Rick (
explosion_day) wrote in
smashacademy2012-09-06 04:56 am
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We interupt this video feed with robots.
[Since Rick has been back from his unannounced "vacation"--having spent the past two weeks on the bottom of a dirty floor--he was eager to get his Adventuring Legs back up and operational.
...Figuratively speaking, of course. Management rails were explored with renewed fervor. Rick had a lot to catch up on after all, and everyone had been missing his rugged manly good looks, certainly. Especially the lady types. GLaDOS was no exception in his mind, especially since he knew where her secret underground lair was. The video feed clicks on long after he's penetrated the deepest and darkest part of her sanctum, and Rick narrates in a hushed (read: only moderately quieter than he normally speaks) voice.]
I'll tell you, few men venture down here into her lair. You wanna' know why? Dark, dangerous, big and--shh, shh.
[The ceiling-view creeps forward, GLaDOS's mammoth lair coming into view. She's tucked away in the back part of it, a little side-room.]
Here, we observe the female in her natural habitat. She's gorgeous, a real beauty. Wild and untamed like a tank-mounted machine gun, or a... wait...
[ZOOMING IN... there is a tiny little creature near her; whitish gray with yellow eyes. GLaDOS stood at the back of the chamber, peering down at the small creature, a chao, with a look of disappointment. A hand was at her forehead as she massaged her temples. Finally, she sighed, letting her arm fall back down to her side as she glared creature one last time.]
Alright, look. This isn't that difficult. In fact, you should have no problems with this because I'm the one doing most the work. All you need to do is keep up your part while I conduct.
Now, let's take it from the top. Alright?
[To that, the chao nodded.]
Good, good. Now, let's begin.
[At that moment, several turrets around the AI turned on. She pulled out a conducting baton from her coat, expanded its length, then began waving it. The turrets moved their sides in reply, making their own odd beat. Once it was the little chao's turn, it began singing in time to the music. All in all, it should sound similar to this. A few moments of it pass before Rick comments again.]
She's with offspring. Lots of them. Buncha' cute ones and some kinda' blobbly big-headed reject baby thing.
[Is... is GLaDOS...? That melody is oddly entrancing. Like a Siren Song. Rick dumbly creeps forward to get a better look, into plain and open view.]
What is that thing? Must be the runt of the litter.
[The sound of another's voice causes GLaDOS to freeze up. With her baton no longer moving, the turrets no longer continue playing their music and her chao stops along with them. She slowly turns her head towards Rick, obviously TRYING to hold her anger down but failing miserably at it.]
...you've been recording this entire ordeal, haven't you?
[Did that baton just snap in her hands? ...oh this isn't gonna end well. The ceiling-camera doesn't answer immediately, because the obvious answer is yes, view darting left and right before focusing back at the deadly robowoman. Dangerous, indeed..]
Quick! [BACKING UP but the camera view seems to succeed only in quickly backing up in tight, concentric circles.] Abort mission! She's fiercely territorial with her babies. Motherly instinct and all that. Could rip the arms off a man with just her teeth.
...Man, I am so turned on right now.
...Figuratively speaking, of course. Management rails were explored with renewed fervor. Rick had a lot to catch up on after all, and everyone had been missing his rugged manly good looks, certainly. Especially the lady types. GLaDOS was no exception in his mind, especially since he knew where her secret underground lair was. The video feed clicks on long after he's penetrated the deepest and darkest part of her sanctum, and Rick narrates in a hushed (read: only moderately quieter than he normally speaks) voice.]
I'll tell you, few men venture down here into her lair. You wanna' know why? Dark, dangerous, big and--shh, shh.
[The ceiling-view creeps forward, GLaDOS's mammoth lair coming into view. She's tucked away in the back part of it, a little side-room.]
Here, we observe the female in her natural habitat. She's gorgeous, a real beauty. Wild and untamed like a tank-mounted machine gun, or a... wait...
