[Video]

[loveisbloominginmypants]

[Snake's in his personal quarters, looking about as languid as he typically has been. He's propped back in his chair. Binder's flipped open. He appears to be grading... something. Probably an essay on what everyone learned at the Box Camp. At least the people who went. Anyone who didn't and wrote an essay was probably spouting bullshit.

Good thing he can bullshit real well.]

Huh. Last time I was going to say something, I was getting hit on by a woman - and not in the good way. [It's true. Last time he was on the network, Eli was beating him down for being drunk. He's amazingly sober this time around.]

I've got some good news for my students. [He waves some loose papers back and forth.] These aren't half bad. I'm beginning to think you guys are actually listening.

[A pause.]

Bad news is. If you didn't show up to that outing and you turned something in anyway, you're not getting any credit for it. Because you weren't there. I guess your punishment is that you have to eat a panel of a box. If you have any questions about what that's like, go see Captain Falcon and Instructor Aran. I'm sure they can tell you all about it.

[He can too, but he's not going to.] Next paper's going to be on the evolution of boxes and their advancements over time. [In short, come to another class of Boxes 101 where Snake pretends to be this guy named Pliskin and spouts random crap for forty-five minutes to an hour.]

Comments

[audio]

[explosion_day]

[Rick was coincidentally busy being a dumb scruffy blonde humany human last Snake's network post, but now that he's a core he's going to oblige his curiosity and dig around in the archives for what he's implying.

Oh yeah, that's the goods.]

Ha ha, yeah last time you got walloped pretty bad, didn't ya?

[audio]

[loveisbloominginmypants]

[Oh hey. It's his smoking buddy. Snake's not forgotten him, or how uncool he is.]

That's not even the half of it. You only caught the part before she broke the damn thing. She was a snake with a temper.

[It's funny because it's true.]

[explosion_day]

[HE'S TOTALLY COOL YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH]

See, usually that's not how you impress a woman. Usually you gotta' fight something big and nasty other than her.

[loveisbloominginmypants]

[NO HE IS TOTALLY NOT COOL HE IS A DUMB SHIT OKAY]

She wasn't big or nasty. Just temperamental.

[Aww. Snake kind of misses her.]

Whatever the case, we weren't in it to impress each other. I didn't need to impress her. That's not how the arrangement went.

[explosion_day]

[YEAH WELL YOU'RE A DUMB SHIT WHO GOT BEAT UP BY A GIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLL]

Where's the fun in that?! Serious question.

[loveisbloominginmypants]

[SHUT UP. MAYBE I LIKED IT OKAY.]

Because sometimes it's not all about who you're impressing.

[Fuck, this is about to get into 'can love bloom on a battlefield' conversation and Snake knows it.]

Sometimes it's about- [NO. WE'RE NOT DOING THIS.] -about something more.

[explosion_day]

[Yeah Rick knows how that is. He knows that feel bro. But you're still dumb.]

Somethin' more? Like what--how much you make someone else jealous while you're impressing or--

[OH WAIT. Something clicks in that adventure-orientated hard drive of his.]

...unless you're talkin' candlelight romance and gentle caresses then hoooo boy, you obviously need a lot of work.

[loveisbloominginmypants]

...

[He says nothing at first, because wow what the hell do you even say to that. And Snake doesn't want to talk about CANDLELIGHT ROMANCE or GENTLE CARESSES. His hands are too coarse for gentle caresses.]

Not sure you're as much a ladies' man as you're trying to be. I'm also not sure I'd trust you as my wingman.

[explosion_day]

Oh yeah? How many dates have you been on since you've been here, huh? Kisses? Dances? 'Cause I'm keeping a tally and if your last experience was any indicator that probably puts you in like, the negative lady points range.

And that's just sad.

[loveisbloominginmypants]

I've probably been on more than you. I've been on enough that I can't count them all. [He can count at least four, but there have probably been more. And most of them were with Eli.]

I can tell you I've had more kisses than dates and I don't dance, so the dancing thing is moot. So you start dishing out numbers of how many you've had and I'll try to give you a specific number.

No lying, now.

[explosion_day]

Thirty-three kisses, fifty-five dances, twenty-two official dates and a whole lotta' unofficial dates, too numerous to quantify.

[loveisbloominginmypants]

You're bullshitting.

[Rick can't be serious. He's so fucking full of it.]

[explosion_day]

What, you want me to start namin' names now too? Fine. Go ask Cammy! Go ask Eirika or Chell or Blue.

Or GLaDOS or Evve if they were here. [mutter mutter grumble grumble]

[loveisbloominginmypants]

Yeah. You're full of shit.
I am going to ask and when you get beat up, I'll know you were lying all along.

[explosion_day]

And when I'm proven right I'm gonna' take that all the way to the bank.

Ka-ching. Cash it in and buy myself a new Plis-skinned hat.

Oh that was a good one. Plis-skinned hat. I amaze myself.

[loveisbloominginmypants]

You're a dipshit.

[Yeah. You really are. You jerk.]