Besides, where did you even get all this nonsense about me? I'd like to see some evidence, if your tiny, feeble, cotton-filled brain can comprehend that.

Oh, you're going to EAT those words, you smug, freckle-faced punk! You see, I got all this information from a rather reliable source. Our mutual friend Ulki, who happened to overhear your discussion with your SUPPLIERS, filled me in on ALL the juicy details he overheard. He even brought a little surprise. But don't take MY word for it...

[The camera pans to the side. Ulki is there, flanked by two Badniks. In his hand is the stolen Catball.]

See for YOURSELF.

[Seth stares blankly at the screen, even paling a little bit. Mary... He'll kill her! He'll kill her a million times over. Seth manages a twisted smile but resolve is cracking. He's sure Eggman isn't trustworthy and he could convince everyone else of that, but the bird...]

Ha... ha ha ha! So what? That could be a rock with a pawprint on it for all any of the lot of you know!

[Ulki looks hardly so convinced. ]

Shall we open it then? Besides, [He spins the ball around in his hand, showing the pawprint that was previously obscured.] How could you have known that?

[Seth is brilliantly caught in his own lie, worse yet, he still jumps too eagerly at the chance to cover it up.]

No! Don't! [His lips twitch and his smile is a bitter one, forced and seething.]--You don't know what that would do... do you? You might push a wrong button and hurt whoever's inside. I wouldn't put it past either of you, given your penchant for blatant idiocy anyway.

[Camera pans back to Eggman.] HURT whoever's inside? Now there's an interesting thought... Since when has letting a Pokemon out of their ball HURT them? Now I'm DOUBLY curious to see what's inside! Or would you rather just CONFESS?

Why don't you confess to being unwanted? You're an utter failure at everything you do! None of your plans has ever worked and for good reason: they're dumb. Your fiancé could have picked so much better.

[WISE AND MATURE WORDS FROM SETH RICHARDSON.]

YOU'RE GOING TO REGRET BRINGING HER INTO THIS, YOU PONCE!!

Now hear this, everyone! I am calling for the ARREST of Seth Richardson! Soon my robots will arrive at the academy gates to assume control of the school until he is IN CUSTODY. Submit, and you will be spared. Resist, or otherwise interfere with my efforts, and you will be ARRESTED and ROBOTISIZED INTO MY ARMY!! THIS IS YOUR ONLY WARNING!!

[Seth makes a grande display of open arms, smugly psychotic grin plastered on his face as if to say, "Dare ye cometh at me, sir?" The fact Eggman just declared robot season open is just as bad as the next line out of him:]

You have no control over me. I'd sooner die then let my plans be interfered by a corpulent, tactless, wretched ignoramus such as yourself! I'll take what's rightfully mine from you whether you and your bushy, unkempt mustache like it or not. [He makes a fist at the screen.] Considering you an equal gentleman would be an insult, so instead of proposing a fair and just duel, I'll promise you this: If you so much as show your face around here or FDC and get in my way, I'll fucking rip you apart!

[WAIT HE'S NOT DONE YET--Seth ducks out of the screen just a moment an returns with something around his neck. Yes it's Flurrie's big balls necklace he's fingering coyly.]

Oh, and tell Flurrie if she wants these back she can come and get them. They're not quite my size.

[Eggman's hands clench into fists of rage.]

YOU... WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, YOU'LL SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE SCRUBBING FLOORS AS A CLEANING BOT!!

I quiver with fear!

YOU WILL BE!!