[Good evening, Smash Academy. Today you are greeting with a shot of DAS AUTOSHOP, where a great many half-finished and slightly ominous-looking vehicular-type projects grace the background. Falcon sits in front of the feed and leans in.]

Football tryouts. If you're not on the team and want to be, show up. We're co-ed and take all grade levels. If you're already on the team, show up anyway. Check in with either myself or Max Powers, he's the other coach.

I ordered new uniforms.

[He is wearing his Flaming Hobos t-shirt.]

Friday, on the field, six PM sharp. Looking for a new team captain. Express interest and ask your questions here.