[The feed cuts on. The image is difficult to read at first, as it is constantly covered in a layer of static and at times completely obscured. However, a garbled voice can be heard over the static fuzz.]

H-huh... What... Oh, that's right, forgot.

[There is a sound of chair legs scraping across the floor, and momentarily the image clears, revealing the resident helmeted network recluse relocating a chair some distance away from the camera. He doesn't appear to be his usual hyperalert self as he steps around to slump down into the chair, and his weariness is even apparent on his face when he finally looks up to face the camera; it looks as though he hasn't slept in days.]

S-s-sorry. Um...

[He rubs his face vigorously with his hands in a vain attempt to wake himself up.]

This is just your... monthly reminder... change passwords. And also... if you... you used a... um, credit card...

[He briskly smacks himself in the cheek with his right hand and blinks for a moment, though his eyelids still threaten to close.]

...Used your credit card at the, uh, supermarket in town over the holidays, be sure to check your bank account for... for potential sus.. suspicious activity. For everyone else, I want to... I want to ensure you that it is now safe to do so.

[He rubs the knuckles on his punching hand.]

I, uh, suppose that's it.

[He whispers.] Please let that be it.

[Getting to his feet, it's evident that his legs aren't going to support him much longer. As he approaches the camera to turn it off, static begins to fade back onto the screen. Leaning over the desk, he puts one hand down for support... then disappears beneath the edge of the desk, his hand following a moment later as the sound of his collapse on the floor is heard. The static on the screen fades somewhat, the fuzz paired with a light snoring. The feed remains running for several minutes, up until the maximum allotted data size for the video is reached, and the recording is automatically terminated.]

[Anyone who would need to use that particular workstation in the school's computer lab within the next few hours or so would have to move him out of the way or lean over him. There's also the option of just sitting on him, though it wouldn't be terribly comfortable.]

Is everybody ready for the new semester?! It's always difficult to readjust to school life after a long break like that, which is why I recommend keeping up with one's studies each day to keep prepared! But if you haven't done that, don't worry. You still have one day left to review the coursework and refresh your memory!

[Boy, that sounds... exciting...]

It looks like the mistletoe infestation has worn off just in time for us not to worry about missing class due to being stuck, too! I understand that it was particularly unpleasant this year. I'm sure many of us were reminded of... of things that we would much rather forget. The past should definitely be learned from, but not so heavily dwelt upon. Right then! It's a fresh new year, so let's all leave that behind us and remember to focus on the future! Let's hear some resolutions for self-improvement! You've all already made them, haven't you?

Here, I'll start. This year, I resolve to-- [Wait, simply maintaining perfect grades through to graduation isn't necessarily an improvement, uhhh]-- find at least three new activities to enjoy with friends!

...And to maintain high grades until graduation. [Just so we're clear.] But that should go without saying for all of us students!