[Video] A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM THE EGGMAN EMPIRE

[iamtheeggman]

[When the camera came to life, Dr. Eggman was standing in what looked like a big empty warehouse, hands on his hips, eagerly gloating.]

OHOHOHO!! Greetings, all you little SNOTS! I hope you're enjoying the start of a brand new, even more miserable school year than the last!!

You may be asking yourself a few questions! "Doctor Eggman, why are you standing in a warehouse? Doctor Eggman, why do you look so lean and svelte? Doctor Eggman, how can I have a mustache half as amazing and luxurious as your own?" Well, to answer your first question, I have an important announcement! You see, after you MEDDLING CHILDREN blew up my airship, I've had a lot of time to rethink my life's path, evaluate where I stand, and where I want my life and career to go.

And I decided to BUILD A NEW ROBOT ARMY.

[He stepped back, revealing waves of new Badniks behind him as the camera panned.]

That bird attack a few days ago turned out to be the PERFECT opportunity for me! After rounding up a few hundred of the pests, I was able to get right back to work manufacturing more robots! So despite all of your efforts, you HAVEN'T STOPPED ME IN THE LEAST! NYAH NYAH! OHOHOHO!!!

[The feed ended. ...A moment later it turned back on.]

And to answer your other two questions, I've been taking spin classes, and conditioner is your friend.

[Then the feed ended again.]

Comments

[golonghorns]

What about your girl? How'd that wind up going down?

[Fair's fair, Eggy.]

[iamtheeggman]

I rescued her from having her personality wiped.

[A generalization, but not an inaccurate one at least.]

[golonghorns]

....uh-huh.

[Joel quirked an eyebrow.]

There's got to be somethin' more to that story.

[Because what even.]

[iamtheeggman]

Look, I like you, which is something I rarely say to ANYONE around here, but that doesn't entitle you to know EVERYTHING I've ever done.

[golonghorns]

That's fair play.

[It wasn't like Joel was going to tell Eggman everything he'd ever done, either.]

[iamtheeggman]

Sufficed to say that caring for people has... compromised my ideals somewhat.

[golonghorns]

It compromised mine, too. In some ways.

[He turned the glass in his fingers.]

How's your daughter like your whole robot army thing? She big on the world domination idea?

[iamtheeggman]

She was... amiable to it. Once I explained it in my point of view.

[golonghorns]

Sounds like a good daughter. Ellie is willful, and she'll call me out on my BS if she doesn't agree with me. She's got a knack for bein' right, too.

[Frustratingly enough.

He could only imagine the sheer shitstorm he would have unleashed if he'd told her the truth about things at the hospital.]

[iamtheeggman]

You know, I've never wanted kids. Yeah, I know, big surprise, right? I don't know what even happened...

[golonghorns]

You spend enough time with 'em, they grow on you.

[iamtheeggman]

Yeah, that doesn't always work.

[LOOKING AT YOU, SONIC.]

[golonghorns]

Nope. I guess it doesn't.

[Yeah. He figured you were talking about Sonic. Joel still thought he was a good kid. Kid Hedgehog thing.]

All I know is, once you make that decision to protect 'em, nothing better get in the way. That's how you know it's somethin' worth anythin'. When you got to make an impossible choice and they come out on top.

[iamtheeggman]

Hm. You're actually making some sense, you know.

[golonghorns]

Where I'm from, you don't live real long without having some kind of common sense to your name.