smashacademy | [012]

I think I'd be a pretty OK Dad, probably? I don't remember mine. I guess Snorlax Dads in the wild don't really hang around. Or maybe mine just wasn't a very good one. Or maybe I was just asleep whenever he was around because really, I don't remember much about my Mom either except that she was really soft to sleep on and she fed me really well.

But I like kids and I like taking care of people. So, probably I'd do OK.

Why do you ask?

Curiosity mostly.

[His eyebrows lifted and he blinked.]

I suppose I never talk about it, so I never think about it. It just seemed like a thing to discuss. Or something to talk about. It's interesting to get your perspective on things. That's all.

Hmm. I guess!

What about you? Did you ever think about eggs before? I think you would make a really good... parent.

[He'd been going to say Mom. But. Not quite. Not today, anyway.]

You're always working hard to look after people and make sure everyone is OK, and you're always very sweet and kind.

You're not the first person to say that. I've heard it before. And no, I can honestly say I haven't. Again, never anything I've considered since I never talked about it. I guess I'd be pretty good at it. Not sure how to take care of real young people, though.

I don't know either. I guess it's different, species to species. I mean, Humans are really weird, huh? They don't even leave their Mom's home until they're Ten! Imagine if Pokémon were like that.

[He could just imagine trying to share a cave with a rough approximation of his own Mother and possible siblings at ten years of age. There would be no cavern large enough.]

[He almost can't weigh in on it. Because he didn't know how old he was when he was caught by Delian. Numbers and ages were remarkably irrelevant to the family and only gained relevance in the academy when defined by the headmaster.]

I guess it'd depend on the pokemon. I'm sure the small ones wouldn't have an issue with it. Magikarp and what not.

Probably not. But I think the smaller ones probably leave home first. Like, have you ever seen a Butterfree looking after a bunch of Caterpies? Or, I guess in Hoenn it would be Beautifly and Wurmple, right?

[Hehe... Wurmple. Their faces kind of looked like butts.]

I don't know if I would want to spend time around a Gyarados if I was a little Magikarp. Even if it WAS my Mom.

Yeah. That's right. Although by this point, I get the feeling that Butterfrees and Caterpies will soon be introduced to the region. If they're not already there. Evidently region travelling is the new thing.

[He paused for some moments, giving consideration what life would be like as a useless Magikarp.]

...Did you just imply that Magikarp and Gyarados are potentially cannibalistic?

I think it would be so, so cool to see more regions! I don't know if that would really count as introducing Snorlax to a region. It's not like I'd be settling down, there!

[Suddenly, Snorlax in Unova!]

I'm not implying anything! Alllll I'm saying is, with a temper that bad and a mouth that big.....

[He's mostly kidding. Mostly.]

[He doesn't get it. Briefly a blank look crosses his features and he simply stares at Sonny. And then his posture straightens and he gives a bit of an idle shrug.]

Mm... You could have a lot of illegitimate Snorlax children when you visit. That would count as introducing Snorlax to a different region.

[Except Voile's not kidding. But he's also not giving it deep thought. To get Sonny to even remotely settle down, he's pretty sure that would require a female Snorlax, considering Gardevoir and Snorlaxes don't share an egg group.]

[All you really need is some open minded Ditto!]

I don't know if I would want to do that! I never really saw deadbeat Dad as a career option! Haha! Besides, Snorlaxes do best in an environment that's got enough food to spare. I would have to be really careful where I fathered my tribe of fuzzy little garbage disposals! I wouldn't want to be the cause of a region's destroyed ecosystem.

[He knew his nature documentaries.]

Fuzzy... little... garbage disposals. That seems like an awful way to describe your offspring, Sonny.

[But that got him thinking. The children of Gardevoir were what? Empathic and potentially dangerous.]

I suppose you've got a point, though.

They won't mind, I bet. Red's Mom called me a Big Fuzzy Garbage Disposal, once! I thought it was pretty funny!

Trust me. We're a proud race of Pokémon who can eat nearly anything. It's a compliment!

I guess only a family of Snorlaxes would actually think that...

[Because to be honest, Voile didn't hear any part of that, that sounded like a compliment. It just sounded mean.

Kind of like calling a Gardevoir hypersensitive—even if that was true.]

What exactly is in your diet, anyway? Do you literally eat anything and everything?

Not everything? Like... we can't eat dirt. Or plastic. Or rocks. Tried it. It's.... It gets uncomfortable! But we mostly eat plants, meat. I mean, when I lived in the mountains, mostly I'd eat pine needles, pinecones, bamboo, carrion - lots of Pokémon can't survive in the mountains when it gets really cold - fish I could catch from the rivers. Berries, when you could find them. There's not much loamy soil in the mountains, but every so often you could get them. In the foothills, you could find more trees, vines... we have really strong teeth so I could eat plants that other Pokémon can't. Thorn bushes and hard shelled nuts. Apricorns.

[He shrugged.]

