006 [AUDIO]

[testgasm]

[Hello friends, please enjoy this cheerful British voice. Wheatley sounds especially cheerful today. What could he possibly be so happy about?]

So! I'm pretty sure Rick is--Rick is dead, which is great news, if you knew him. Went down to the bunkers, last I heard, didn't come back. Probably a good indication that he is--that he is, in fact, dead.

[Oh.]

It's all right, it's all right, go ahead, breathe that sigh of relief, no one's--no one's going to judge you, trust me, we all felt the same way about that tosser.

But, uh, if you were friends with him, for some ungodly reason that I can't possibly fathom, I'm, ah. Sorry for your loss. If you didn't know him, well, let's just say you're better off. Good riddance to bad rubbish, if you ask me.

Comments

[testgasm]

Oh, no, we can die. I mean, if my hard drive got destroyed, that would be it! There's only--only one of me.

[golonghorns]

So whoever made you just produced one? There ain't some assembly line someplace pumping out a bunch of this year's model of... whatever it is you are, exactly.

[testgasm]

Well, yes. I'm one of a kind, and I don't think--I don't think I'm fond of the idea of more than one of me.

[golonghorns]

So the folks who made you just made one? Why?

[testgasm]

Uh, because I was perfect the first time, obviously.

[golonghorns]

OK. So why not make more? If you worked out so great, wouldn't your manufacturer want to reproduce you for the consumer market?

[You know. Like cars.]

[testgasm]

Well they didn't--they didn't need more! I wasn't built to be sold!

[golonghorns]

So what were you built for?

[testgasm]

Uh, to help. Obviously. I'm a helper.

[He is super helpful.]

[golonghorns]

What do you help with.

[Joel why do you even care.]

[testgasm]

The library. The--the whole library. But, I mean, I could feasibly help with--with most anything!

[golonghorns]

But what were you BUILT to help with?

There's a robot in my class, does really good carpentry work. You any good with wood?

[testgasm]

What? What robot in your class? Who is he?

[golonghorns]

R.O.B.

Can build a bird house like you wouldn't believe. He was the one that told me about, uh. Y'know. Robots bein' students and staff here. Never would've believed it otherwise. That's strictly Science Fiction where I'm from.

[testgasm]

Oh. That guy.

[golonghorns]

That guy? You two don't get along?

....do you just not get on with other robots in general?

[testgasm]

I mean, I guess he's okay. Kind of--kind of boring, but if he's good at your class, the, uh. Great. For him.

[golonghorns]

So R.O.B. is borin', Rick was an Asshole. You're a hard guy to please, huh?

[testgasm]

No, I mean, it's not my fault, that they're like that.

[golonghorns]

Just like it's not their fault that you seem like... I dunno. Kind of a snob? All things considered.

[testgasm]

If you really knew Rick, which I'm sure you--sure you didn't, you'd understand what I was talking about.

[golonghorns]

Only talked to him once. He was talking about shooting the hair off an elk with a knife gun or some nonsense like that.

He was amusin', at least.

[testgasm]

Yes, so it's really no surprise he wandered off and got himself killed. I suppose amusing is one way to put it.

[golonghorns]

How the heck could he wander off to begin with? Last I saw of him he was a big metal ball. I had to stick him back in his tree.

[testgasm]

Oh, well, he can turn human. Or could, I suppose. Did you not know that?