001- [video] - Laytex all the way down...

[black_shadow]

[Black Shadow does not appear in public without his costume, no matter how much it looks like the school network has been invading by sketchy fetish spam. He sits with his arms folded in front of the camera, like he's sizing up everyone watching it. He clears his throat.]

...Greetings Smash Acadamy. My name is Black Shadow and you may know me as a world famous F-Zero racer and the revered Emperor of Evil! HAHAHAHAHAH!

...I am also your new Drivers Ed teacher.

I am told I can't make the class mandatory, but I strongly urge you to come. Driving is a far more vital skill than you can ever know.

As for my new...colleges: I look forward to working with you.

[He smirks briefly, like there's something about to happen and he can't wait to see how it's going to turn out. Amazing how menacing that can make a normally meaningless pleasantry.]

Comments

[blueburnshotter]

[What is with the horned leather-daddy super villain look these days? This is like the second time...]

So is teaching a passion, or just how the Emperor of Evil gets by in the evil racing off season?

[GENUINELY CURIOUS. This seems like such a step down.]

[black_shadow]

Hahahah, you're either brave or stupid. I do so love that space before it's clear which.

[black_shadow]

[...He kind of wants to get mad but...it's a fair question, actually. Hopefully this guy won't press the issue.]

Let's just say I'm looking to...expand my horizons.

[icequeen_aran]

I'll make it very clear if you ever dare set foot in Armed Weaponry or Bio-Mechanical Engineering.

[OR AUTOSHOP she wants to warn, but she figures that should go without saying.]

[blueburnshotter]

They certainly are getting creative with community service...

[THAT SURE IS AN ASSUMPTION TO MAKE.]

Well, as your new colleague, allow me to welcome you to the Academy. My name is Hayato Saionji.

[That look on his face is one of a man who is clearly waiting for gasps of shock and awe. Or some kind of recognition. Please, something, anything, nobody here knows his work.]

post-halloween dumbness

[awakeningwill]

[There is a voice coming from... off-screen? Who is this and where is he.]

Sounds like another trouble-maker.

[Answer: here]

[raced_god]

[Black Shadow doesn't have to be cryptic--Falcon picks up what he's putting down regardless. To expect this guy to play by the rules is asking for a cold day in hell. He doesn't move any further into the room, but he also doesn't shoot. There's something he needs to know, first. It would, at the very least, explain the dramatic difference in introduction.]

You don't remember.

[video]

[thereyouare]

But why? Isn't that mean?

[ thank god for children????? ]

Don't be bad. It's bad.

[ yeah. ]

[punchtheflute]

Oh yay! I've been wanting to learn how to drive cars!

[That is obviously the important take-away from this post. Driving cars.]

Welcome to the school! Try not to be TOO evil though, OK? There are a lot of heroes here! I wouldn't want you to get hurt before you can teach me to parallel park! ....it looks really hard.

[Oh, cool, Sonny DID notice that 'revered emperor of evil' bit.]

[black_shadow]

[That...was unexpected. Shadow's smile faults, replaced with a look of confusion.]

Remember...what?

[black_shadow]

I see...Then I should reach out to this turtle man and-

[Wait. Wait. WAIT.]

Falcon has a girlfriend!?

[black_shadow]

Heheheh...Let me guess: a friend of Falcon's?

[video]

[black_shadow]

[How do you handle children if you aren't taking them hostage?]

Well...yes. The point of being bad...is to be bad.

[Airtight!]

[Video]

[black_shadow]

Oh, I see. Very cute that you think I'm a mortal man. I've had a God or two after me in my time, in fact.

[black_shadow]

[That's one term for it. And anyway, Black Shadow simply shrugs at the name.]

Hayato, eh? And...what do you do?

[...As if he cared. He's too busy looking for the source of that other voice.]

[icequeen_aran]

Don't give him all the credit, those are my classes.

[bloodvile]

I know, I couldn't believe it either!

[black_shadow]

[Aha! Finally, someone with sense.]

Oh, parallel parking is hardly difficult once you know the tricks to it! I promise you that my class will teach you that and far more...

And never fear...I have been defeating heroes for years and years!

[black_shadow]

Well, it's just so heartwarming that a woman saw past Falcon's looks and his clothes and the way he talks and his personality and his terrible driving and his breath!

[black_shadow]

Oh, perish the thought! You look like a woman capable of great things. I'll be watching with interest.

[punchtheflute]

[Well, Sonny was kind of sort of a Hero himself. But he'd keep that on the down-low for now.]

I'll be looking forward to learning!

My name is Sonny Moe - Welcome to the school!

[raced_god]

[It takes Falcon a moment to realize he can use this to his advantage, at least psychologically speaking. That means, of course, that Black Shadow isn't going to get an answer, just another jerk of his gun.]

We don't have to do this here. We can settle it on the track.

[ALWAYS ON THE TRACK]

[Video]

[pyroblasters]

Yikes, talk about an ego. Pyrrhon's pretty sure you're clearly a mortal human! And he's also sure that if any Gods DID go after you, that they clearly weren't as mighty as PYRRHON, THE SUN GOD!

Buuuuut like I said, not going to go meddling in mortal affairs. So long as you don't go causing trouble in Pyrrhon's presence, there won't be any problems! Besides, if Pyrrhon takes you out, then he won't be able to attend your class!

I've always thought about getting a license. Flying's probably more convenient and all, but getting to drive an exo-tank just looks so fun!

[video]

[thereyouare]

[ She isn't having this! ]

If you do anything bad, I'll take you to the office...

[ THAT'S A THREAT ]

[blueburnshotter]

[One day. One day, someone will care.]

I teach Phys. Ed. and supervise the cheer squad. You know, teaching the youth the importance of teamwork and school spirit at such an important time in their lives.

...I suppose I'm also assisting with security lately, but that's very temporary. [Until whatever magic responsible for this awful braid wears off. YOU BE QUIET BACK THERE, ZERO.]