smashacademy | [Video]

[Snake's in his personal quarters, looking about as languid as he typically has been. He's propped back in his chair. Binder's flipped open. He appears to be grading... something. Probably an essay on what everyone learned at the Box Camp. At least the people who went. Anyone who didn't and wrote an essay was probably spouting bullshit.

Good thing he can bullshit real well.]

Huh. Last time I was going to say something, I was getting hit on by a woman - and not in the good way. [It's true. Last time he was on the network, Eli was beating him down for being drunk. He's amazingly sober this time around.]

I've got some good news for my students. [He waves some loose papers back and forth.] These aren't half bad. I'm beginning to think you guys are actually listening.

[A pause.]

Bad news is. If you didn't show up to that outing and you turned something in anyway, you're not getting any credit for it. Because you weren't there. I guess your punishment is that you have to eat a panel of a box. If you have any questions about what that's like, go see Captain Falcon and Instructor Aran. I'm sure they can tell you all about it.

[He can too, but he's not going to.] Next paper's going to be on the evolution of boxes and their advancements over time. [In short, come to another class of Boxes 101 where Snake pretends to be this guy named Pliskin and spouts random crap for forty-five minutes to an hour.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yes, I realize this, Snake-sensei! I am just surprised that a human body can handle eating cardboard... I always thought that it would be unpleasant.

[ In fact, he still has to wonder about that. He sure as heck isn't giving that a shot any time soon. ]

I'm about as surprised as you. And I'm not about to say it's a pleasant experience, because I didn't find it to be. But there are definitely worse things.

I see...

Well, Snake-sensei, do you think something could be learned from this? Perhaps that cardboard boxes are a good source of fiber if it's the only thing available to eat?

[ He's-

He's trying. Promise. ]

...

[Snake simply stares at him. He wasn't even thinking about the nutritional facts where boxes are concerned.]

I guess you could say that. In a worst case scenario and you have nothing else to eat, a box could be a last resort. If it was necessary.

So wise...! I couldn't expect anything less from you, Snake-sensei! Thank you very much for the information. I will keep that in mind.

[ What, does he plan on eating boxes at some point?! Well, if he's ever stranded somewhere, he's got plenty, so... ]

[This is great. This kid thinks he's wise. Snake's ego could almost overinflate and explode. Except.

Snake's already full of himself as it is.]

Don't go eating boxes on a regular basis, got it? There's a cafeteria here for a reason.

[ YEAH OF COURSE HE IS, THAT PIZZA SHIT. ]

Ah, of course, Snake-sensei! I would only think of eating boxes if it was an absolutely necessity. They do sound a bit, um... abrasive.

That's one way of putting it. Only the finest gourmet boxes should be the ones you're eating.

[That doesn't even exist, Snake; just shut up.]

If you're going to, anyway. If I find a way to make a box more acceptable, I'll be sure to let you and the rest of the class know.

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