[Admittedly setting this video up took a lot more time than the Boss would like to admit. Eletronics are Kinzie's job, she's got her cellphone and that's enough. But whatever, she's sitting in front of a teacher's desk in ambient lighting to make it official, as the chalkboard behind her has become a green screen.]

Alright, you've probably heard this speech before, but what the hell. I was never a fan of school. That's why stopped attending after first grade.

[Congrats this is one of your new teachers....?]

But the point is uh, fuck it. Staying in school is pretty great apparently or whatever.

[She doesn't care.]

Call me the Boss. I'm the leader of the Third Streets Saints. You might know us, or the Johnny Gat dolls, Saints Flow, time we saved Steelport from zombies or crazy military guys. Yeap, that's my crew. If you don't, go read a book or watch Gangstas in Space. Want a copy? I got a shitload if you need one.

[She crosses her legs. Let your imagination run wild of what happened here.]

So yeah. Teacher. Something. While we're both stuck here, I figured I'd bring to you excitement and promise nothing's gonna to be boring as far as I'm concerned. This is type of class I wish they had taught me instead of Math. I don't do boring. I'm also your to go gal if you need favors, guns, drugs...you name your price, I'll name mine.

That said, lemme give you a visual demonstration of what you should be expecting.

[She snaps her left hand dramatically as behind her, a video starts playing. At first she goes to speak more, but it's obvious even she hears the music. Mood ruined.]

Uh, Kunzie? That's not the right video.

[Silence. Boss stands up and yells offscreen at someone.]

KUNZIE! CHANGE THE CLIP! HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL THEM ABOUT MY AWESOME CLASSES WITH THE FUCKING SAFETY DANCE PLAYING IN THE BACK?

Alright, alright! Geeze.

[There's the sound of a scratch disc stopping before it switches to something a little more fitting. Sorta. And yes, a video is playing in the back. Hope you like sexy ladies (dressed in Saint's purple colors) doing various things such as "driving" "opening car doors" "slowly shooting guns with a lot of recoil in super slow mo" and "drinking Saints Flow".]

Yeah you see that? That could be you. Unless you're a guy, but that's okay, if you got the body for it, I can find you the outfit for it, honey.

Point is I'll be teaching [Air quotes] "Driver's Ed" [End air quotes] and [Also air quotes] "Urban Survival" [End air quotes]. Here's the deal, anyone who signs up gets an automatic G by which I mean automatic guns and as long as you don't get yourself killed you pass, cause hell if I know anything about teaching shit properly.

I hope you don't mind riding with a tiger either.

[Wait what does that even mean, is that literally?]

You know, I thought I was going to get bored out of my mind, but this place hasn't been too bad so far. Anyone know a good shooting range or a bar? Better yet, a bar with a shooting range.

[Your new teacher, everyone...but at least she's honest?]