We interupt this video feed with robots.

[explosion_day]

[Since Rick has been back from his unannounced "vacation"--having spent the past two weeks on the bottom of a dirty floor--he was eager to get his Adventuring Legs back up and operational.

...Figuratively speaking, of course. Management rails were explored with renewed fervor. Rick had a lot to catch up on after all, and everyone had been missing his rugged manly good looks, certainly. Especially the lady types. GLaDOS was no exception in his mind, especially since he knew where her secret underground lair was. The video feed clicks on long after he's penetrated the deepest and darkest part of her sanctum, and Rick narrates in a hushed (read: only moderately quieter than he normally speaks) voice.]

I'll tell you, few men venture down here into her lair. You wanna' know why? Dark, dangerous, big and--shh, shh.

[The ceiling-view creeps forward, GLaDOS's mammoth lair coming into view. She's tucked away in the back part of it, a little side-room.]

Here, we observe the female in her natural habitat. She's gorgeous, a real beauty. Wild and untamed like a tank-mounted machine gun, or a... wait...

[ZOOMING IN... there is a tiny little creature near her; whitish gray with yellow eyes. GLaDOS stood at the back of the chamber, peering down at the small creature, a chao, with a look of disappointment. A hand was at her forehead as she massaged her temples. Finally, she sighed, letting her arm fall back down to her side as she glared creature one last time.]

Alright, look. This isn't that difficult. In fact, you should have no problems with this because I'm the one doing most the work. All you need to do is keep up your part while I conduct.

Now, let's take it from the top. Alright?

[To that, the chao nodded.]

Good, good. Now, let's begin.

[At that moment, several turrets around the AI turned on. She pulled out a conducting baton from her coat, expanded its length, then began waving it. The turrets moved their sides in reply, making their own odd beat. Once it was the little chao's turn, it began singing in time to the music. All in all, it should sound similar to this. A few moments of it pass before Rick comments again.]

She's with offspring. Lots of them. Buncha' cute ones and some kinda' blobbly big-headed reject baby thing.

[Is... is GLaDOS...? That melody is oddly entrancing. Like a Siren Song. Rick dumbly creeps forward to get a better look, into plain and open view.]

What is that thing? Must be the runt of the litter.

[The sound of another's voice causes GLaDOS to freeze up. With her baton no longer moving, the turrets no longer continue playing their music and her chao stops along with them. She slowly turns her head towards Rick, obviously TRYING to hold her anger down but failing miserably at it.]

...you've been recording this entire ordeal, haven't you?

[Did that baton just snap in her hands? ...oh this isn't gonna end well. The ceiling-camera doesn't answer immediately, because the obvious answer is yes, view darting left and right before focusing back at the deadly robowoman. Dangerous, indeed..]

Quick! [BACKING UP but the camera view seems to succeed only in quickly backing up in tight, concentric circles.] Abort mission! She's fiercely territorial with her babies. Motherly instinct and all that. Could rip the arms off a man with just her teeth.

...Man, I am so turned on right now.

Comments

[neveraskedforthis]

[ Haha, well, he wouldn't entirely wrong... time for some adventure, baby.

You're going down, bro. Good thing Adam has been eating a lot and so he's able to keep the Cloak up a while longer, and he's quite enjoying the robo eyeball's confusion. What a date, huh.


You know what temporarily disables electronics? Stun guns. Good luck trying to dodge a tiny almost invisible dart, though, because it's coming right at you now from god knows where. ]

[explosion_day]

[Rick is in little position to defend himself and Adam's aim proves very true. The core feels the uncomfortable surge of paralyzing electricity overwhelm every part of his spherical being. He emits a scream that that roughly sounds like: GGGGHHHGBGBBLBGLHHHHGBBGBBLLLRRHHRRRGHHNN.

Then he falls to the floor, twitching a bit and groaning. He's down but not entirely out, muttering something about ninja bees--no, this was a ninja wasp, holy crap...]

