[video]

[redshirted]

[Ian’s video feed has kind of an alarming start, he has a slight sheen of sweat and is trying to catch his breath. He is very clearly standing in front of a door to some sort of maintenance room.]

Hey there! [He's smiling and waving despite being out of breath] Name's Ian Malkovich, and I'm the new maitenance man on the campus. Burnt out lightbulbs, broken air conditioning-- [Suddenly there is a strange, very alien noise from the background] --trapping things in closests, I can handle it.

[He gives a big thumbs up! And then continues on only slightly more seriously.]

And uh, Sam, when you get the chance I could use your help with something. Well, I guess you specifically don’t need to handle it but I figure you’re really the only person I know here that’s decent with a gun and--

[He gets cut off by a loud THUMPING NOISE coming from the door behind him. He jostles with his keys to make sure the door is locked before returning to the recording]

Anyway, I was looking for some spare light bulbs and I found a closet full of these figurine things, and I sort of knocked them over, and this alien looking thing, the jellyfish pinchery kind-- [Ian mimics pincers on his mouth with his fingers] --came to life. They don’t exactly give the maintenance guy the right equipment to deal with that. I've got him trapped in the utility closet but--

[A loud SKRREEEEEEEEE is heard in the background.]

--whenever you get the chance, meet me by utility closet B12. No rush. The door's locked at least.

Comments

[forgetbeam]

A statue...?

[OH NO, IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN.]

Please keep that door closed at all costs! If there are other statues in there, they might be brought to life as well!

[Sorry for your warm welcome, Ian.]

[redshirted]

[He laughs]

Oh, no, I definitely think there's only-- [SUDDENLY double the thumping double the fun] ...one.

[forgetbeam]

[WELP.]

This isn't a laughing matter! I've seen something like this happen before, and I can tell you that it's a real danger! If they break out, run!

[redshirted]

No way! I can't just let things run rampant in the school!

[forgetbeam]

If they get out at all, that's going to be inevitable either way!

[Mr. Optimist.]

But alright, just focus on keeping that door nice and shut for now!! By the way, do you have anything like a lighter on you?

[voice]

[raced_god]

[SAM he calls her SAM Falcon doesn't even call her Sam oh GOD]

...What did you do.

[redshirted]

Just my job!

[Hey, don't make this seem like he was somewhere he shouldn't be! He's the maintenance man and he can investigate creepy alien statues if he wants.]

[raced_god]

You armed?

[Because you're probably going to need to be armed.]

[redshirted]

Uh, I've got keys.

[HE WOULD BE USING HIS STANDARD ISSUE GALACTIC FEDERATION RIFLE IF HE HAD IT, FALCON. But he doesn't. Because he changes lightbulbs now.]

[audio]

[icequeen_aran]

[Yeah there is no mistaking that unmistakeable SKRRRREEEEEEEE. She will never ever ever forget what that sounds like. Still, Samus has (very surprisingly) never encountered one in her many years of living here. Either it was a complete fluke or Ian brought something with him unintentionally. How--she didn't know, but she was briskly traversing the hallways while tapping at the little phone-set clipped to her ear to find out.]

You've just gotten here and you're already getting into trouble. Are you hurt?

[redshirted]

[When Samus gets here, there will be an almost comical sight. Ian is casually (well, it would probably seem a lot more casual if he wasn't putting all of his body weight into it) leaning up against the closet door.

In the meantime, he feigns insult at her.]

Heeeeey, it's not my fault this place keeps figures dangerous aliens waiting to spring to life at any moment. [He pauses for a beat and then adds a bit more (but just barely) sincerely.] And I'm fine, thanks.

[PROBABLY TOO SOON TO JOKE ABOUT DEATH? Yeah. Too soon. Good call, Ian.]

[icequeen_aran]

[TOO SOON but at least his joke is not more specific as Ian definitely did not die from dangerous trophy aliens, not that Samus was going to let that happen on her watch here and now.

She automatically reaches for the pistol strapped to her thigh (totally matching her casual attire) but stops midway. Funny, how her default state of being outside of Smash was in the Power Suit and the lady underneath was something of a mystery, whereas here it ended up becoming the exact opposite. She didn't really like flashing the suit on and off around here, even just parts of it, without good reason.

The ice beam was however a very good reason and especially so right now.]

Good. [Stay fine.. She takes a couple of steps back and with a concentrated effort summons the arm cannon around her forearm in a shimmer of light, the sleeve of her jacket fraying majestically in the process. While she liked that jacket a lot there wasn't time to fuss over it with a deadly screeching space vampire jellyfish braying a the door. She needed Ian's help for the next part.]

On the count of three open the door outward so you have cover. I'll take care of the rest.

[redshirted]

[He is fine, she is fine, everything is fine, and soon Samus will take care of the pinchy alien and it'll be great. Ian does not seem very concerned about anything at all.

Well, except for maybe her flashy arm cannon making an appearance indoors. He was wondering where that was. It's nice to see some things haven't changed.]

Hey, just be careful where you point that thing alright? Let's hope your aim's improved after all these years.

[Nope, some things haven't changed a bit and that includes his sense of humor. Ian braces the doorknob.]

Ready when you are.

[text]

[cplusplus]

Did you say statue? Where did you find them?!

[redshirted]

They were just in one of the utility closets! Well, a locked utility closet.

[That probably should have been his indication to stay out but they gave him keys.]

[cplusplus]

Can you tell me which one precisely? Is it any close to the entrance of the school bunkers?

I'm so sorry this is rather rude of me to ask without introducing myself- I'm Chihiro Fujisaki, I'm the IT Technician.

[redshirted]

No problem. It's B12 in the basement. I don't think it's near the bunkers? I haven't got the layout done yet. I've got it contained for now at least.

[awakeningwill]

This is security. Give me your status.

[redshirted]

Alive. That's the big thing right? [He's LAUGHING lord help him.] Everything will be fine down here. I think. Probably.

[He pauses, thinking for a moment and then adds:]

I think Samus should be on her way if it gets too out of hand though.

[awakeningwill]

[Samus, huh? He knew first hand that the school had some pretty powerful fighters in attendance, so if this person had the situation well at hand (Ian seemed to trust them well enough, anyway), then Zero could focus his attention elsewhere. All the same, any situation involving those statues coming to life was one he wanted to keep tabs on.

Absolutely no reaction to the laughter, though.]

...

Keep me updated. If you need additional back-up, I'll be there.

[redshirted]

Thanks. Good to know we're well taken care of here!

[Ian sort of wondered why a school needed such strict security but... all things considered it was probably a good thing.]

[video]

[planking]

[MAINTENANCE MAN. Flint has. A coworker. He is not sure what to make of this Ian guy, but there are more pressing matters at hand. Namely, someone is stuffing monsters in his utility closets and scaring the newbies.]

You need some help there, son?

[redshirted]

Ahh-- Well the door's locked. Samus is on her way. Starting to question if the tools in my utility belt are all I really need to carry around.

[At least he's got a good attitude about it!]

[planking]

[...Ah. If this guy knows Samus, that means he's one of those weirdos from space. Probably only used to fancy-schmancy laser blaster guns or silly things like that.]

Anything's a weapon if you swing it hard enough.

[redshirted]

[Ian is very much a weirdo from space.]

Yeah, guess I could always improvise...

[He has never beaten an alien to death with a wrench, but no time like the present to try new things.]