[Those were some pretty heavy words that leaned against his drive for living, which was all outta whack since February. No, even before then, when they were crammed in Hope's Peak, it was like that- this frustration that kicked up worse and worse the longer he stayed away from his the life he left behind, taken from him so abruptly. That frustration rose and fell these days- sometimes it was gnawing at his brain cells; others he felt calm but empty. He'd been coping pretty okay all things considered, but then again, he was used to things being there one moment and gone the next.
He'd considered the option of not living, and had been tempted to feel that dying would have been infinitely better than going on like this. But feeling the sun on his back and the life in his blood made him remember that he was alive. And that was incredible.
But what to do with this life he'd been spared next? He had ideas he'd grasped at for the future, when he'd have to grow out of his teenage bike gang phase and walk the world as an adult looking for a way to make ends meet. The idea of fixing things appealed to him, a sort of atonement for the reckless destruction he left behind in his wake. But as comforting as having some idea of what to do with himself later in life was, he just wasn't ready to move in that direction yet, nor did he want to- it felt as unnatural to him as taking two steps up the staircase at a time. He wanted his gang back. His family. He wanted the two years of time spent being young back, the years he would never have wanted to trade for anything. It was hard to accept those days as... gone. And he wasn't even twenty yet.
So maybe that's why, when Kiyotaka brought up goals, his face grew a shade sadder.]
...I guess. But I dunno if there's a 'this time' in store for mine.
action tag more like inaction tag
He'd considered the option of not living, and had been tempted to feel that dying would have been infinitely better than going on like this. But feeling the sun on his back and the life in his blood made him remember that he was alive. And that was incredible.
But what to do with this life he'd been spared next? He had ideas he'd grasped at for the future, when he'd have to grow out of his teenage bike gang phase and walk the world as an adult looking for a way to make ends meet. The idea of fixing things appealed to him, a sort of atonement for the reckless destruction he left behind in his wake. But as comforting as having some idea of what to do with himself later in life was, he just wasn't ready to move in that direction yet, nor did he want to- it felt as unnatural to him as taking two steps up the staircase at a time. He wanted his gang back. His family. He wanted the two years of time spent being young back, the years he would never have wanted to trade for anything. It was hard to accept those days as... gone. And he wasn't even twenty yet.
So maybe that's why, when Kiyotaka brought up goals, his face grew a shade sadder.]
...I guess. But I dunno if there's a 'this time' in store for mine.