[video]

[redshirted]

[Ian’s video feed has kind of an alarming start, he has a slight sheen of sweat and is trying to catch his breath. He is very clearly standing in front of a door to some sort of maintenance room.]

Hey there! [He's smiling and waving despite being out of breath] Name's Ian Malkovich, and I'm the new maitenance man on the campus. Burnt out lightbulbs, broken air conditioning-- [Suddenly there is a strange, very alien noise from the background] --trapping things in closests, I can handle it.

[He gives a big thumbs up! And then continues on only slightly more seriously.]

And uh, Sam, when you get the chance I could use your help with something. Well, I guess you specifically don’t need to handle it but I figure you’re really the only person I know here that’s decent with a gun and--

[He gets cut off by a loud THUMPING NOISE coming from the door behind him. He jostles with his keys to make sure the door is locked before returning to the recording]

Anyway, I was looking for some spare light bulbs and I found a closet full of these figurine things, and I sort of knocked them over, and this alien looking thing, the jellyfish pinchery kind-- [Ian mimics pincers on his mouth with his fingers] --came to life. They don’t exactly give the maintenance guy the right equipment to deal with that. I've got him trapped in the utility closet but--

[A loud SKRREEEEEEEEE is heard in the background.]

--whenever you get the chance, meet me by utility closet B12. No rush. The door's locked at least.

Comments

[redshirted]

Not yet. I don't have quite the same firepower I'm used to, though. Not sure I'd stand a chance.

[He pulls out a wrench from his utility belt and bats it in his palm a few times. He guesses he could improvise with it.]

[icequeen_aran]

Wrenches might be my mortal weakness for all you know.

[The joke is dryly delivered, of course. It'd be worth an improv, she thinks, though she wasn't actually planning on sparring with Ian (not at the moment, anyway). Mostly she just wanted to show him all the fun things the stadium could do. It was arguably the most advanced piece of technology the school had to offer in an otherwise very 21st century setting.]

Meet me there in ten minutes.

[He had to. You know. Clean his mess up. Probably.]

[redshirted]

[He laughs. Well, he's certainly not going to turn down a challenge especially when he can see what Samus has been up to all these years. He gives a thumbs up.]

Hope you haven't gotten soft after all these years.

[icequeen_aran]

Keep hoping, Ian.

[Sure she's... kind of done some domestics with the boyfriend thing, but this school is fraught with weirdness as he'll quickly find out, and she definitely uses the stadium on a regular basis to train and keep her skills sharp as any good instructor should be.

TEN MINUTES LATER she awaits in the middle of the stadium, one hand on her hip. There's a small collection of various items by the control podium.]

[redshirted]

[Ian kind of cleaned up the mess, but did post a few hastily made DO NOT TOUCH signs and put them inside the closet. He also locked it. That probably helps keep things in and out.

He jogs into the stadium, still with his utility belt because he's not really sure what to expect. Honestly, if he swung the wrench hard enough it could be a weapon. Not that he really wanted to give anyone a concussion.]

Alright, whatcha got for me, teach.

[icequeen_aran]

Lesson one: items.

[She points to the ground as if to gesture 'stay put' in the stadium arena while she trots over to the podium. A couple of buttons and taps at the control screen later, a huge party ball materializes in the air not far from Ian. One adorable jingle later, it opens and drops an assortment of items.

Samus jogs back to the stadium.]

Go ahead, pick something up that looks interesting.

[redshirted]

[Ian was already poking through the items by the time that she got back. He's quick to go for what seems the most familiar, even if it's a sword. He swings it a few times, safely away from Samus. It probably makes lightsabery noises, vhuum vhumm.]

Not usually a close combat guy, but this'll do.

[icequeen_aran]

[It totally does. Samus partitions away some of the items with her heel until she isolates an innocuous looking soccer ball.]

That's a beam sword. It does exactly what you think it does, and gives you good reach.

This soccer ball has unique properties, [She gestures for Ian to back up a little while she similarly walks the ball backwards and away.] in that it doesn't obey the laws of kinetic energy. If I kick it lightly, [She does, and the ball flickers with a brief flame but ultimately doesn't roll very far, as if it was weighted.] it won't go far.

But if I kick it hard... [She gives Ian a look like he should get ready to put that sword to good use. Samus then backs up a little and takes a running start to punt the soccer ball as hard as she can.]

[redshirted]

[VHUUUUM Thankfully, although he was really in engineering he's still has the reflexes of a good soldier. Ian acts quickly and slices through the soccer ball and has an appropriate reaction for a still teenage boy in the military that gets to basically fool around with cool weapons and things.]

This is awesome.

[Ian braces his footing, taking a stance that clearly says he's ready for whatever she (literally) wants to throw at him.]

[icequeen_aran]

[VHUUUM GREAT BALLS OF FIRE. Of course it's awesome. She picks up the next thing she plans to throw at him, a home-run bat. She stretches her arm out and points at him, bat along with it, like she's ready to engages in some CQC.]

You might think you have an advantage since the sword has greater reach. And you'd be right about that. But--

[She takes another couple of steps back and THROWS THE BAT AT HIM. It would probably be in Ian's favor to try and dodge instead of swinging.] --every item can be thrown. Even that sword of yours!