Amazing Hagakure Text Post For These Trying Times

[crystal_ballin]

I'm running out of toilet paper and food in the surprisingly big janitor's closet that I locked myself in about three weeks ago, dude. 川o･-･)ﾉ If anyone is alive and can read this, please send more toilet paper and food. There's a toilet in here. ⊃゜Д゜）⊃ Like a secret toilet, dude. It's a really nice janitor's closet. There's a bunch of old videogame systems and a TV in the secret toilet room. But not too nice. Not nice enough that anyone else should stay in here with me. ( •᷄⌓•᷅ )

Please help me not starve, okay thanks, dude. (oﾟ□ﾟ)o Message me back soon to let me know you're alive and can help out. Reduced price fortunetelling for anybody who helps. (•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑

Comments

[itsjustrats]

i think i know where that is.

[A FEW MINUTES LATER, Hagakure will hear the doorknob jiggling as if somebody were trying to unlock it.]

[crystal_ballin]

Wait! Who's there, dude!?!? I don't need anyone coming in, I just need someone to bring me things and, like, leave them outside. I'm fine in here! No need to open the door! It's locked!

[itsjustrats]

[TOO LATE, door is open thanks to handy dandy lockpicks.]

There, now you can get it yourself.

[crystal_ballin]

What, dude, how did you... did you break the lock? Dude??? DUDE?????

::Wow Hagakure is like two seconds away from crying::

[itsjustrats]

[Wow. Wow. Implying Garrett is an amateur. Rude. Wow. I can't even.]

...I picked the lock.

[WOW.]

I hate to break this to you, but locking yourself in a closet isn't gonna save you from the moon crashing into the earth.

[crystal_ballin]

::HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT IT IS THAT YOU DO, GARRETT. IT'S NOT LIKE YOU ARE WEARING A SHIRT THAT SAYS "I AM A MASTER THIEF," GARRETT.::

Dude, now the moon can get in.

::You broke him, Garrett. You broke this poor, poor husk of a man.::

[itsjustrats]

[UM. YEAH. AREN'T YOU LIKE PSYCHIC OR SOMETHING JEEZ.]

...Are you serious right now.

[crystal_ballin]

I don't know?

::At least he's truthful about being an idiot.::

[itsjustrats]

How...big... do you think the moon is, anyway.

[Please don't be as dumb as Garrett thinks you are right now.]

[crystal_ballin]

You think I paid attention to science classes in school, dude? I don't have time for that, I'm a psychic. I don't know, probably, like, way bigger than a bus?