smashacademy | [0010G

[Well, he HAD made a point to see her on her Birthday specifically, to give her the cake he'd made. Even though Red had told him he wasn't to do so. It seemed so long ago to him, though. He couldn't help that flutter of excitement he got any time he saw her, whether it was after a day or a week or in this case, quite some time.]

Hi!

[He was repeating himself. He knew he was. It was easier than moving forward. Well, no, not entirely - there were lots of things he really wanted to talk about! It seemed like she had some plans for the contest hall and he'd like to hear about those. And he wanted to tell her that her hair looked lovely - he liked the braid.

Unfortunately, they weren't here for those sorts of pleasantries, were they?]

You said that there was something you thought would be better to say to my face? Well. Here's my face.

Yes. I... did.

[Looking aside, she was careful not to meet his gaze.]

Yet it seems any courage I might have had to do so has abruptly left. Implying I had any courage in the first place. [Which she didn't and she was aware of.]

Was there something you had to say to me? Why did you want to see me? What can I do for you?

[She wasn't detached, but she could treat the situation with a little more care. Or a lot, as the case might have been.]

[Well. Detached or careful weren't words that really described Sonny. He knew what he wanted to say and roughly how he wanted to say it so, onward with the words. Quite a few of them.]

There's lots of things I wanted to say! Some of it I already typed to you. I didn't mean to have a conversation about that with text, though. That's why I wanted to meet up. I wanted to say I'm sorry for what happened with the Other Red, and that I wasn't there to stop him. I only just heard about it and that's why I didn't try to stop him or try to find you after. I just... didn't know.

[He could do a lot of things but he wasn't Dialga or Celebi - There was no going back in time with the benefit of hindsight.

He took a few steps forward, but didn't insert himself into her line of sight. She was looking away for a reason, after all.]

It's not really anything you can do for me? More the other way around. I just.... wanted to tell you I was sorry and that if there's anything I can do for YOU, to make you feel better then you can just tell me. I know it must have been really confusing and scary and I know he hurt you and I just wanted to let you know that I'm here to support you if you want that.

[She listened very attentively, took in each thing he had to say, tried not to flinch too much, and tried not to just immediately turn him away or aside. He was only trying to help her and she knew that. She had not forgotten what Red's darker self had said either. Their conversation where she stood in relation to... well. The relationship that went in the unreciprocated 'v' as opposed to an honest to Pele triangle. And it still went beyond her as to why Sonny would have such a conversation with his trainer in the first place. At least, not without telling her first.

Thin eyebrows knit together as she did finally eye him again, but not because he was or wasn't in her line of sight. It was because he moved closer and to be fair, she had somewhat been against the invasions of personal space. She hadn't forgotten how it felt for Red to take her, where he put his hands, and the tingle that remained seemed to stay even after showers and baths. And there was an undeniable tightness in her chest when someone got too close. She hadn't forgotten that either.

So she lifted her left hand in the hopes that he'd know to stay his distance.]

I don't need you to do anything for me. I doubt that there is anything you can do. That isn't your place. It isn't your responsibility, and I'm sure you know that. I don't think for a moment this offer has anything to do with you feeling like you have to, and I know you want to, but I don't think there's a single thing you can do. Everything has changed. Nothing will be what it was. Everything will be different now.

Hnnn...

[He'd been hoping not to hear something like that from her. That there was nothing he could do and that things would never be the same. Hoping that there was something he COULD do and things would eventually just go back to normal had maybe been too much. But he would have settled for one of the two.]

Alright.

[Despite the fact that he was a pretty physical person and hugs made him feel better in 99.9% of cases, he understood her gesture well enough and took a step back. He didn't understand what was behind it of course, but the meaning was very clear.]

I wish there WAS something I could do. Red is back to normal now and I know he feels really terrible about what happened. He can't even talk. He wrote it down for me on a pad and I think he was really scared because he thought I was going to be mad at him...