[neveraskedforthis]

[ Just as plaannneeeed.

And now, as Adam approaches (slooowly), he uncloaks. See those arms? Yeah those are the sexy arms he's used to lure you here.

Time to mess with his wiring ... if Rick doesn't squirm, it might not even hurt that much.

Anyway, Adam says nothing--just crouches down next to the buzzed eyeball and turns it around in his hands, looking for a cover plate of some sort--there's gotta be some access point, right? He'll find it.]

[explosion_day]

[Even in his daze, he recognizes those sexy arms and--NO... THEY BELONG TO A GUY...?! UNPOSSIBLE...]

You--You're not my date! What'd you do to her? Who are you?

[The port Adam is looking for is on the backside and like most personality cores, it provides a variety of functions. Rick however, starts squirming and swiveling as he is turned around, doing everything in his power to keep his rear end from being exposed.]

HEY! Put me down! I mean it! I know jarate--black belt in it--and you don't want to mess with a guy who knows jarate.

[The little robot looks and sounds very angry.]

[neveraskedforthis]

[ Not like Adam cares what Rick wants; and he has a very firm grip to make sure his rear stays exposed. He remains quiet, and hey that port looks like it could work. His palm hovers over it for a moment to scan it, and then--

This is probably the roboversion of 'having a finger up your butt' as he kinda sorta plugs himself in. Anyway, time to interface? Time to interface. The AR function of Adam's HUD nicely displays maps of any and all firewalls or other security measures this core has in place. AND SO IT BEGINS.

How does it feel Rick to have your circuits taken over bit by bit, mmmm. ]

[explosion_day]

AAAAAHHHHHGHNNN! GET--GET YOUR FINGER OUTTA' THERE! THAT'S AN EXIT-ONLY PORT. EXIT. ONLY.

[AND SO IT BEGINS. While Adam is traversing through Rick's innards, he is still squirming, screaming, and swearing, and basically being very displeased about the strange vending machine assailant shoving his finger in his robutt.]

I'm warnin' you! This is--HRKKZT--y-your--

[Truly, this very invasive experience is nothing Rick ever wanted nor expected. It feels icky. On Adam's end, if he gets to those datastores, will be rewarded with some Aperture-science related tidbits. Adam may also note something odd about most of Rick. A lot of his data seems just plain corrupt...]

That's it. COUNTDOWN CLOCK TIME!

[Corrupt or not, he struggles and manages to get some emergency back-up software running--probably far too little far too late, but he's not going down without a fight. Fifteen seconds, Adam. Make them count!]

[neveraskedforthis]

[ Oh nooooooo what's this is IS RICK TRYING TO BOOT ADAM OUT OF HIS SWEET ROBOT BUTT .... your resistance only makes his hackerboner harder

Good thing he's got a certain routine when it comes to this shit by now, and also some leftover Nuke Viruses and Stop Worms... So he keeps his cool and whoops that was SORT OF EASY. Even managed to capture some additional data on his way.

Now that he's pretty efficiently cracked Rick's defense system, Adam wills his hacking add-ons to mess with the registry and system configuration and SET UP A NEW USER ID.


USER ID: AJENSEN
ID TYPE: PRIMARY MASTER
DEFAULT MODE: OBEY

Oh he's so very deep inside you now, Rick ... ]

ooc

[breaks_pots]

I suddenly feel very dirty for stalking this thread

Re: ooc

[neveraskedforthis]

you and me both

[explosion_day]

