{ONE} - [audio]

[quickly]

[The voice the entirety of the campus will hear is loud, very Boston, and very angry.]

YO! What's this crap all about? I already went t'school -- I ain't a college man! I got all the skills I'll ever need.

[He sighs.]

I don't know what this 'final destination' crap is but I don't like the sound'a it. I mean -- I'm used t'bein' told I'm gonna die or whatever, and I always make it out alright since I'm so freakin' fast and all, but I don't think I'm likin' the sound'a this.

Uh, so ... REDs! Doc! Fat-Man! Mumbles, Hardhat, Snipes, Spy, Demo, Soldier ... anyone around? I mean I know yer all old as shit 'n everythin' but Ma always told me yer never too old for college so maybe some'a you guys are here? Hopefully.

As for everyone else! Name's Scout. I'm the fastest man alive 'n if ya don't wanna hear it then I welcome ya to race me! I'm also real freakin' awesome at baseball, no joke. I'm always up for a game.

I'm also single, so babes, feel free t'meet me 'round my dorm: [Pause, sound of papers rustling as he looks for something with his address.] BE-16.

Guess that's it! Catch ya later!

Comments

[quickly]

[Laughs.]

How much gel do ya have to use t'get it like that everyday?

[thewrightidea]

[He frowns.]

This is how it is naturally.

[quickly]

Nuh-uh.

Don't lie t'me, dude. I know that ain't natural. My hair's natural, 'cause it's just regular old hair. Not some weird spiky thing that could put someone's eye out.

[Pause.]

Ever put someone's eye out with it?

[thewrightidea]

[Way to hit on Phoenix's SENSITIVE SPOT. He's trying to maintain his composure as he responds, but he's still taken aback.]

N-no! Why would it put someone's eye out?!

My hair is naturally this way! Why would I lie about that?

[quickly]

[Scout's great at doing that.]

I mean it's so pointy! Why wouldn't it put someone's eye out!

Y'can't tell me you get along with everyone here. There's gotta be someone y'don't like and at least wanna use yer spiky hair against.

I dunno, cause it's weird? I've never seen any hair like it before, 'cept on hedgehogs.

[thewrightidea]

[Oh snap you did not just use the H word with him.

Phoenix looks visibly insulted. See: his icon.]

No! I wouldn't stab anyone with my hair! Why would you say that?!

[quickly]

Since yer bein' so defensive 'n all, I'm gonna assume that you have stabbed someone in the past with yer hair but feel so bad 'bout it y'won't admit it, ever.

Y'can come clean with me, dude. I won't tell anyone.

[thewrightidea]

[Well there was that one time in middle school-- Phoenix looks defeated. He gives up. Why is he giving his time to this guy anyway?]

No! I never have!

[His face slumps in his hands in utter exasperation.]

[quickly]

Haha, alright, whatever!

So what class d'ya teach again? I'm askin' just in case I gotta go to it or somethin', and I don't wanna get my eye poked out.

[thewrightidea]

....Political science.

[He just glares.]