[That last part sounded uncharacteristically bitter. He was really, really mad of course. However, the person who was the cause of it had disappeared and would never have to face any real consequences for what had happened. That was the most frustrating part.]

All I can do is... be here. For him. And for you. And maybe that's really not going to help anyone right now, but maybe in time it will do some good.

[And she appreciated that he respected her personal space, for it was nothing against him personally. And she hoped he knew that. She couldn't express anything very well aside from a great deal of high guard. As if she had need to protect herself from everything and everyone. Even more so that Alcin had left, though his stay was temporary.

...And there was Seth, too. To say Voile was 'over' anything would have been nothing short of a blatant falsehood and she knew she couldn't even claim it.]

I think you should be as you ever are and see to his - Red's - condition. I don't hate him and I don't despise him. While it may not have been him mentally or emotionally, it was him physically.

It was his hands on me. It was his face in mine. It was his- [Just replaying the threat that was too close to the real thing of Red kissing her was enough for Voile to lift her hands and hide her face behind them. A few moments at least before she forced herself back together.]

It was still him to some degree. The things that shadow of his said weren't false. Everything he accused me of was accurate. Everything he said about me was true. I can't refute it and I'm not going to.

[Her posture straightened and she gave Sonny her direct attention.]

...You have my sincerest apologies, Sonny Moe. For everything that was happening that I failed to tell you. For everything I kept from you. For all of the inconvenience I caused. You owe me nothing and you have no responsibilities to me.

No responsibilities to you.

[It wasn't really a question or even a direct repeat of her own statement. If anything it sounded a little deadpan and a little weary. He scratched at the rough hair on his chin and shook his head.]

Why are you apologizing so much? And saying stuff like I have no responsibility to you? You make it sound like I should be upset with you or something and I'm not. I haven't been. Not even once.

[But that was just classic Voile, wasn't it? She got hit and she was told a pack of lies (Because despite her assurances to the contrary, he couldn't believe that Other Red was truthful in whatever he said to her.) and went on to apologize for being an inconvenience and assuring him that he needn't worry about her being a burden because, hey, he owed her nothing. And she lay all this out like some kind of succinct, formal statement. As if responding to a complaint he'd actually made.]

I don't.... want your apology. Apologies. Any of them. At all. Because you didn't do anything wrong. So it doesn't mean anything. Maybe you didn't tell me things I would of wanted to know but you didn't have to - It's your choice what you want to talk about and with who. So, apologizing for that makes it sound like you feel like you have responsibilities to me and how is that fair if you don't want me to have any to you?

[And just like that, he managed to silence her. Easily. Because she didn't expect him to say so much, or to say what he had in the way that he did. It left her not only speechless, but eying him blankly, for she'd evidently not had a plan that extended past her apology to him.

Were there things she could say? Of course. But would he hear them? She had a feeling he wouldn't. As if he'd already made up his mind about things regardless of anything she might have said to otherwise counter them. In a way, it frustrated her because once again, she was having to give into someone else. And it was in her nature to surrender.

It didn't leave her with the most appealing feeling.]

I don't agree with you, but you're stubborn enough just to keep going regardless of what I might say. I guess I have no other alternative than to accept that.

[She shook her head at him.]

I'm not really sure what you want out of this talk with me. I don't really know where it should go, myself, or what I was expecting in meeting you out here.

I don't know either. But it sounded like you wanted to say Goodbye. At least, that's what it sounded like to me? I don't know WHY you think it's better if we don't talk any more but if that's really what you think is best then I guess I don't really have much of a choice?

[Because going against her wishes if that was what she wanted would just be awful. He loved her, sure. But he wasn't going to force his company on her. He wasn't some kind of creepy stalker and really, it wasn't his nature to be forceful in the first place.]

And saying goodbye in person is better than saying it through e-mail or text message or even phone call, I think.

There's a difference between heart and thought. How I feel...

[She lifted a hand and settled it over where her heart was.]

...Hm. Since everything that happened with Red, I never ignored or forgot how I felt about you. But sometimes I have to not only think of myself, and I need to be able to think of you. Marie, too. Anyone, theoretically, who isn't me.

