Rick (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
explosion_day) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
smashacademy2012-09-06 04:56 am
explosion_day) wrote in smashacademy2012-09-06 04:56 am
We interupt this video feed with robots.
[Since Rick has been back from his unannounced "vacation"--having spent the past two weeks on the bottom of a dirty floor--he was eager to get his Adventuring Legs back up and operational.
...Figuratively speaking, of course. Management rails were explored with renewed fervor. Rick had a lot to catch up on after all, and everyone had been missing his rugged manly good looks, certainly. Especially the lady types. GLaDOS was no exception in his mind, especially since he knew where her secret underground lair was. The video feed clicks on long after he's penetrated the deepest and darkest part of her sanctum, and Rick narrates in a hushed (read: only moderately quieter than he normally speaks) voice.]
I'll tell you, few men venture down here into her lair. You wanna' know why? Dark, dangerous, big and--shh, shh.
[The ceiling-view creeps forward, GLaDOS's mammoth lair coming into view. She's tucked away in the back part of it, a little side-room.]
Here, we observe the female in her natural habitat. She's gorgeous, a real beauty. Wild and untamed like a tank-mounted machine gun, or a... wait...
[ZOOMING IN... there is a tiny little creature near her; whitish gray with yellow eyes. GLaDOS stood at the back of the chamber, peering down at the small creature, a chao, with a look of disappointment. A hand was at her forehead as she massaged her temples. Finally, she sighed, letting her arm fall back down to her side as she glared creature one last time.]
Alright, look. This isn't that difficult. In fact, you should have no problems with this because I'm the one doing most the work. All you need to do is keep up your part while I conduct.
Now, let's take it from the top. Alright?
[To that, the chao nodded.]
Good, good. Now, let's begin.
[At that moment, several turrets around the AI turned on. She pulled out a conducting baton from her coat, expanded its length, then began waving it. The turrets moved their sides in reply, making their own odd beat. Once it was the little chao's turn, it began singing in time to the music. All in all, it should sound similar to this. A few moments of it pass before Rick comments again.]
She's with offspring. Lots of them. Buncha' cute ones and some kinda' blobbly big-headed reject baby thing.
[Is... is GLaDOS...? That melody is oddly entrancing. Like a Siren Song. Rick dumbly creeps forward to get a better look, into plain and open view.]
What is that thing? Must be the runt of the litter.
[The sound of another's voice causes GLaDOS to freeze up. With her baton no longer moving, the turrets no longer continue playing their music and her chao stops along with them. She slowly turns her head towards Rick, obviously TRYING to hold her anger down but failing miserably at it.]
...you've been recording this entire ordeal, haven't you?
[Did that baton just snap in her hands? ...oh this isn't gonna end well. The ceiling-camera doesn't answer immediately, because the obvious answer is yes, view darting left and right before focusing back at the deadly robowoman. Dangerous, indeed..]
Quick! [BACKING UP but the camera view seems to succeed only in quickly backing up in tight, concentric circles.] Abort mission! She's fiercely territorial with her babies. Motherly instinct and all that. Could rip the arms off a man with just her teeth.
...Man, I am so turned on right now.
...Figuratively speaking, of course. Management rails were explored with renewed fervor. Rick had a lot to catch up on after all, and everyone had been missing his rugged manly good looks, certainly. Especially the lady types. GLaDOS was no exception in his mind, especially since he knew where her secret underground lair was. The video feed clicks on long after he's penetrated the deepest and darkest part of her sanctum, and Rick narrates in a hushed (read: only moderately quieter than he normally speaks) voice.]
I'll tell you, few men venture down here into her lair. You wanna' know why? Dark, dangerous, big and--shh, shh.
[The ceiling-view creeps forward, GLaDOS's mammoth lair coming into view. She's tucked away in the back part of it, a little side-room.]
Here, we observe the female in her natural habitat. She's gorgeous, a real beauty. Wild and untamed like a tank-mounted machine gun, or a... wait...
[ZOOMING IN... there is a tiny little creature near her; whitish gray with yellow eyes. GLaDOS stood at the back of the chamber, peering down at the small creature, a chao, with a look of disappointment. A hand was at her forehead as she massaged her temples. Finally, she sighed, letting her arm fall back down to her side as she glared creature one last time.]
Alright, look. This isn't that difficult. In fact, you should have no problems with this because I'm the one doing most the work. All you need to do is keep up your part while I conduct.
Now, let's take it from the top. Alright?
[To that, the chao nodded.]
Good, good. Now, let's begin.
[At that moment, several turrets around the AI turned on. She pulled out a conducting baton from her coat, expanded its length, then began waving it. The turrets moved their sides in reply, making their own odd beat. Once it was the little chao's turn, it began singing in time to the music. All in all, it should sound similar to this. A few moments of it pass before Rick comments again.]
She's with offspring. Lots of them. Buncha' cute ones and some kinda' blobbly big-headed reject baby thing.
[Is... is GLaDOS...? That melody is oddly entrancing. Like a Siren Song. Rick dumbly creeps forward to get a better look, into plain and open view.]
What is that thing? Must be the runt of the litter.
[The sound of another's voice causes GLaDOS to freeze up. With her baton no longer moving, the turrets no longer continue playing their music and her chao stops along with them. She slowly turns her head towards Rick, obviously TRYING to hold her anger down but failing miserably at it.]
...you've been recording this entire ordeal, haven't you?
[Did that baton just snap in her hands? ...oh this isn't gonna end well. The ceiling-camera doesn't answer immediately, because the obvious answer is yes, view darting left and right before focusing back at the deadly robowoman. Dangerous, indeed..]
Quick! [BACKING UP but the camera view seems to succeed only in quickly backing up in tight, concentric circles.] Abort mission! She's fiercely territorial with her babies. Motherly instinct and all that. Could rip the arms off a man with just her teeth.
...Man, I am so turned on right now.
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Name one thing about yourself that isn't an outright lie or made up to make yourself look better. One thing. I dare you.
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[TRANSMITTING NETWORK EXCHANGE...]Explain that one, smart-dumb guy.
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She's probably malfunctioning. Or mental. Or both. Probably both.
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How many dates have you ever been on, huh?
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You--did you know Tax Return Core from Accounting? Doubt it. We were sort of an item for a while, got very serious, not that it's any of your business.
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You're speakin' in past tense--so come on, spill the beans. What happened?
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Yeah, you know how it is, or--well, no, you probably don't know how it is, because you've probably never dated anyone. Anyway, she wanted to settle, that sort of thing, and that just wasn't me. Can't be tied down, right?
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Man, you jerk, you RUINED HER. You shouldn't be ALLOWED near women, breakin' their hearts like that.
Shame on you.
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Heh, well, I'm sure you're friendly with a core receptacle or two. Opened a lot of doors, or something. Moved some panels, maybe a lift. Bet you're very good at that.
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Hey, you know what I opened once? Your face. To space. You remember that? 'Cause I sure do.
I even had a pretty lady by my side while I did it.
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Wh--oh, there's a laugh. You didn't do anything, we both know she did all the work.
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Good thing she got away from you too 'cause you woulda' ruined her just like Tax Return Core.
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