[ZOOMING IN... there is a tiny little creature near her; whitish gray with yellow eyes. GLaDOS stood at the back of the chamber, peering down at the small creature, a chao, with a look of disappointment. A hand was at her forehead as she massaged her temples. Finally, she sighed, letting her arm fall back down to her side as she glared creature one last time.]
Alright, look. This isn't that difficult. In fact, you should have no problems with this because I'm the one doing most the work. All you need to do is keep up your part while I conduct.
Now, let's take it from the top. Alright?
[To that, the chao nodded.]
Good, good. Now, let's begin.
[At that moment, several turrets around the AI turned on. She pulled out a conducting baton from her coat, expanded its length, then began waving it. The turrets moved their sides in reply, making their own odd beat. Once it was the little chao's turn, it began singing in time to the music. All in all, it should sound similar to this. A few moments of it pass before Rick comments again.]
She's with offspring. Lots of them. Buncha' cute ones and some kinda' blobbly big-headed reject baby thing.
[Is... is GLaDOS...? That melody is oddly entrancing. Like a Siren Song. Rick dumbly creeps forward to get a better look, into plain and open view.]
What is that thing? Must be the runt of the litter.
[The sound of another's voice causes GLaDOS to freeze up. With her baton no longer moving, the turrets no longer continue playing their music and her chao stops along with them. She slowly turns her head towards Rick, obviously TRYING to hold her anger down but failing miserably at it.]
...you've been recording this entire ordeal, haven't you?
[Did that baton just snap in her hands? ...oh this isn't gonna end well. The ceiling-camera doesn't answer immediately, because the obvious answer is yes, view darting left and right before focusing back at the deadly robowoman. Dangerous, indeed..]
Quick! [BACKING UP but the camera view seems to succeed only in quickly backing up in tight, concentric circles.] Abort mission! She's fiercely territorial with her babies. Motherly instinct and all that. Could rip the arms off a man with just her teeth.
...Man, I am so turned on right now.
[video; so iz dat a yes or a yus???/]
[Why wouldn't she? She WAS Caroline a long time ago, though it's clear she hates to admit it. Still...it could be a lot worse. And besides, most of the pure robots GLaDOS has met were idiots. Just look at Rick and Wheatley.
...yeah, she's got it okay.]
At any rate, I believe it's clear who the victor here is.
[YEP, smug satisfaction helped quite a bit after all.]
[video; that's a fuck yas]
[ Yes, he is most certainly implying that she's not skilled, just lucky. She's lucky she got implanted into a machine as a human as sweet and talented as Caroline, or else this would have been a breeze. He is a little picky about his musical tastes.
Shadow arches a brow, a frown lacing his tanned features.
Yes, he hadn't forgotten her conditions. ]
Name your favor.
[video; and den sloppy make-outs became a thing]
Luck had nothing to do with it, I've been able to sing well even before Caroline was reawakened in my mind.
Still Alive is totally canon, shut upAt any rate, I think I shall save the favor for another time. Having the Ultimate Life Form owe me something is quite the rare occurrence. I would rather not waste it on something trivial.
When I find something for you to do, I will contact you.
[video; mmmmm robot and hedgehog spit]
I will have to warn you, then: Do so before I change my mind.
[ He is not exactly the most patient sort, unfortunately, and it's showing in his face, full of disdain and frustration. ]
[video; the best kind]
Regardless, if you really are that willing to break our deal, I suppose I can be fair and offer a favor in return.
Re: [video; the best kind]
For it to be fair, the extent of both of our favors must be considered equal. Nothing more, nothing less.
If you agree to that, then we have a deal.
no subject
Still. If you are dead set on this, name your favor. Only then will I decide.
no subject
As of now, all I ask of you is to demolish whatever renovations you created. Take down your paneling and remove the testing areas, as well as any of your weaponry.
That would be satisfactory.
no subject
Or perhaps a series of smaller favors would suffice. Your choice, ultimately.
no subject
[ Does he have to shout it off of the rooftop? ]
no subject
At any rate, I believe this conversation has gone on long enough, farewell.
no subject
Goodbye, AI.
[ and off goes that feed. ]