[VIDEO]

[testgasm]

Hello!

[It's library robot! He's in his chassis today, seated in front of the video feed, looking about as cheerful as a giant eyeball can look.]

Got a--got a small favor to ask, a, uh, a request, as it were. If anyone is interested in. Fulfilling a request. I've got this chassis, see? Very useful, very--very nice for walking around, doing things that involve hands without having to be a squishy human. Quite enjoy having it, like it even better when it's functional.

[With that, he sets a metal leg on the desk with a resounding thunk. It's intact, but it's an entire leg. The giant eyeball looks slightly less cheerful.]

Had it torn off, you see. Red Coach did it, if anyone--anyone was wondering. D'you hear that, Red Coach? Now everyone knows you trashed the library and tore off my leg and beat me with it, you psychopath. And now I'm getting it fixed, so there.

[Cough.]

Point is, if any of you have some kind of--kind of experience with robotics, you know, fancy fixing a leg, I would. I'd appreciate it. Sort of difficult, hobbling about everywhere. You know--you know how it is.

Comments

[testgasm]

Okay, uh. Then. Why are you here? I'm clearly looking for people with experience in robotics, which you clearly don't have.

That's what I said. Red Coach.

[golonghorns]

Because, I'm asking you some questions. That's why.

Red Coach. OK. When you say 'everyone knows you trashed the library and tore off my leg and beat me with it', you mean those things happened on the same day? Kind've a long time to be without your leg.

[testgasm]

Yes, well, I admit I have--I have put it off, but, you know. I'm a busy robot. Lots to do in the library, especially after it got trashed.

[golonghorns]

Well, folks pitched in at least.

[Joel had rebuilt some of the shelves. Seemed only fair after he dropped one of them on Blood's head.]

Who's blood was it that I saw splattered on the wall?

[testgasm]

Uh...Vianca's? Maybe? Unless it was his, which is--I'd imagine that's possible. Might've been mostly Vianca's, though.

[golonghorns]

I shot him in the middle of the Library. This was near the wall, closer to the front.

[Vianca. The little Librarian girl? Jesus. Jesus H.

What kind of sick bastard beats on a little girl till she bleeds like that?

Oh wait, that's right, batshit crazy six year old racecar driving bounty hunter clone kind of sick bastards do that probably. He really needs to stop being surprised by things here.]

You don't have any defenses? Guns or lasers or anything to take care of yourself?

[testgasm]

Yes, then it was probably Vianca's. I don't have any guns, no. Maybe some turrets would be useful, now that you mention it.

[golonghorns]

Why not get a few installed on your chassis while you're getting work done, anyhow? Being as you've probably pissed Blood Falcon off by posting this, you might need 'em.

[testgasm]

[Guns...on his chassis...]

Would you, uh. Would you want to do something like that?

[golonghorns]

No.

[Well now, wait on a sec. Maybe he could. Maybe....]

I mean, I'm no robotics expert. Already covered that. I AM good at assembling and modifyin' guns. I can take care of that part. But getting them mounted and useable by you is another story. You'd probably need someone else there too for that part. Team effort.

[testgasm]

I can do that! I can find someone else to help me with that, if you, uh. Give me. The guns.

[golonghorns]

Uh-huh. You get a salary for working in the Library, don't you? Guns ain't exactly cheap. I can buy 'em for you and modify them so you get more bang for your buck, but I'm gonna need you to pay for the actual firearms.

[testgasm]

I...don't. Get paid.

[golonghorns]

Oh.

[Well. There you go.]

Why? I mean, if you're smart enough to work in a library and have a conversation shouldn't you be smart enough to want a paycheck?

[testgasm]

They've just never paid me. Probably don't think I need it, I suppose? And, I mean, I don't, really. I don't eat, I don't wear clothes...

[golonghorns]

So what? There's robots at this school goin' on dates and all kinds've nonsense. I'm sure you could find something to do with a paycheck.

[Still. This was getting off topic.]

Fine. I'll spot you the money for the guns. Just make sure to use 'em if 'Red Coach' comes at you again.

[testgasm]

You will! Oh, that's--that's just dynamite, thank you. You won't regret this, I promise.

[golonghorns]

It's... It's fine.

[He really wasn't used to being generous. However, he also really, really didn't like Blood Falcon. And considering that guy was a bag full of crazy, this robot could probably use the protection.]

I'll pick up somethin' in town later today. We'll figure out the rest from there.

[testgasm]

Great! Just--just let me know when and where I can meet you and we'll get all this settled.

[golonghorns]

How about you find someone who can attach 'em to you first, then we work out the time and place. That will give me time to fix 'em up a little first, too.

[testgasm]

Right! Will do. I'll, uh. I'll get back to you when that's--when that's accomplished.

[golonghorns]

Alright. You can get me by phone, alright? Number's in the directory.

[testgasm]

Ah! Yes, that's--that sound excellent. I'll be sure to call you.

[You will regret

everything]

[golonghorns]

[Probably!]