A Maxmessage

[tank_rockarms]

Yeah okay so, I realize the moon's fallin' down and everything's crazy and somebody stole some masks, but whoever's sendin' a bunch of cheapass robots all over the volcano needs to let up with the cheapass robots. They get in my forge, I gotta bap 'em, a little... rabbit or squirrel or puppy pops out... and then I got all of this extra broken robot junk just lyin' around and all of these tiny animals hangin' around all happy that they ain't inside of a robot no more. I'm tryin' to make extra weapons in case of, you know, more giant monster attack things.

Just keep your puppy-powered robots out of my stuff.

Comments

[iamtheeggman]

STOP BREAKING MY ROBOTS!!!

[lovely_wind]

Dahling, have you considered that your robots aren't being very effective right now?

[iamtheeggman]

THEY ARE LITERALLY DOING NOTHING BUT PATROLLING MY NEW LAIR!!

[lovely_wind]

They're not doing a very good job if a few bops on the head can break them.

[iamtheeggman]

THEY'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT PART!! HAVE YOU SEEN HIS BICEPS?! THEY'RE THE SIZE OF MY HEAD!!

[lovely_wind]

Well, if you're both going to share the same space, why don't you try working together? You both like building things!

[iamtheeggman]

ME? Work with HIM!?!

[lovely_wind]

Perhaps the two of you could make your robots stronger! He could test them for you!

[She sounds entirely too excited about this, like a mom setting up a playdate with kids or something.]

[iamtheeggman]

BUT I DON'T WANNA!!

[lovely_wind]

I think it would be a wonderful opportunity! And you have so much in common already!

[iamtheeggman]

I don't want ANYONE who had something to do with the Egg Carrier's crash anywhere NEAR my lab! Who know what they'd try to do to my stuff when I'm not looking?!

Besides. I kind of... turned him into a Friendship Pony once by accident, and he's carrying a grudge.

[lovely_wind]

You should really know better than to turn people into Friendship Ponies, then!

[iamtheeggman]

I SAID IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!!

[tank_rockarms]

Stop sendin' your robots into my forge and maybe I'll stop breakin' the things!

[iamtheeggman]

YOUR FORGE IS ON MY PRIVATE PROPERTY!!

[tank_rockarms]

Like hell it is. My forge has been on this volcano for like three years.

You don't own squat.

[iamtheeggman]

You see that big white tower with my face on it?

THAT SAYS I OWN THIS VOLCANO. SO CLEAR OUT!!

[tank_rockarms]

How about 'no,' and also 'no.'

[iamtheeggman]

HOW DO YOU NOT SEE IT?! IT'S RIGHT THERE!!!

[needsmorebiceps]

Just because some guy shows up with a whatever-it-is with his ugly mug slapped all over it don't mean he owns nothin'.

I was here before you. Learn to share.

[iamtheeggman]

OOOH, A LESSON ABOUT SHARING FROM THE MAN WHO KEEPS BLOWING UP HIS NEIGHBOUR'S THINGS!!

[needsmorebiceps]

ONE: THEY FALL APART IF YOU LOOK AT THEM FUNNY, SO THE FACT THAT THEY BLOW UP IS MORE YOUR FAULT THAN MINE.

AND TWO: THEY WANDER INTO MY FORGE, MOVE MY STUFF AROUND, AND MAKE MESSES. YOU'RE THE GUY SENDIN' ROBOTS IN TO MY. WORK. AREA.

[iamtheeggman]

MY ROBOTS ARE NOT THAT POOR QUALITY!!!

AND YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! AS WE ESTABLISHED, THIS IS MY VOLCANO!!!

[needsmorebiceps]

Listen, pal, you're a bully, plain and simple.

I don't gotta listen to bullies. You moved in, said it was yours, and didn't care if anybody else was there and usin' the space. You're a bully. And I don't gotta listen to bullies. I ain't movin'.

And yeah, they're pretty much the worst robots I've ever seen.

[iamtheeggman]

I AM A BULLY!! IT'S ONE OF MY BEST FEATURES!!!

AND IF YOU WANT TO SEE QUALITY ROBOTS, THEN HAVE I GOT SOME PRESENTS FOR YOU!!! Once I finish repairing them.

[tank_rockarms]

Pal, I had to fight a guy who could summon giant meteors to fall down on an entire battlefield. If you think I'm afraid of you or your stupid threats, you're out of your gourd.

[iamtheeggman]

WELL GET READY FOR THE HURT!! IN A FEW DAYS WHEN I GET MY NEW ROBOTS READY!!!

[tank_rockarms]

You ain't got it in you to take me down. Learn to share, and stop bein' a giant baby.

[iamtheeggman]

I AM NOT A GIANT BABY!!!

[tank_rockarms]

If you ain't a baby, then stop yellin' and cryin' like a baby.

[iamtheeggman]

WE'LL SEE WHO'S THE BABY HERE!!!

[HANGS UP DRAMATICALLY]

[monotreme_101]

Smash every single one of 'em you find, man. Those are Eggman's robots. Those animals shouldn't even BE in there.

And hey, at least you get metal to use in your forge out of the deal, right? I mean, Eggman's a stupid jerk so it's probably cheap metal, like aluminum cans and tinfoil or whatever. But you can probably use it for... I dunno. Paperweights or somethin'.

[tank_rockarms]

The metal's all terrible quality. It'd take more time and effort to get all of the impurities out than it'd be to just buy pig iron and turn it into steel myself. I could do it, but it just ain't worth it.

I don't even know where you get metal this bad. It's an insult just to handle the stuff.

[monotreme_101]

He probably melts down all his soda cans and mixes in chip packets and Styrofoam cups and all kinds of other garbage.

He's a terrible person. You should knock his lair off your volcano. I'll totally help you, if you want.

[tank_rockarms]

If he's willin' to act nice and share, I won't have to knock his lair off of the volcano.

But if he ain't, it's good to know you're there to help out.

[monotreme_101]

He won't be. And even if he SAYS he is, he's lying. He does that a lot. It's kinda his 'thing'.

I figure I can just punch through whatever foundations are holding the stupid thing in place - if I do it right, might be able to just knock the base into the lava. Once I've evacuated any of the animals he keeps prisoner there, of course. And him, too, I guess.

[tank_rockarms]

So why do all of his robots run off of little forest animals? It's weird, right? That seems weird.

[monotreme_101]

Because he's a sadistic freak, that's why. He uses their life energy to power the machines. All life to him is just something to be used and then thrown away when it holds no more value to his sick cause...

[He's getting mad even talking about it.]

I hate that guy.

[tank_rockarms]

He sounds kinda like this Von Bolt guy I fought one time. He was drainin' the life force of an entire continent just to keep himself alive forever.

Had to knock the crap out of him and his army a few times to get him to shut it down and quit it.

[monotreme_101]

I've broken more of his robots than I can count and Eggy still hasn't gotten the message. Guy just doesn't know when to quit. Some folks are like that. Too dumb and stubborn to know when they're beaten.