Amazing Hagakure Text Post For These Trying Times

[crystal_ballin]

I'm running out of toilet paper and food in the surprisingly big janitor's closet that I locked myself in about three weeks ago, dude. 川o･-･)ﾉ If anyone is alive and can read this, please send more toilet paper and food. There's a toilet in here. ⊃゜Д゜）⊃ Like a secret toilet, dude. It's a really nice janitor's closet. There's a bunch of old videogame systems and a TV in the secret toilet room. But not too nice. Not nice enough that anyone else should stay in here with me. ( •᷄⌓•᷅ )

Please help me not starve, okay thanks, dude. (oﾟ□ﾟ)o Message me back soon to let me know you're alive and can help out. Reduced price fortunetelling for anybody who helps. (•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑

Comments

[crystal_ballin]

＼＼\ ٩(๑❛ワ❛๑)و //／／
Actually some other guy already unlocked the door and broke it so I can't lock it anymore? So now I don't feel safe in here??? So maybe you can come escort me to somewhere safer?????? Joel-sensei???????????? I'm near the gym.
\ \ \ೕ( ･ㅂ･)و / / /

[Text -> Action.]

[golonghorns]

I'm still taking the door off of its hinges. Just in case.

[He didn't want you finding some way to jury rig the lock back together, Hagakure.

It's a little bit sad that he has that much faith in your ability to do something practical like half assedly fix a lock, isn't it?

And lo, here is Joel Sensei, hatchet in hand, getting ready to take this door off of its hinges once and for all. You can hear the splintering of wood pretty much right away.]]

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[crystal_ballin]

::A voice from beyond the breaking door::

Dude, have you ever felt like Cassandra at the gates of Troy, able to see the future but know that you can do nothing to prevent it, because nobody would ever believe you, but still shrieking out against the coming doom, then seeking sanctuary from the advancing army at the Temple of Athena because it's the end, but knowing, knowing, that the Greeks were coming anyway, no matter what you did? And so all you can do is go to the temple and wait for the city to be pillaged and burned, knowing that the immovable hand of fate has already cast the die?

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[golonghorns]

[Joel's first instinct was to dismiss this as Hagakure's usual drivel. He set the hatchet down and pulled the door the rest of the way off its hinges with a final splintering crackle, setting it against the wall and looking on into Hagakure's toilet closet.]

....no. Can't say as I have.

[He scratched at his beard and shrugged.]

But I've been in plenty of buildings where there's hordes of angry infected tryin' to get in to eat me. And I've thought to myself 'Shit. This is it. This is how I go.' and maybe it ain't what you can do. It ain't supernatural or psychic or even Miss Cleo. But it's a thought. And it's a thought that should, by all accounts, be a prophecy. Because I should be dead now more times'n I can count. But I don't go to the temple and wait. You get me, son? I ain't waiting for anything. I pick up arms. Because even if it's inevitable and even if the die is cast and I can't change anything... even then, I'll make fate work as hard as I can before it gets to pin my hide on its wall.

[crystal_ballin]

Wow, that's really inspiring.

::pause::

I'd still feel better hiding in the closet, though.

::And there's the Hagakure we all know and love.::

[golonghorns]

[Yep. There his is. Right on schedule.]

Unfortunately, you don't get to hide in the closet.

How long have you been without food?

[crystal_ballin]

I dunno, I had a bunch of ramen noodles that lasted a really long time. Probably, like, a day? There's no window in the closet, so I can't see the sun or anything. And I don't trust phones to tell the time -- who knows who could hack into my phone and change the time. So, probably a day.

::It was like four hours.::

[golonghorns]

C'mon. Let's get you fed. Everythin'll look brighter on a full stomach.

[Probably. He had no idea how Hagakure's head worked, but it usually improved his own disposition.]