Hello again everyone, this is Ms. GLaDOS. To those of you who are new and did not have the pleasure of being in my class, I am the computer teacher in this...fine academy.

[How did she say that with a straight face?]

At any rate, it's been a while since we last spoke, but I've been terribly busy. As such, I couldn't bother wasting my time with such trivial affairs as this. Luckily, I've finished my work so I can take a bit time off to address my students. Since you all mean so much to me, I've decided to host a summer class for Computers 101. That being said, I would like to be able to get into the more complex aspects of computers. Ergo, if you are uninformed in them, I strongly suggest taking up the summer class.

I'm not going to be babying anyone here, so don't expect handouts. You want to learn? Pay attention. That is all.

[PRIVATE TO CAVE JOHNSON]

Sir, the project you requested has been completed. Feel free to stop by my office to pick it up at any time.

[It's everyone's favorite asshole freckled blonde, Seth. He's splayed out in his computer chair, a white stick sticking out of the corner of his mouth, keeping himself cool with one of those gaudy hand fans.]

It's been so dreadfully hot out lately, all I want to do is lounge around and have someone fan me fan myself. It's not even worth going outside during the day any more.

[He sits up!] Did you know peaches supposedly lower your body temperature? I didn't know that! I looked it up on the internet just a moment ago. Such a shame there doesn't seem to be any peach trees growing wild around here. Neph, maybe you can plant some in the greenhouse for us~!

Until then I'll be fine with... artificial flavors. [He slowly pulls the peach-colored sucker out of his mouth with a resounding POP and licks his lips.] If you catch my drift...

These are really good, by the way. [He waggles it in the air before sticking it back in his mouth with a wink.]

( [ATTENTION DRUG LOLI ARMY: PRIVATE MESSAGE TO Ai, Riwane, Neph & Mary... )

Oh~ Right! Speaking of plants, Bulba I hope you don't mind I've taken some liberties with the empty hole in my heart side of the dorm that you left behind. It was just so big and empty and lonely I almost couldn't stand it. [He pulls away from the camera and it's obvious he has comfortably taken over all the empty space his former roommate has left behind. He's even acquired a fish tank. Uh... yeah that's one hell of a fish tank... taking up half of the other half of the dorm...]

If anyone needs me, I'll be at the lake after dusk. [Seth comes back into view. Rest assured, he'll be the only guy down there in a gaudy red-and-white striped bathing suit.] Someone needs to enjoy it before it evaporates away into a tiny mud puddle. No offense to those of you crowding around the swimming pool these days. I like a little less moron chlorine in my water.


[[MULTIPURPOSE POST! Respond to this video or get your action on. Seth will be down by the lake periodically, or more likely he can be found in BE-4 or wandering around campus after the air has cooled off a little. He's very open to selling some of those tasty looking lollipops, as I'm sure his distributors are. If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask. LET'S GET SOME LOLLIPOPS GOING AROUND.]]

[ The feed opens up with a lot of grumbling and static. ]

Is this damn thing on. Really. Blasted tinker toy. I really need to get around to bringing my own.


[ The screen clears up, revealing the warm, false smile of Cave Johnson. He was supposed to make some manner of introduction upon entering the academy. This was to make a good impression on the faculty, student body.

As such, it would come to no surprise of anyone that knew him that he procrastinated thoroughly on such an important endeavor. Even now, he had to force himself to go through with this. He didn't really see the point. None of these people were likely to be of any importance. Oh well, on with the show. ]


( Who's ready to make some science? )