[VIDEO] - MAX IS LAME, BEAR EARS EDITION

[tank_rockarms]

A video from Max appears on the network.

Vinnie must have helped him make it.



Max is clearly wearing a pair of steel bear ears on the top of his head.

"I made a bunch of animal ears down at the forge. Like, to wear on your head. If you wanna wear 'em to show your solidarity, you can come get some from me. Free. Don't cost you nothin'."

Max pauses and takes a breath. "Lemme just say one thing. I been in a situation where people decided to pit all sortsa groups against each other so they could take advantage of all of us while we were fightin' with each other. Don't let whatever pack of douchebags who's behind all of this whatever the heck it is push you around into bein' afraid. A lotta my friends are pokemon or echidna guys or all sorts of stuff. And just let me say -- you pull shit on one of my friends you got these to answer for."

And here, dear viewer, Max flexes into the camera. Slowpoke appears over Max's shoulder somehow, grinning happily into the camera that he isn't aware is there yet. Your computer screen probably just broke from the sheer majesty of it all.

In case your screen didn't break, what you see is an exasperated Vinnie appearing from behind Max (he was evidently here the entire time, but just, you know, eclipsed by Max's giant biceps) leaning over to push the very obvious 'video on/off' button that Max has no idea how to work. The video feed cuts off.

Comments

[voice]

[testgasm]

Okay, uh, hang on.

First off, I'm not sure where you got the idea that all non-humans are automatically animals. Second, how, exactly, do you expect this to help?

TEXT

[tank_rockarms]

I know they all ain't animals but I don't know how to make a thing that can work for everybody.

And it helps by lettin' people SEE that there's support.

It's soft power.

[testgasm]

Yeah, see, you putting on a pair of fake ears does absolutely nothing for me. Or--or anyone, really, you're just walking around with a pair of fake ears.

And the--and the big problem, here, is the fact that it's practically effortless for you to take the ears off.

[tank_rockarms]

Then you tell me what in the world I'm supposed to do to combat all of this race-based hate that's floatin' around.

I'm an army guy and a blacksmith. I can either punch someone, blow somethin' up or I can make somethin' out of metal. That's what I do good.

[testgasm]

Stop lumping all non-humans into one category, to start.

Then take off the ears, because it's insulting, honestly.

[needsmorebiceps]

I ain't the one who's lumping all non-humans into one category. Watch the news and tell me how that's workin' out. I ain't the one drawin' the lines here. I'm tryin' to find a way to respond to the lines that somebody else drew.

So far you ain't told me what to DO to make a difference, you just keep tellin' me things to stop doin' that, if I stop doin' them I got nothin' to do in response.

So first, you tell me what I do INSTEAD before I change what I'm doing. Tellin' me to stop does nothin'. It shows no support. It sends no message.

I sent hundreds of good men off to their deaths to kill thousands more over people settin' groups up against each other for no good reason. If I can at least try to stop that from happening again, I'll be as damn insulting as I goddamned well please.

Tell me how many good men and women YOU sent off to die because you got caught up in the middle of some dictator startin' up a war between allies.

[testgasm]

Okay, first off, I don't actually care how many humans you've killed, it's not--it's not relevant, and it's really not making you look good, here, if you've--if you've done that.

Second, the fact that all the ears you've made are animal ears completely fails to recognize that there are other types of non-humans, some of which aren't even organic! Did you think of that?

If you were actually listening, instead of being so caught up in how noble you are for helping us poor non-humans, you'd realize I am telling you what you can do. You can stop. We don't need this kind of help, and we certainly don't need humans running around pretending like they know what's best for us.

How about I put on a mask of your face and walk around yelling about how I'm doing it to support those poor, oppressed humans, that I understand what they go through. What's that going to do? Nothing except insult people, probably. If you've got non-human friends, you don't need to put on a headband for them to know you're supportive,honestly. So you want to know what you can do instead of this? Stop being a dense idiot, get rid of the ears, and take your solidarity and shove it. That's what you can do.

[CHECK

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