I prefer Doritos, pizza and sandwiches. But I can eat just about anything that's organic. When Red found me, I was sick from eating actual garbage from behind the Celadon department store. I didn't know that when you're eating leftovers? You need to avoid the plastic bits and cardboard. I'd turned into a for-real garbage disposal, but it didn't agree with me.

[Voile had to wonder why'd he even try when most of what was on his list of inedible food didn't even seem appetising. Dirt. Plastic. Rocks. None of that seemed delightful by any means.

But then Voile was particular enough that he pretty much found he likes Pokéblocks more than anything else. On the other hand, he was close enough to a diva that he should have been considered one. No matter how well he hid his finicky demeanour beneath what appeared to be open-ended kindness and tolerance.]

...Huh. I guess it is possible to be caught in an undignified way. [He scratched at his chin before remembering his goatee and found himself stroking it with some contemplation.] I think we should just keep you eating normal food then. And naturally, the same for any of your offspring.

Look, there's a time in every young Snorlaxes life when he or she is going to be experimental about what they eat. We're always hungry and if there's nothing good around....

[He shrugged. He wouldn't want to take those learning experiences away from his kids. 'Yes, Sonny Jr. That handful of gravel WAS nasty. Now you know never to eat it again. Try these pop rocks instead! Or at least put some ketchup on the gravel next time.']

But I'm older and wiser, now. There's no need to chew on soda bottles when there's such a thing as lasagna in the world. And tater tots.

As any child would without parents to instruct them otherwise. I at least knew not to be putting things in my body that didn't need to be there.

[No dirt and gravel for the Gardevoir. Only the finest berries of the finest trees.]

I expect you to be a better parent to your children than yours must have been to you. What were they like, anyway? You never talk about your family before Red caught you. I'm sure you had one, right?

Didn't I mention them? Hmm. Well, I never really met my Dad! I don't know if he stayed around? Maybe I just slept through his visits. Mom never mentioned him. But we didn't talk much anyway because when we were awake together, usually we were eating. Usually I was awake when she was asleep or the other way around. At least, that's what I remember - maybe it was different when I was a really little baby.

[He shrugged.]

Mostly I just remember her being really warm and comfy to curl up with and she used to bring back lots of pine boughs and stuff for me to chew on. I think I'd like to be a bit more involved with my kids than my parents were with me! Being in a Human kind of form would help a lot with that. I don't have to eat or sleep as much when I'm like this, after all.

[Voile could earnestly remember Sonny talking about his family too much. Maybe more than he ever had, but still. His knowledge was sparse at best where the Snorlax and his kin were concerned.]

I agree that these humanised forms are convenient for a plethora of reasons. We can do several things with them that we couldn't otherwise.

[He got the feeling that egg group compatibility probably didn't mean a damn when it came to human forms. After all, procreation between Pokémon was different in a Pokémon form. Although he still had to wonder if the ending result of two humanised Pokémon would be an egg or an actual living, breathing thing.

Like humans. Who the hell even knew. And Brock would be the one to ask. Voile made a mental note to investigate just such a thing.]

Parenting included.

....you know, way back when we first started spending more time together? I was really worried that you would get bored. Because I eat and sleep so much? I guess part of that was remembering how little I remembered of my Mom. It's hard to feel connected to someone when you only spend mealtimes together and the rest of the time they're snoring.

[He shrugged and grinned at Voile.]

It wasn't as bad as I was worried about, though. At least, I hope so. I'm really grateful for this body.

[He cocked an eyebrow.]

...Huh. So you thought I was going to be some attention deficit hyperactive disorderly punk that needed to be entertained constantly. [What a pleasant surprise.] Pretty sure by this point you've figured out that I don't need you to amuse me. I'm perfectly capable of keeping myself occupied.

Besides, there's some human saying about how there's knowledge in silence. By studying body language, even in sleep, you can figure out some traits on the individual. Naturally, having a human body helps with that. It's easier to pinpoint it on a human than a Pokémon, I think. Another upside to humanisation, I suppose.

[Sonny couldn't help but laugh.]

Haha! Wow! What? No, I didn't think anything like that!

[He didn't think he'd ever strung together anything even remotely resembling 'some attention deficit hyperactive disorderly punk' before in his life.]

I guess you can learn a lot about someone by the way they sleep. Restless sleepers and stuff. I don't know what I'm like when I'm asleep except that I used to snore a lot before I discovered breathing strips.

[He fooled around in his pocket for a moment before pulling one out.]

You never know when a nap might strike. Always be prepared!

I get the feeling that you are the only person in the academy, Sonny, who could suffer from a nap attack.

[Lofting an eyebrow, Voile motioned indicatively. Even acted it out for him.]

Next thing you know, you'll be in the cafeteria ready to eat, you'll lean over to put some salt on something—your potatoes, I don't know—and then you'll just pass out. With your face in potatoes.

Maybe you should be wearing those strips all of the time.

Well, I DO like potatoes. With salt and butter and gravy and sour cream.

[Yes. All at once. No, you can't judge him.]

But I have a little more control than THAT! At least enough to lean back in my seat instead of slump forward!

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