[Voile shook her head.]

I worry for your happiness if you associate with me too much more. I will be undoubtedly a source of a lot of tension and I'm not positive I can handle that. I don't think I was as good a person to you as I should have been. Friends don't keep things from each other. What we were was more than friends. It makes it look like I spit all over our relationship because I didn't respect you enough.

You'll understand if I don't really feel that great about the whole thing.

Well. Yeah.... I can understand why you don't feel so great about it. But it isn't your fault! It isn't anyone's fault. It's strange and complicated and I really don't like what happened but there's nothing any of us could of done to change it so...

[So. They had just dealt with it as best as they could in their own ways. Really, it was a terrible group of people for this to have happened to. Voile was self sacrificing to a fault, Sonny was far too laid back and lacked the assertiveness to make what he wanted known, and Marie was silent and moody when things didn't go his way which was most of the time, let alone when something like this reared it's head.]

I think everything you did was just fine. I don't think anyone could find any fault with how you handled things and I don't feel disrespected or spat on. I'm grateful, really, because you treated me and my Brother really, really kindly? You're patient with him and with me and I don't think you really even know how patient you are or how good you are for us. Maybe not everyone would think of it that way but they just don't know enough about it.

You wouldn't ever need to worry about making me unhappy. Even though I was thinking to myself that you were coming here just to tell me again that you didn't want to talk to me any more? I felt happy just to see you. Your hair looks really nice, by the way? The braid. It looks good.

[He made a braiding motion with his hands and even managed a small smile.]

[It wasn't the first time she'd heard it. Several people had said she was good for Marie. Red, included. He was the one who asked her to believe in Marie in the first place. And she had. And she still did. Even when he came to her with demands that she could not argue against him with.

Somehow it seemed ironic to hear it from Sonny, the brother of the boy who'd seemed so in need of her compassion and her kindnesses. All simply because it was within the whole embodiment of Voile to be that kind of individual. Rarely a thought for herself, yet every thought in the world for everyone else who wasn't her. At least when in the public eye.

When she thought about how she closed herself up and spent time alone, she realised she felt selfish in those times, for the only things she thought of were how things had fallen apart. The things she'd endured. How it was a 'big old sad' world for her.

She blinked when she seemed to come a little more to attention, which was about the time he started talking about her hair. Dipping her head, she lifted her hands to it and shifted it slightly, regardless of its weight and all.]

When Seth and I hosted the club and contest gathering, I had thought it seemed about the right time for a change. I guess I liked it so much and I felt like I'd reinvented myself that I just kept with it. I guess in a way, it makes me feel like I'm growing up a little and I'm not so 'young.'

[Ah. That was when she'd changed it. He still wasn't sure what to make of the whole 'Seth' thing so, he wasn't about to weigh in on the topic - Arceus knew that wasn't a matter that needed addressing at this point.]

It looks really pretty. It suits you.

[Repeating himself. Again. Maybe if he did that enough she'd smile and they could just talk about the things they usually chatted about. One last time? Or maybe as simply a prelude to many more sunny mornings, conversing under the trees, holding hands and laughing...

Probably not, but he was nothing if not an optimist.]

[It suited her? No one else had said anything of it, but Voile also hadn't expected anyone to. She just had wanted to try something new and that was good enough for her. But it was nice to hear that it... was pretty, she supposed.

Her features did soften a bit and nervously her weight shifted between her feet. Standing there with Sonny did make her think of older times. The times she loved spending with him. How much and how hard she'd fallen for him. Sonny had always done what he could to put her back together, no matter how many times she broke in little and large ways.

And she didn't doubt that he'd try again if she gave him the opportunity to. But suppose he left again? Voile was admittedly terrified of that. To go another year without him after reopening her heart to him... And could she even say she was worthy of what he had to offer? She didn't think she was. Even if he could say he loved her.]

...Thank you.

[She gave him a nod.]

