[Being able to talk with someone about what was weighing on him, in his experience, had always helped lighten the burden some. After Daia died, he wasn't able to get it very easily.]
It's about a lotta things. Mostly myself. After all that happened, you'd think I'd change a little for the better, but in the end, no matter what I do... I know that my shitty actions, no matter how much I regret them, keep affecting people.
[Take Chihiro, for instance. Right now, there's the reminder creeping through the shadows of his awareness that they're alone, just them, and all it takes is one swing, one slip on the controls that he's so damn afraid of losing. His face squeezes into a kind of agitation.]
In a way, I'm kinda freaked out. How do I... stop? I know I'm cut from a different cloth than most of you, and that only makes it harder to connect, but even so, I'd still... Look. You guys are all I have left. And at this point, I feel almost nervous even being around you. Like I'm gonna screw something else up. So it feels like... At this point, the way I am, it's better for everyone if I keep my distance until I know how to get a grip.
no subject
[Being able to talk with someone about what was weighing on him, in his experience, had always helped lighten the burden some. After Daia died, he wasn't able to get it very easily.]
It's about a lotta things. Mostly myself. After all that happened, you'd think I'd change a little for the better, but in the end, no matter what I do... I know that my shitty actions, no matter how much I regret them, keep affecting people.
[Take Chihiro, for instance. Right now, there's the reminder creeping through the shadows of his awareness that they're alone, just them, and all it takes is one swing, one slip on the controls that he's so damn afraid of losing. His face squeezes into a kind of agitation.]
In a way, I'm kinda freaked out. How do I... stop? I know I'm cut from a different cloth than most of you, and that only makes it harder to connect, but even so, I'd still... Look. You guys are all I have left. And at this point, I feel almost nervous even being around you. Like I'm gonna screw something else up. So it feels like... At this point, the way I am, it's better for everyone if I keep my distance until I know how to get a grip.