[video]

[redshirted]

[Ian’s video feed has kind of an alarming start, he has a slight sheen of sweat and is trying to catch his breath. He is very clearly standing in front of a door to some sort of maintenance room.]

Hey there! [He's smiling and waving despite being out of breath] Name's Ian Malkovich, and I'm the new maitenance man on the campus. Burnt out lightbulbs, broken air conditioning-- [Suddenly there is a strange, very alien noise from the background] --trapping things in closests, I can handle it.

[He gives a big thumbs up! And then continues on only slightly more seriously.]

And uh, Sam, when you get the chance I could use your help with something. Well, I guess you specifically don’t need to handle it but I figure you’re really the only person I know here that’s decent with a gun and--

[He gets cut off by a loud THUMPING NOISE coming from the door behind him. He jostles with his keys to make sure the door is locked before returning to the recording]

Anyway, I was looking for some spare light bulbs and I found a closet full of these figurine things, and I sort of knocked them over, and this alien looking thing, the jellyfish pinchery kind-- [Ian mimics pincers on his mouth with his fingers] --came to life. They don’t exactly give the maintenance guy the right equipment to deal with that. I've got him trapped in the utility closet but--

[A loud SKRREEEEEEEEE is heard in the background.]

--whenever you get the chance, meet me by utility closet B12. No rush. The door's locked at least.

Comments

[icequeen_aran]

[She can't help but smirk at Ian's playful comment, hardly taken as a jab. Samus ASSUMES THE STANCE, arm cannon pointed and ready.]

Three. Two. One. Now!

[redshirted]

[He WHIPS THE DOOR OPEN bracing himself behind it and possibly peaking out to check out what sort of artillery she's equipped. Maybe it's new.]

[icequeen_aran]

[Brace your face for a blast of COLD AIR Ian. The second the door flings open the hungry Metroid floats out, and in the next second it's being blasted in the face (or lack thereof) with a big fat ice missile.]

[redshirted]

[Little icicles totally form on Ian's eyebrows.

Also his lips are probably slightly numb from the blast which makes his words slightly muddled.]

That's a fancy new trick.

[icequeen_aran]

[The metroidsicle(s) falls to the ground with a heavy ch-chunk, shattering a little from impact.

Samus continues to stand there arm locked in the same position, seemingly frozen herself. It wasn't like she hasn't done this a million times, just... it had been so long since she'd last done this--last seen a living Metroid. Short-lived as it was. Either its exsistence was a fluke or she was going to make some head roll around here. Slowly, she lowers her arm.]

I've got a lot of fancy tricks up my sleeve.

[She gives the ice shards on the floor a cautious kick, shuffling them around with the heel for her boot. It's dead. She turned attention next to the closest Ian trapped it in.]

What'd you do?

[He did something, obviously.]

[redshirted]

[Ian shuffles out from behind the door, squatting down near the broken pieces. He picks one up in his hand and inspects it closely. He had never seen anything like this but Samus seemed to know exactly what to do.]

Hey, I didn't do anything.

[It's the exact same tone he'd use with his brother when caught doing something that was perhaps less than ideal conduct for a soldier in the Galactic Federation. He stands up, dropping the ice piece back on the floor. He guesses he'll probably have to clean that up.]

The headmaster gave me keys to this closet.

[He thumbs back to the closet. Why did everyone keep insinuating he was poking around places he shouldn't be. HE HAD KEYS!]

[icequeen_aran]

[You're gonna clean that up Ian.

Okay, so maybe he didn't do anything wrong but]

What'd you touch?

[Not really waiting for an answer she steps on the icetroid and crushes it underboot (making it a point to do so, really) and LO AND BEHOLD...]

...This is a closet full of assist trophies.

[She says this like he's supposed to know why this makes all the sense in the world.]

[redshirted]

Why are they all shoved in a closet?

[And probably the more important question...]

Do they normally spring to life like that? What was that one?

[Ian's hands hover dangerously close to another one IAN DON'T DO IT]

[icequeen_aran]

[NO IAN DON'T DO IT! But it is too late and from under his hand a small orange pixalated army shows up, an air-raid siren blares, and then they start shooting adorable little pixalated bullets and missiles. That said, they seem to either pass right through Ian or don't hurt him at all, while Samus definitely recoils in annoyance.]

It--augh! IAN!

[TIME TO HIDE BEHIND THE DOOR AND USE IT FOR COVER UNTIL THEY DISAPPEAR.]

[redshirted]

Woah--

[Ian waves his hand in front of the tiny tanks, fascinated by the fact that the munition seems to be going right through him.]

I didn't know dying once made you invincible.

[The only explanation.]

[icequeen_aran]

[Meanwhile the closet door is pummeled but holds, the little orange men and their little orange tanks traveling in one direction as they go until they vanish into thin air. When the coast is clear she sticks her head out.]