[DATASTORE #1: Contains data mostly about Rick himself, what he can do and relations with others. There are some flash backs and minimal data from the earliest days of Rick's creation and purpose. A lot of data is either missing or corrupt, leaving notable blank spots in Rick's memory. He's aware he was designed to be plugged into GLaDOS but beyond that he's had to use his own creative imagination to fill in the blanks. Sometimes his imagination overwrites actual data.
DATASTORE #2: Contains data mostly about Rick's surroundings--a lot of it is how to travel around Apreture Science. Some of the test shafts are a mystery since it predates much of his existence, but he's got the Enrichment Center pretty well mapped out. Mostly. Sort of.
There's also some memories of his last moments in Aperture--namely of Wheatley trying to be the big bad guy and blowing up part of the facility and sending everyone to space. If asked, Rick would tell a far more colorful version of this story.
Much more relevant to Adam's interests are comprehensive and detailed maps of the school, who is usually where and when in the hallways, including GLaDOS's secret little basement lair, and some tentative explorations of the underground war bunkers resting below the school. Rick isn't shy about exploring, so Adam's hit a goldmine with this robot.

Poor Rick shuts off for a moment, green eye blinking out, and reboots back up with this new, very important User ID at the forefront of his data.]

Wh... [processing...]

What--WHY... IS THERE A FINGER IN MY--GET OUT OF THERE RIGHT NOW.

[He'll obey, but he's not going to be happy about it.]

AJENSEN?! That your name? Get the hell out right now you got no business back there.

[neveraskedforthis]

[ Oohhh this all seems like useful data. ...Or at least, mildly interesting. Adam had actually hoped to make this eyeball his little spybot, so his love for exploring and socializing might come in very handy. Sort of curious to a fault too so it was just way to easy to lure him here and dominate him.

But when he realizes that he's taken control of the robot, Adam actually--finally--disconnects and removes his finger. ]

Only because you asked so nicely.

[ Now, he should probably test it... ]

Sing for exactly twenty five seconds. Then go into standby mode for ten seconds.

[explosion_day]

You want singin'? Fine. [And so Rick sings cats for exactly twenty five seconds. Rick is a terrible singer, by the way. Then he click-beeps, his optic dulling into a half-lit green.]

Goin' into standby mode.

[Is... is smooth jazz nyan cat playing...? Adam, did you put that in there...]

[neveraskedforthis]

[ .... Maybe.

Well, Adam's pleased. Everything worked out, so now he just has to figure out his next steps. But maybe until then he can have some fun with this hurr hurr

Adam only speaks when Rick boots back up. ]

Good. I want you to report regularly to me about your findings while you continue exploring. You will also report any suspicious activities you observe in other people, but especially anyone connected to 'Aperture'. Discreetly. If you notice anyone mentioning my name in a negative context on the network or in person, you'll convince the person in question that their disingenious assertions are absolutely unfounded by using your 'natural charm'.

And that's all for now. Go back to what you were doing, this date is over.

[explosion_day]

Yeah? Just so we're crystal clear here, my disingenuous assertions of you Ajensen are somethin' like I hate you with every wire and screw of my being. You got that?

Every. Wire.

[neveraskedforthis]

[ Ohhhh cry more. ]

I'm hurt. I'd be nice if I were you before I make you do a PSA that you're really into dudes. Especially those shoving a finger up your port.

[explosion_day]

NO.

[Crap, that came out way too quickly and desperately. Rick swivels around in his casing, a little unnerved about this entire incident and especially the ramifications that are sure to come.]

No--keep your trap shut and I'll do your stupid dirty work, alright?

[neveraskedforthis]

[ Oh man. Adam is so amused though of course he only smiles inwardly because what are expressions. ]

Glad to hear you decided to be cooperative.

[ Though it's not exactly like Rick got a choice. HE SURE NEVER ASKED FOR THIS. ]

[explosion_day]

[EXCUSE YOU, ADAM. He never asked to get fingered by a guy.]

We done here, Ajensen? I'm tired of cooperatin' with your ugly date-ruinin' mug for one night.

Go on, get outta' here.

[neveraskedforthis]

[ FINE, HE'S GOING. So you can mope and cry bitter robo tears. ]

[explosion_day]

[He cried himself to sleep. Alone and on the floor.]