[backdated just a smidgeon!]

Lots of weird things things going on around here lately, and this place is chock full of weird. Humans runnin' around acting like a bunch of wild animals. If I had a television crew and a nature documentary? You would all probably be dead by now and hung up on the mantle.

[Rick that's not how that works...]

You know what else it is today? National set-off-your-fireworks-and-take-a-big-bite-outta-freedom-day; a holiday so great it deserves a lot of adjectives and other word parts smashed together to describe it. Like, it's explosionriffic.

...Explosionriffic? Explosiotastic? Explosiona--

Explositomic.

Check this out, this day is so great you just got to see it to believe it--so this friendly reminder is coming to you in two parts. Hear my voice and read along [yes, explosion gifs and all]:

[Suddenly on your screen if you still have opposable thumbs and a care to access it, that is...]

HAPPY EXPLOSION DAY

[Normally Samus would be inclined to secrecy and mystery through either text or audio-only messages to the school's network; bounty hunter habits were hard to break and usually for good reason. However, this time she deemed it important to showcase her normalcy for what she was about to request, dry and unamused in delivery as usual;]

If I could get a headcount of who has and hasn't been afflicted with the latest outbreak of whatever strange and wonderful circumstance has befallen the school this week, I would be appreciative. I know it's probably been rough for a lot of you so far... but things like this in the past have never been permanent.

[I dearly hope that remains the case.]

Also...

[Samus squirms a little in her chair, uncomfortable. Been rough was putting it lightly... She has purposefully angled the camera so she and her cleavage the floor occupies the majority of the screen, though some of the background is viewable. Most of it is unassuming brick wall with scattered pieces of highly advanced, almost-alien looking technology along the periphery of the video. A sharp eye could determine she was not currently anywhere at the school.

...And that there was, very unknown to her, a golden feather lodged in her hair, easy to miss among her blonde strands.]

I'm-- [ASKING FOR HELP IS SO HARD] I need information on Pokecare. Of a Blaziken, specifically. And how Pokeballs work in the event of an emergency.