It's because you were the one who touched it.

[Not that there aren't, you know, super stars and 1-UP mushrooms and other odd things here that more or less fit that bill. Stepping out fully she shakes off whatever little hits dinged her, doing little more than scuffing her pants.]

They're designated for fights in the stadium. [She gives a wary glance back at the open closet.]

They all do different things, but that was the first time I've seen one with Metroids in it...

[redshirted]

[So NOT INVINCIBLE that's good to know before he does something supremely stupid. It'd be a shame to end up dead twice within the span of a few weeks.]

Yeah, uh, sorry for knocking that one over. At least you seemed to have the right weaponry to deal with it...

[icequeen_aran]

I've had some time to build up my arsenal.

[And not, you know, bump into any walls and drop important upgrades.]

Have you been to the stadium yet?

[He'd probably find that fun.]

[redshirted]

Not yet. I don't have quite the same firepower I'm used to, though. Not sure I'd stand a chance.

[He pulls out a wrench from his utility belt and bats it in his palm a few times. He guesses he could improvise with it.]

[icequeen_aran]

Wrenches might be my mortal weakness for all you know.

[The joke is dryly delivered, of course. It'd be worth an improv, she thinks, though she wasn't actually planning on sparring with Ian (not at the moment, anyway). Mostly she just wanted to show him all the fun things the stadium could do. It was arguably the most advanced piece of technology the school had to offer in an otherwise very 21st century setting.]

Meet me there in ten minutes.

[He had to. You know. Clean his mess up. Probably.]

[redshirted]

[He laughs. Well, he's certainly not going to turn down a challenge especially when he can see what Samus has been up to all these years. He gives a thumbs up.]

Hope you haven't gotten soft after all these years.

[icequeen_aran]

Keep hoping, Ian.

[Sure she's... kind of done some domestics with the boyfriend thing, but this school is fraught with weirdness as he'll quickly find out, and she definitely uses the stadium on a regular basis to train and keep her skills sharp as any good instructor should be.

TEN MINUTES LATER she awaits in the middle of the stadium, one hand on her hip. There's a small collection of various items by the control podium.]

[redshirted]

[Ian kind of cleaned up the mess, but did post a few hastily made DO NOT TOUCH signs and put them inside the closet. He also locked it. That probably helps keep things in and out.

He jogs into the stadium, still with his utility belt because he's not really sure what to expect. Honestly, if he swung the wrench hard enough it could be a weapon. Not that he really wanted to give anyone a concussion.]

Alright, whatcha got for me, teach.

[icequeen_aran]

Lesson one: items.

[She points to the ground as if to gesture 'stay put' in the stadium arena while she trots over to the podium. A couple of buttons and taps at the control screen later, a huge party ball materializes in the air not far from Ian. One adorable jingle later, it opens and drops an assortment of items.

Samus jogs back to the stadium.]

Go ahead, pick something up that looks interesting.

[redshirted]

[Ian was already poking through the items by the time that she got back. He's quick to go for what seems the most familiar, even if it's a sword. He swings it a few times, safely away from Samus. It probably makes lightsabery noises, vhuum vhumm.]

Not usually a close combat guy, but this'll do.

[icequeen_aran]

[It totally does. Samus partitions away some of the items with her heel until she isolates an innocuous looking soccer ball.]

That's a beam sword. It does exactly what you think it does, and gives you good reach.

This soccer ball has unique properties, [She gestures for Ian to back up a little while she similarly walks the ball backwards and away.] in that it doesn't obey the laws of kinetic energy. If I kick it lightly, [She does, and the ball flickers with a brief flame but ultimately doesn't roll very far, as if it was weighted.] it won't go far.

But if I kick it hard... [She gives Ian a look like he should get ready to put that sword to good use. Samus then backs up a little and takes a running start to punt the soccer ball as hard as she can.]

[redshirted]

[VHUUUUM Thankfully, although he was really in engineering he's still has the reflexes of a good soldier. Ian acts quickly and slices through the soccer ball and has an appropriate reaction for a still teenage boy in the military that gets to basically fool around with cool weapons and things.]

This is awesome.

[Ian braces his footing, taking a stance that clearly says he's ready for whatever she (literally) wants to throw at him.]

[icequeen_aran]

[VHUUUM GREAT BALLS OF FIRE. Of course it's awesome. She picks up the next thing she plans to throw at him, a home-run bat. She stretches her arm out and points at him, bat along with it, like she's ready to engages in some CQC.]

You might think you have an advantage since the sword has greater reach. And you'd be right about that. But--

[She takes another couple of steps back and THROWS THE BAT AT HIM. It would probably be in Ian's favor to try and dodge instead of swinging.] --every item can be thrown. Even that sword of yours!