I'm sorry. I don't really know what to say. I mean, there's... so much I could, but I wonder if there would be a point to it. I think you'd argue a lot of it with me, like you tend to do, because you're just that considerate. You haven't changed at all, yet I can't be considered the same person in any sense of the word.

Maybe you could tell me everything you want to say if I promise not to interrupt or butt in or argue?

[It was a genuine offer - if she had things she'd feel better getting off her chest and they were things she felt he needed to hear about would be stubborn about? Then silence seemed like the kindest thing he could offer.]

[She shook her head.]

It's not really necessary. How I view myself is always going to be different than how you will. You're always nicer than I am where that's concerned. Maybe I'm taking it all a little too hard.

[Voile sighed.]

I'm not really sure what to do with myself. I've been trying to keep myself busy, so I could avoid having to talk with anyone about it. I just want to be as little an inconvenience as possible. I don't doubt for a moment any tension between you and Marie wouldn't exist because of me. So it seems easier not to see either of you to prevent that. At least, that was what I thought.

You're not an inconvenience, though. I don't think that either of us would care for you so much if you were? Just saying.

[He had to wonder why she always worried about that so much - didn't she get it? You avoided inconveniences, and he'd never tried to avoid her.]

It doesn't really matter if you stay away from both of us, though? I mean, because the tension is still there and it doesn't go away just because you do. There's usually some kind of tension with Marie because he gets in these.... moods and I can't reach him. The things that make me happy don't work for him all the time so it's hard for me to cheer him up and that isn't your fault anyway. If you stay away from both of us? There's just questions we're both going to be asking about ourselves and each other and you which might never get answered and I guess that's OK. It isn't ideal. But you do the best you can with what you have. You know?

[He had a point. If she distanced herself from them both, they'd eventually probably just blame each other without ever really knowing that she pulled herself out specifically in hopes of not souring their relationship. But it was harder to be involved because they were both family. It wasn't like she couldn't look at Marie and not see the number of times she'd curled up with him in bed. And she couldn't look at Sonny and see the number of times they'd fallen asleep under the trees outside together.

Because her heart was always in it. None of it was ever casual. None of it was ever fleeting for her. She always wanted to do everything that she was invested in. How did adults handle that kind of situation? Because she wasn't a child anymore. She had to act like a grownup because she was.]

I guess that's valid. [She shook her head slowly.] I feel a little cowardly being present at how tense things might grow. Inevitably will grow. I can't imagine the first time the three of us get together or even cross paths at the same time will go well. Marie won't even talk to me. The last conversation we had was him coming to my room and basically demanding me to break up with him. Like he couldn't even talk to me about anything. He just made the order of me and I couldn't do anything except oblige because of the whole thing with Red.

We haven't talked since then and that was before my birthday, I think. It's... definitely been a while. Of all things I can destroy, friendships and family weren't any of the things I wanted to have that kind of power over. I wanted the power to save people, not to hurt them. Yet I seem to be incredibly good at the latter, simply by being myself.

[They hadn't talked since before her Birthday? That was a pretty long time. And the fact that Marie pretty much broke up with her while actually making her break up with him really didn't surprise Sonny too much. It did make him sad, though... and he was almost relieved that the fact that he felt remorseful over this. Yes, vastly preferable to the slight feelings of victory he'd felt in prior conversations over Marie's missteps with Voile. Maybe he wasn't really a terrible brother after all.]

I'm sorry he did that. But! Red told me I wasn't allowed to talk to you or he was going to... do something about it. And I'd already seen him hurt people. I didn't want him to come and... So! So, maybe he said the same thing to Marie as well? That might be part of it maybe? I know he wouldn't want anyone to hurt you either.

[HE really hadn't spoken to Marie much at all recently either, so, it might just be something more along the lines of the Wartortle wanting to be left alone completely. But it didn't hurt to speculate at this point, and there were plenty of factors involved.]

