smashacademy | 3rd Test: Summer Announcement

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3rd Test: Summer Announcement

Hello again everyone, this is Ms. GLaDOS. To those of you who are new and did not have the pleasure of being in my class, I am the computer teacher in this...fine academy.

[How did she say that with a straight face?]

At any rate, it's been a while since we last spoke, but I've been terribly busy. As such, I couldn't bother wasting my time with such trivial affairs as this. Luckily, I've finished my work so I can take a bit time off to address my students. Since you all mean so much to me, I've decided to host a summer class for Computers 101. That being said, I would like to be able to get into the more complex aspects of computers. Ergo, if you are uninformed in them, I strongly suggest taking up the summer class.

I'm not going to be babying anyone here, so don't expect handouts. You want to learn? Pay attention. That is all.

[PRIVATE TO CAVE JOHNSON]

Sir, the project you requested has been completed. Feel free to stop by my office to pick it up at any time.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Cave doesn't even bother responding to the video, interpreting it as an open invitation to simply waltz into her Computer Lab. His smile appears genuine at first glance, but the way he greedily rubs his hands shows what he's there for. ]

So, did you get me a present?

In a sense, yes.

[GLaDOS gets up from her chair and walks into her office behind the desk. After a minute or so, she emerges with a white oval like device. She places said device on the floor, its shell remaining closed.]

This is the Aperture Science Sentry Turret, one of our military grade products. For your safety, I've removed the bullets from it.

[The sensor for the turret's eye locks on to Cave.]

"I see you."

Edited 2012-07-14 17:59 (UTC)

[ Cave raises an eye, the thing not looking quite as impressive as he'd hoped. It was a beautiful design, for certain, but it didn't quite fill him with a sense of future moneymaking. ]

So...This is a product I ended up making? Did it sell well?

[ He took a closer look. The thing was sleek. Definitely something he'd sign off on. The size would make it a difficult target to shoot at, and depending on the rate of fire...he could see this being a good seller. Maybe market it for civilian security?

He went ahead and picked up the thing, immediately surprised by how lightweight it was.]

Decently well, sir. Though, we mostly use the turrets to guard parts of the facility, as an obstacle for test subjects, and to test our other military grade products.

[She stops talking, however, when Cave picks up the turret. She raises an eyebrow but says nothing for a few minutes...and then finally speaks.]

Something wrong, sir?

[Cave pauses in mid-inspection, the turret now upside-down in his hands.]

Hmm? Oh. No, it's fine. Just taking a look at it. I'm a rather hands on kind of guy, you know.

[Putting his ear to the turret, like a present on Christmas, he shakes it violently, keeping an ear for anything out of the ordinary.

...right. Of course.

[And the turret gets shook violently, its mechanically altered voice letting out a series of "whoa"s after each shake. GLaDOS just stands there, linefacing the entire time.]

[Cave laughs heartily at the turret's distressed voice.]

Really? That's great. It has some kind of AI to react to things like this?

[ He sets the turret on her desk, laying the turret on it's side.]

The voice is a nice touch. Kids will love it. I can probably extend the market to include some kind of child security model.

That is correct. The Turret's contain their own miniature Aperture Science Personality Core.

[Pretty useful for convincing people they're harmless...until the blow lead into your skull.

wait...did he mention giving KIDS these things.

...that might be amusing.]

Excellent idea, sir.

Personality core? That...does that mean I can create AIs with different personalities?

[ He laughs in enjoyment of the achievements this surely foreshadows. ]

Yes. You'll find Aperture's future quite bright.

[...kinda sorta.]

[ Cave nods, only just barely hearing her, still overcome by visions of his future success. Once he finished his daydream, he extends a hand, offering the time honored business tradition of a handshake.]

So good job! I mean, they're my designs of course, but you clearly know your way around some circuitry. You ever get bored of this place, let me know. You can just come work for me. Or would that be come back to work for me?

[ Cave briefly considers the proper tense of the verb, but quickly dismisses it.]

[GLaDOS looks at the outstrecthed hand a bit before finally taking it and shaking. She does hate contact, but it's Mr. Johnson, so she'll let it slide.]

I'll keep the offer in mind, sir.

[Cave turns and picks up his new turret, grinning madly. The boys in the lab were going to lose their minds.]

Well, with that bit of business out of the way, anything else for me? I can get you whatever you need as long as you keep new designs coming.

[GLaDOS grins herself, but it's certainly a bit...off. Who knows, maybe it's because she rarely smiles.]

Can't give you too many designs, with all due respect, Mr. Johnson. That being said, I may have one more device in mind.

[ 'One more'? Cave thought to himself. He would have argued the matter, but one was, in fact, more than none, and negotiations can always be brought up at a more advantageous point in time. ]

Do you now? And what kind of device might that be?

The "Long-Fall Boots". As the name would imply, they are a specially designed piece of footwear that allows the human body to fall or jump from extremely high surfaces without damaging itself.

[ Cave frowns, expression on his face showing his feelings on the matter before he says on word. ]

That sounds great and all but...you're certain? This...this, is what my company makes? These sold?

I suppose they would make out testing division run a bit more safely but...

[ Cave's frown leaves, replaced by an expression of growing uncertainty. ]

[Perfect. She's got him.]

Oh yes, quite well. But you don't seem very interested in it, so I suppose I won't even bother to mention that it's merely a foot-based suit of armor for the Dual Portal Device.

I'm sorry, dual whatnow?

[ His eyes widen. He knows EXACTLY whatnow. This is what he was hoping for. Not a trinket or bauble. No. This was going to be a discovery. How many nobel prizes can one man win? Because they'll have to increase it when he brings home THIS.

He leans in, attempting to hide the sheer WANT he has for this item.]

Now that...Dual Portal Device, you called it? That sounds like something interesting.

Oh, I'm sure it's nothing you're interested in. I'm sure you already have your own portal device back at Aperture...of course this one is the Dual Portal Device, and it is portable.

[S M I R K]

Portable?

[ Of course it is! It's from the future. It's everything he's dreamed of since taking over the company in the first place. ]

I think that would...be very much something I'm interested in.

[ Is it hot in here? Because Cave's beginning to sweat. The sheer excitement of the situation is written clearly on his face. ]

Are you sure? I wouldn't want you to regret it, after all.

[PFTT, like he'd regret it. She knows damn well how Cave works, after. Looks like Caroline good for something in her mind.]

[ Cave takes a deep breath, knowing that all efforts to contain himself have been futile at best. He puts his hands on her shoulders, in an effort to convey sincerity. ]

Look. Alright. It's patently obvious I'm interested. What do I need to do to make that happen?

[GLaDOS stiffens once Cave puts his hands on her shoulders. She hates being touched, but for the sake of her plans...and because it's Cave, she'll allow it.]

Very well. I'll need the materials, of course. However, this won't be the same as last time.

I want you to mass produce the Dual Portal Device and the Long Fall Boots. Afterwards, I'm going to need a shipment of them. I've...found a fresh batch of test subjects and would like to get to work.

[ Cave raises a brow curiously. He was going to be attempting to mass produce those items anyway, much like the cute little turret on the table. It wouldn't be much trouble at all to send her a shipment. ]

Done. However. I need to know the details for the tests you intend to undergo, along your express and binding agreement to duplicate me a copy of said test results.

I can't just give out shipments of company inventory, you understand. Just covering the expense.

3rd Test: Summer Announcement

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