[video] Bowser Posts a Thing

[ihateplumbers]

So, you're probably all wondering where I've been for the last few days. Literally nobody has noticed or cared I'll let you all know.

I had my time-machine rebuilt, and was off exploring the wonders of history.

Learning about history can be fun. Let me show you some of the wonders.

::Bowser holds a bladed staff weapon up.:: This is a Taiaha. Maori warriors used to use them to invent trench warfare. What's trench warfare, you ask? Nobody knows anymore, because none of the Maori have Taiahas anymore.

::Bowser holds up a set of brushes.:: Did you know that Michelangelo painted a ton of naked people all over a church one time? Well, not without his brushes he didn't. Junior did a much better job at painting it over, anyway.

::Bowser holds up an old camera:: Eadweard Muybridge pioneered stop-motion photography, until his camera went missing. Today he's remembered most for getting away with killing his wife's lover.

::Bowser holds up a series of papers:: Did you know that Canada was supposed to be founded on July 1, 1867, but due to some inconvenient paperwork mistakes, it was actually not founded until September 5, 1867, at the height of Canadian winter? It's true.

And that's why history can be fun.

Comments

[iamtheeggman]

You have a time machine, and you haven't used it to kill Mario yet?

[ihateplumbers]

Why would I use a time machine to kill Mario?

[iamtheeggman]

Because why else would someone as evil as you HAVE a time machine?!

[ihateplumbers]

Dick around with history for kicks?

[iamtheeggman]

Are you at LEAST using it to alter events to ensure your eventual domination of the Mushroom Kingdom?

[ihateplumbers]

It only goes back in time to some weird parallel universe where there are make-believe places called Canada and New Zealand and USA.

[iamtheeggman]

...

What a WASTE of time and resources.

[ihateplumbers]

Sometimes you have the play the hand you're dealt. These made-up people in USA-land and Canada-land freak out whenever I show up, so visiting is fun for me.

[iamtheeggman]

Well. You could always try to conquer some strange alternate universe, I suppose.

The last time I had a time machine, I almost succeeded in remaking history in my image.

[ihateplumbers]

The last time I had one, Mario blew it up.

[iamtheeggman]

The last time I had one, Sonic blew it up.

[ihateplumbers]

Life is cruel.

[punchtheflute]

Wooooah - You really are AMAZING, your Burliness! Thank you for entertaining AND educating us! Not necessarily in that order!

[ihateplumbers]

Your enthusiasm for how great I am is always appreciated.

[punchtheflute]

Well I always appreciate how great you are so it works out perfectly, Sir!

[He's not even being sarcastic or ironic or anything. He is absolutely entirely earnest in this proclamation.]

[ihateplumbers]

I wish I had more minions like you.

[punchtheflute]

I do my very best to motivate all of our troops, your Burliness! I want to be a model minion and inspiration to them, so, hopefully one day your wish will come true!

[He can only open that door. It's up to them to walk through it, am I right?]

not here, but she saw the video

[almost_a_mermaid]

[Oh my god, did he just change the past? Render historical events nonexistent???

HOLY. THAT'S SUPER SCARY.]

Re: not here, but she saw the video

[ihateplumbers]

::WELCOME TO A THING THAT HAPPENED IN A VIDEOGAME THAT WAS ACTUALLY MADE. WELCOME TO THE STRANGE REALM OF 90s-ERA MARIO GAMES. WELCOME TO MY SHINY REALM OF INSANITY.::

[fakespeech]

Wow, going back in time and taking things out as souvenirs! That must be fun. I've only traveled to different worlds and spaces, but I haven't tried going back in time!

Can I try going back in time with your time machine~?

[ihateplumbers]

If I sent you back in time, what would you do while you were somewhere in the past?

[fakespeech]

Hmm, well it's fun to have games, right? I'll give them toys to play with! Maybe even better if it's something they've never seen before, so they can have fun learning what it is!

[Who knows what toys he means. Regular kids' toys? He definitely would like to bring things from the future to the past and see what happens.

He just doesn't explain it well enough.]

[ihateplumbers]

That sounds awful. Request denied.

[fakespeech]

Ouch, so harsh~!

But I do want to create the thing called time paradox~! I want to know if it really ends the world or not!

[ihateplumbers]

How do you intend to create time paradoxes with games?

[bunnyfears]

Uh, are you really sure you wanna go messing with time like that? What if you mess something up and you're never even born??

[ihateplumbers]

It's some alternative reality with fake places in it like PRUSSIA and the AUSTRIO-HUNGARIAN EMPIRE.

I'll be perfectly fine, rabbit.

[liberatedempath]

[Voile stares at all of this blankly for many moments.]

So... you went back in time to basically ruin a lot of peoples' lives. Haven't you heard what storybooks say? You're not supposed to go change the past because you could drastically alter the present.

If something happens and goes wrong, we will all know who to blame.

[ihateplumbers]

I'm confused about how you breathe with all of that condescension choking up your air.

[liberatedempath]

What I say is not meant to be taken as an accusation, but I get the feeling you'll take it as one anyway. For me to be condescending, I would have to be acting as if you were inferior. Since I don't know you as a person, I can't make that judgment.

However, if books are right about time travel, which I can't imagine they'd be lying, then travelling back in time is not only dangerous and reckless, but foolish. I'm drawing a logical conclusion between your actions and possible consequences.

Since you're the etiquette instructor, I expect you to know your vocabulary.

[ihateplumbers]

1. I don't care about made up places like USA and Canada, so it doesn't really matter.

2. I don't care about your definitions.

3. I know everything I need to be able to teach my class, so you can shove a sock in it you robust virago.

[liberatedempath]

Are you this rude to everyone or just to people who prove you wrong? I think you are too defensive.

But I suppose a wall is just a wall. Enjoy your consequences, Professor.