You haven't destroyed anything. Marie and I will always be Brothers. That doesn't mean we're always going to be happy with each other but even then, there's nothing that could stop us from loving one another. And I hope you know that no matter what you decide about Me or Marie or any of it? I'll always love you. You'll always be precious to me.

[She thought about what he had to say and nodded slowly, trying to commit it all to memory. Yes. Perhaps that day Marie came to her was a day that he was really trying to save her. Maybe. Save her from whatever Red would have done, except by that point, the damage had already occurred and the only thing that left was Voile being less than pleased.

But he didn't give her a lot of time to think about that because there he was with the concept of flattery. Not even flattery. Sincerity. Sincere flattery? Voile didn't even know. But hearing him say he loved her was difficult for her to just take. Not because she didn't feel the same way. Just... because it was hard to actually say that when she thought about what she'd done. Or what she hadn't done.

So sheepishly and shyly, she lifted her left hand and scratched idly at her cheek.]

...I... I'm not really sure what to say about all of that. I hope you're right, though. About you two. As for where you and I stand... Feelings are feelings are feelings. When I first saw you, it was like anything I'd ever felt just came... rushing back to me. In a way, it sort of drove me crazy, but maybe that was because of everything I didn't bother to tell you. Now I just don't know.

I mean. I do, but I don't.

You do but you don't? How confusing.

[He was being entirely earnest at this point. Not condescending as it may have come across. It WAS confusing!]

You don't have to decide anything right now, OK? If it's easier to just say 'See ya' for now then... that's OK. Maybe after some time has passed, you'll know more about what you want to do? And I'm a patient guy!

I know you're patient.

[And that made it harder. Because she wanted to be able to spend time with him without having to worry about odd tension sitting upon her shoulders. Even if he didn't feel it, she did and like it had in any other situation, it'd eventually come out and start affecting her normal behaviour.]

I can't really make a final decision on things right now, so I hope that's okay. My heart is a little all over the place, and my mind too. I wouldn't want to say one thing and go back on it or do something else. But I don't... really want you to wait for me?

[Meaning, if he somehow managed to fall in love with someone else while she was trying to put herself back together, she wanted him to pursue that avenue. Not hers.]

It's fine! It's OK! You just do whatever it is you need to do and make sure that it's really what you want, OK? I wouldn't want you to say something you maybe didn't mean? So... it's fine.

[He forced a smile and crossed his arms and took a step backward.]

If you really don't want me to wait then... that's fine too. I won't. I mean that... um? What I mean is I'll just go on doing the things I always normally do.

[He paused. He didn't want to be forceful about this. He didn't think that was his place. If she wanted him to Not Wait... well. He would do just that. Or at least do his best to appear as if he was not waiting.]

B-But if you ever want to talk to me or have lunch or anything like that then... Well, I'd really like that! And if we walk past each other in the hall or see each other in class? I hope we can still say Hi? Maybe?

[Despite all the teeth in his smile, his voice cracked a little. But he was going to do his best not to cry. That would be selfish. This couldn't be easy for her. And he really did just want her to be happy.]

[Lacing her hands together, it was hitting that line of tension that she wasn't good at handling and she knew it by the weight at her very chest. She shook her head at him with a small smile, trying to keep herself together for his sake and for hers.]

Yes, of course. I'm not saying we shouldn't spend any time together. I'm just saying that I might act a little out of sorts while I try to fix myself, okay? I just don't want you to take it personally. If you want to eat lunch with me, just tell me. If you want to go somewhere together, let me know. I'm not going to ignore you. I'm not going to be upset with you. I'm not going to ignore you.

[Voile paused and turned a few shades of pink as she continued.] I still care for you. About you. I still love you. You are still important to me and your happiness is still important to me. None of that changes, regardless of whatever I'm going through, okay?

Ok. I'm glad.

[He raised an arm and wiped it across his face as casually as he was able. Super sneaky tear removal sneak attack.]

I still love you too. And I hope we do get to spend time together, still. Just.. whatever you need me to do, you can just say so and I'll do my best. What ever you need.

[0010G - Video]

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