[video; filtered away from Falcon] I'M LOOKING FOR SOME BALLS...

[icequeen_aran]

[Normally Samus would be inclined to secrecy and mystery through either text or audio-only messages to the school's network; bounty hunter habits were hard to break and usually for good reason. However, this time she deemed it important to showcase her normalcy for what she was about to request, dry and unamused in delivery as usual;]

If I could get a headcount of who has and hasn't been afflicted with the latest outbreak of whatever strange and wonderful circumstance has befallen the school this week, I would be appreciative. I know it's probably been rough for a lot of you so far... but things like this in the past have never been permanent.

[I dearly hope that remains the case.]

Also...

[Samus squirms a little in her chair, uncomfortable. Been rough was putting it lightly... She has purposefully angled the camera so she and her cleavage the floor occupies the majority of the screen, though some of the background is viewable. Most of it is unassuming brick wall with scattered pieces of highly advanced, almost-alien looking technology along the periphery of the video. A sharp eye could determine she was not currently anywhere at the school.

...And that there was, very unknown to her, a golden feather lodged in her hair, easy to miss among her blonde strands.]

I'm-- [ASKING FOR HELP IS SO HARD] I need information on Pokecare. Of a Blaziken, specifically. And how Pokeballs work in the event of an emergency.

Comments

[firepunch]

[NO

no

You want to play hardball, Samus? Falcon jumps down from his perch and stalks up to her, eventually bringing himself to his full height and poofiness and

smacking the bucket out of her hands.

Hardball.]

[icequeen_aran]

[MOTHER FUCK

Oh my god no you didn't

NO

SHE PICKS THAT BUCKET BACK UP, AND DOES HER BEST TO ENSURE THE REST OF THE SUDSY SMELLY SUN-BAKED DEAD ANIMAL JUICE GETS SPLASHED ON HIM.]

[firepunch]

[someone

is buttmad]

[firepunch]

[Okay there are two buttmad parties in this particular situation, and one of them is a giant bird-guy who seems to be incredibly affronted by this turn of events. He squawks and springs backward, but it's TOO LATE and there is DEAD ANIMAL JUICE ALL OVER

how dare you]

[icequeen_aran]

[UGH. UUUUGH and it's all over the grass and maybe she can count on the next rain to wash the rest of it away before it attracts any other wild beasts. Whatever. WHATEVER. She throws her hands up in the air with a groan and an eyeroll. Then she jabs a finger in his general direction.]

I mean it. Not where I'm going to step on it.

[firepunch]

[Falcon GLARES A BIRDY GLARE and stalks off into the woods. After a few minutes of silence, there seems to be some sort of commotion, followed by more silence.

And then, he emerges from the forest with

guess

go on guess

guess what he has you'll never guess]

[firepunch]

[Did you guess dead rabbit

because it's a dead rabbit

and he walks RIGHT UP TO SAMUS AGAIN and deposits it on her feet.

STEP ON THAT.]

[icequeen_aran]

[Samus went back inside between the time it took him to leave and come back. Oh look at that. It's a dead rabbit.

She's going to narrow her eyes and not step on it but step backwards and then abscond into the forest without another word.

She'll return a short while later in her hands with

a slightly bigger rabbit.]

[firepunch]

[Oh no you didn't.

You shot it didn't you I bet you cheated and shot it.

Falcon gives a sort of indignant squawk and stalks back out into the forest and when he returns he is dragging

Bambi.

That's probably Bambi.]

[icequeen_aran]

[TEMPTED AS SHE IS (oh she is very tempted) TO GO AND PLAY WHO IS THE BETTER HUNTER she simply levels him with narrowed eyes. She's not willing to concede their competition, lest she do what comes naturally and exterminate every living creature in this forest (she imagined between the two of them especially, that wouldn't take very long at all), but there was something to keep in mind here--the very thing that freaked her out the first time this happened.

What if that wasn't Bambi and that was someone like Jeff instead? What if Jeff came back for a sudden surprise visit and picked the most awful inconvenient time to do so and ate at the bakesale and turned into a deer and she and he were none the wiser this whole time?

What if he just killed Jeff the Bambi?

What if she didn't drag this poor probably-not-Jeff carcass inside right now--it would sit in the sun and rot and smell. That's what. She holds up a finger.]

I'm not conceding.

[She hooks her hands around Bambi's little Bambi neck and proceeds to drag it towards the firehouse garage.]

But I'm not letting this go to to waste.

[firepunch]

[Falcon, being mostly Pokemon, doesn't really consider the fact that Bambi might be a student--what matters to him is that Samus is GIVING UP AW YEAH.

No

no wait

she's TAKING HIS KILL that's not fair.

Using his magical Pokemon bird speed, he takes off after Samus, passes her and then doubles back to get between her and the entrance to the firehouse.]

[icequeen_aran]

[drag drag drag draaaaaag all the way up to the door. NOW THERE IS BUT ONE OBSTACLE IN HER WAY.]

Move.

[firepunch]

[Falcon does not accept this.

Here he goes puffing out his chest and exhaling some steam in the general direction of Samus' face. For good measure.]

CAW.

[icequeen_aran]

[The billow of steam moves the bangs around her face and little else.]

Let me. Take it. So I. Can cook it.

And it doesn't sit out here and rot like all your other presents.

[firepunch]

[But if you go inside you will NOT BE PAYING ATTENTION TO ME AND MY BEAUTIFUL UNTTAINABLENESS

is the sentiment.

He does not move.]

[icequeen_aran]

[UGH. UUUUGGHHH. He is so frustrating she could shoot him sometimes.]

What is it.

[Shoot him in the butt a million times that's how frustrating.]

Do you want to cook it?

[firepunch]

[If you're not going to take it away and score his kill he wants it back.

He voices this sentiment with an indignant SQUAWK and then MAKES A LUNGE FOR IT.]

[icequeen_aran]

No!

[Even though it is, by her ridiculous strength standards, not a heavy weight to carry, Bambi's carcass with its flopping limbs and dangling glossy-eyed head is still ungainly to heft and move around. He lunges for one end, she digs her finger nails into the other end.

They are now playing tug-o-war with a dead deer.]

Let go!

quality tags

[firepunch]

[nnnoooo

do you hear that, Samus

that is a resounding nnnooooo

poor, poor bambi.]